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Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

NFL teams should hire gay GMs to avoid paternity leave issues

This is why I would, I would get a gay GM. Yeah. You don't have to worry about paternity leave. Be very meticulous when he is like studying the bodies going into the combine... GM's jobs are just to like, you know, like let this guy go gossip and be messy. Yeah. Like just unleash him on the league.

The take is satirical and refers to a workplace strategy that is not actually being implemented in the suggested manner.

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Loss
Feb 2, 2026
#15863
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I bet on Josh Dobbs to win Super Bowl MVP for the Patriots

I got a massive bet on the Patriots. I also put a bet on, on Josh Dobbs to win Super Bowl MVP. The New England Patriot, Patriot... Big time Patriot.

Josh Dobbs did not win Super Bowl MVP as the Patriots lost.
Win
Feb 2, 2026
#15862
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

A Patriots loss in Super Bowl 60 would make them the LeBron James of the NFL due to historical losses

If we lose this one, that's the most Super Bowl losses of any franchise ever. That'll put us number one... It would be the LeBron James of the NFL if we lost these, these, the Super Bowl today, because we, when we're tied with the Broncos... we can't be number one.

The Patriots did lose the Super Bowl, giving them 6 losses, which indeed became the most in NFL history, surpassing the Broncos.
Void
Feb 2, 2026
#15866
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Arizona Cardinals head coaching job is a bad one to take

Obviously you take a job if it's offered to you, but that seems like a not great job to take. Because it's a, well, number one, it's the Cardinals. Number two, they don't really have a plan at quarterback at all. Number three, every other coach in your division rocks.

The Cardinals' success under Mike LaFleur is yet to be determined, though the NFC West remains one of the toughest divisions in the league.

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Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.