Jose Altuve should have claimed he had steroid-induced back acne instead of an 'unfinished tattoo' to explain his jersey-ripping controversy.

No, it wasn't a tattoo. I was just embarrassed because I had a ton of bacne from all the steroids I was taking. Reframe the conversation. Type of cheating... I was cheating by ingesting substances the cheating that's allowed.

MLB would have moved past the Astros scandal if they had just suspended players for 50 games.

If they had just suspended some of these players for 50 games or something, whatever it may be, it probably would have somewhat gone away. They didn't do anything correctly and it's just going to keep lingering.

Dwyane Wade intentionally gave Aaron Gordon lower scores in the 2020 Slam Dunk Contest because of the Heat-Magic rivalry.

Dwyane Wade knows that classic Heat versus Magic... only big enough for one of us... that took over and that's why he had Aaron Gordon not win. The rivalry is back on.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.