PMT DB
PMT DB
Bomani Jones on Russell Wilson, NFL Free Agency, and the Johnny Manziel Spin Zone
Big Cat and PFT Commenter are officially listening to the people: the reggaeton air horn is dead. After a weekend of complaints about Monday's sound-effect-heavy experiment, the guys are back to basics, which apparently means comparing NFL quarterbacks to historical tragedies and ranking illegal substances.
The Frenzy of Free Agency
NFL Free Agency is in full swing, and Big Cat is already dealing with a familiar foe after getting blocked by Adam Schefter for the second time. Between the Schefter vs. Ian Rapoport scoop war and the Jaguars doing exactly what everyone expects the Jaguars to do, the off-season is officially peak entertainment.
Big CatThe Jaguars will sign a big free agent like Chris Ivory, cut him in two years because he didn't work out, and keep sucking.
The Jaguars have a ton of money, and everyone's going to say, wow, the Jaguars are going to make a big splash. Like, you know, like signing Chris Ivory in two years, they're going to cut him because he's like, he didn't work out and they're going to bring in a new coach and the Jaguars are going to keep sucking and it's going to be beautiful.
PFT Commenter isn't exactly high on the strategy of overpaying for backfield help, especially when it comes to the team in Jacksonville.
PFT CommenterI have zero confidence that any running back free agent signing by any team is going to play out
I have zero confidence that any running back free agent signing by any team is going to play out. But the Jaguars keep going back to that.
The guys also touched on the Eagles' attempt to scrub the entire Chip Kelly era from their memory, with one very notable, very expensive exception sitting in the quarterback room. Big Cat didn't hold back on why Sam Bradford is still on the roster.
Big CatSam Bradford is basically Philly's Holocaust Museum
This is going to be called a hot take. But Sam Bradford is basically Philly's Holocaust Museum... They kept Sam Bradford as a living reminder to not go back to the Chip Kelly era. So every time they look at him, every time they see him walking to the facility, they're like, oh, boy, we can't go back to that place. That was a dark spot.
Up in the NFC North, the retirement of Megatron has things looking bleak for Matthew Stafford. PFT believes that without a Hall of Fame safety net, Stafford is about to find out how the other half lives.
PFT CommenterMatthew Stafford will be the worst quarterback in the NFC North without Calvin Johnson.
Matt Stafford is getting paid a shitload of money, and now he's probably going to be the worst quarterback in the NFC North. And it looks like it's not going to get better for him... because call me crazy, but I'm not so sure that the Jim Bob Cooter offense is legit.
Bomani Jones and the Goober King
ESPN’s Bomani Jones joined the show to discuss the art of the interview and his prolific Twitter habit. The conversation quickly turned to the absolute worst interview in sports: Russell Wilson. Bomani confirmed what we all suspected—that everything Wilson says is pre-packaged and devoid of human personality.
Bomani JonesRussell Wilson is a media 'goober' who prepares boring, non-interesting answers before his interviews even start.
Basically, [Russell Wilson] wakes up in the morning, and if he's got an interview to do, he decides, I'm not going to tell you anything. Like, you may have questions. He's got answers, but he came up with those answers before he left the house. And he's just not going to say anything interesting at all.
Big Cat, despite his Wisconsin ties, was more than happy to double down on the Seahawks' signal-caller.
Big CatRussell Wilson is the quintessential definition of a 'goober.'
He's the goober. He is the quintessential goober. I've said that from day one, Russell Wilson... he is the definition of a goober.
Bomani also shared a theory on why cities like Miami, Atlanta, and Houston might not be the "best" sports towns in the traditional sense, but they are certainly better places to spend your Tuesday nights.
Bomani JonesThe better a sports town is, the more likely that place is a terrible place to live
I got to tell you, what I've learned in all those places is how good a town is based on sports is normally measured by how terrible everything else is in that place. The better sports town, the more likely that place is not somewhere you want to inhabit.
The Johnny Manziel Spin Zone
In a classic Big Cat Spin Zone, he proposed that the Denver Broncos are the only team capable of saving Johnny Manziel. The logic? Denver is "Menver," a place so saturated with dudes that Johnny won't have any distractions. Plus, the geography of Colorado offers some "alternative" lifestyle choices that might be more conducive to playing football than the bottle.
Big CatJohnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos
Johnny Manziel can be saved by the Denver Broncos. Von Miller has been talking about Johnny Manziel going to the Broncos... I'm pretty sure a locker room that just won the Super Bowl is going to be like, Johnny, don't fuck around. More importantly, Denver... is known as Menver because it's like 75% dudes... Johnny won't have as much opportunity for the ladies in Menver.
This led to a dark but necessary power ranking of which "version" of Johnny would be most effective on a football field. While weed might be the safest, PFT argued that the team needs a guy with a bit more of an edge.
PFT CommenterMeth Johnny Manziel would be better than weed Johnny Manziel because you want him on edge
I would put meth Johnny Manziel over weed Johnny Manziel because weed would mellow him out too much... you want Johnny like on edge, right? You want him to be running around a little bit. The best plays that he had when he was in college were like, he was tweaking almost like he was just panicked.
Big Cat ultimately refined the rankings, placing the current situation at the absolute bottom.
Big CatJohnny Manziel's drug power rankings are: Meth #1, Cocaine #2, Weed #3, and Alcohol in the basement.
Take it back meth Johnny Manziel number one cocaine Johnny Manziel number two and then weed Johnny Manziel number three a distant third and and we all can agree power ranking wise alcoholic Johnny Manziel's in the basement it's dead last.
History Lessons and Final Takes
After a touching tribute to Mike Ditka’s departure from ESPN—which included Big Cat sharing a story about Ditka literally farting on him to assert dominance—the guys turned to history. Inspired by Eagles superfan EDP445 comparing the team to trench warfare, PFT and Big Cat mapped out the rest of the NFL's war history.
PFT CommenterThe Washington Redskins are exactly like Nazi Germany because they win the offseason but get bent over once the actual war starts
I would compare the Redskins to Nazi Germany because the Redskins like to win the offseason every year. And Nazi Germany was also very good about taking over countries when there wasn't an actual war going on. And then once the war started, they got bent over by the Russians and the United States. So I would characterize the Washington Redskins as being very Hitler like in their approach to football.
While the Redskins represent the off-season aggression, Big Cat sees a different parallel for his rivals in Green Bay based on their "draft and develop" philosophy and the general lack of interest anyone has in visiting the area.
Big CatThe Green Bay Packers are the Vietnam of the NFL because they only use homegrown talent and no one wants to play there.
My team is the Packers. They are Vietnam. And simply because... all homegrown talent. They don't make a lot of splashy moves. You really don't want to go play there. You're never going to like, you're never like, Oh, I want to go play at Lambeau. I want to go play, you know, have a war in Vietnam.
We'll see if the Jaguars can prove the guys wrong by winning more than five games, but don't hold your breath.
