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Loss
Mar 4, 2019
#15474
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

DK Metcalf is destined to be drafted by the Raiders

He's a Raider. Basically, Matt Millen and Al Davis' corpse are going to have a celebrity death match to see who can come back and draft him.

DK Metcalf was drafted by the Seattle Seahawks in the second round of the 2019 NFL Draft.

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Loss
Mar 4, 2019
#15473
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

LeBron James activating 'playoff mode' is a guarantee he won't win another title

Playoff mode for LeBron means that he's not going to win another title. So he is currently in playoff mode. ... He has played 10,000 hours of losing basketball in the playoffs, though. So he's very used to that.

LeBron won a title with the Lakers in 2020, making this prediction incorrect.
Void
Mar 4, 2019
#15475
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

DK Metcalf's 1.6% body fat is a huge red flag

1.6% body fat is actually a huge red flag for me. Have a burger, man. You're a psycho if you have 1.6% body fat.

While Metcalf had an excellent career, 1.6% body fat is physiologically near-impossible for a living human, suggesting the measurement was likely inaccurate.
Push
Mar 4, 2019
#15476
Big CatBig Cat

The Steelers will trade Antonio Brown somewhere he hates just to spite him

I think we're at the point now where the Steelers are going to trade him to somewhere he doesn't want to go and just fuck him over.

The Steelers traded AB to the Raiders, a destination he initially seemed happy with because they gave him a new contract, though it famously blew up before he played a game.

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Open
Nov 2, 2026
#31796
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
Nov 2, 2026
#31800
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
Nov 2, 2026
#31802
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.