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Loss
Aug 17, 2026
#31172
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Patrick Mahomes might just be a check-down merchant

Patrick Mahomes might be a check down merchant. It's gotten him pretty far in life. And as a quarterback, [Ty Simpson] just might be the next Patrick Mahomes.

Mahomes is statistically the greatest quarterback of his era and not a check-down merchant.

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Void
Aug 17, 2026
#31170
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Drew Allar is the future.

Drew Allar looks like him. Yeah, Drew Allar is him.

It's a satirical exaggeration about preseason performances.
Open
Aug 17, 2026
#31171
Big CatBig Cat

I am a believer in Ty Simpson

I am a believer in Ty Simpson. I just wanna buy stock right now in Ty Simpson. Proclaim myself a Ty Simpson believer.

Simpson's NFL career success will be determined over the next several seasons.
Open
Aug 17, 2026
#31173
HankHank

I still believe in Anthony Richardson

Anthony Richardson... he started for the Colts. He looked good. I still believe. Always believe.

Richardson's career outcome is pending the 2026 season and beyond.

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Open
Nov 2, 2026
#31796
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
Nov 2, 2026
#31800
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
Nov 2, 2026
#31802
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.