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Win
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Philip Rivers has reached the 'crotchety old man' stage of his career where he just plays recklessly

Philip Rivers, he's gotten to the old crotchety man point in his career... That's how Philip Rivers plays football right now. He just says, fuck it. I'm going to throw it wherever I want to throw it. I'm going to fumble whenever I want to fumble. He just throws it down the center of the field as high as he can, as far as he can.

Rivers led the league in interceptions during the 2019 season and continued his high-risk style until retirement.

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Loss
Dec 16, 2019
#6965
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Jameis Winston is a Hall of Famer

He's a Hall of Famer. No one else has done that [throw back-to-back 450-plus yard games].

Winston's career took a significant turn into backup roles and he has never come close to Hall of Fame consideration.
Void
Dec 16, 2019
#6966
Big CatBig Cat

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL

The Lions are the worst franchise in the NFL. And I feel really bad for Lions fans, even though I root for a team in their division... They have one single playoff win in the Super Bowl era.

While subjective, the Lions had the fewest playoff wins of any team for decades until their 2023 season run.
Win
Dec 16, 2019
#20970
Big CatBig Cat

The Texans cycle perfectly between statement wins and statement losses

The Texans now have gone statement win, statement loss, statement win. And that sums up the Texans perfectly. They just flip-flop. They beat the Patriots on primetime, they laid an egg against a bad Broncos team, and then they go into Nashville against the hottest team in the NFL and beat them in their building.

The 2019 Texans were famously erratic, finishing 10-6 but often oscillating between dominant performances and confusing lapses.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
Open
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.