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Void
Mar 9, 2016·Spin Zone
#9752
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Meth Johnny Manziel would be better than weed Johnny Manziel because you want him on edge

I would put meth Johnny Manziel over weed Johnny Manziel because weed would mellow him out too much... you want Johnny like on edge, right? You want him to be running around a little bit. The best plays that he had when he was in college were like, he was tweaking almost like he was just panicked.

This is a satirical ranking of drug effects on athletic performance and is not a verifiable claim.

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Win
Mar 9, 2016
#9744
Big CatBig Cat

The Jaguars will sign a big free agent like Chris Ivory, cut him in two years because he didn't work out, and keep sucking.

The Jaguars have a ton of money, and everyone's going to say, wow, the Jaguars are going to make a big splash. Like, you know, like signing Chris Ivory in two years, they're going to cut him because he's like, he didn't work out and they're going to bring in a new coach and the Jaguars are going to keep sucking and it's going to be beautiful.

In March 2016, the Jaguars signed Chris Ivory to a 5-year, $32 million deal. He was released in February 2018 (exactly two years later) after failing to meet expectations. Coach Gus Bradley was also fired within that window.
Void
Mar 9, 2016
#9745
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I have zero confidence that any running back free agent signing by any team is going to play out

I have zero confidence that any running back free agent signing by any team is going to play out. But the Jaguars keep going back to that.

This is a general philosophy rather than a single testable event, but looking at 2016 RB signings (Ivory, Lamar Miller, DeMarco Murray), few provided long-term value.
Push
Mar 9, 2016
#9746
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Raiders will get good and then immediately move to L.A., totally screwing over the city of Oakland.

I think what's what's going to happen is you're going to see the Raiders get really good... or start to get good and then move to L.A. right as they get good and totally screw over the city of Oakland.

The Raiders did leave Oakland, but they moved to Las Vegas in 2020. They also had a 12-4 season in 2016 (getting 'good' as predicted) before the move was finalized.

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Void
May 15, 2026
#30495
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Getting excited for the NFL schedule release is for pussies

I can't get it up for the schedule release because it's—if you explained what the schedule release was to Vince Lombardi, he'd call you a pussy and spit in your face.

The schedule release is a highly watched media event, though many analysts share the sentiment that it is overblown.
Open
May 15, 2026
#30509
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NFL should release one game schedule per day for the entire off-season

The NFL, they should do, they should draw it out even longer. It should be one game that Roger Goodell releases per day for the entire off-season. And then at the end of it, he's like, okay, let's play some ball.

This is a procedural suggestion that has not been implemented by the league.
Void
May 15, 2026
#30499
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Preakness Stakes should move its date to three weeks before the Kentucky Derby

Why doesn't the Preakness just say, screw it to the Kentucky Derby and schedule their main race for like three weeks before the Kentucky Derby? You wanna play hardball? Yeah, you could play hardball. I feel like if you, if your horse wins the Preakness, if it was scheduled for before the Derby, you're not skipping the derby. No, you gotta run in the derby.

This is a hypothetical scheduling proposal to solve the issue of horses skipping the second jewel of the Triple Crown.