The Steelers are like Michigan football because they count championships won before the Super Bowl era

That's a classic Steelers move to count the championships that you won before the Super Bowl was a thing. I'm saying that's a classic thing to reach back. Well, in 1920, we won the big contest. We call that Michigan football.

Michigan football counts national championships they won before black people were allowed to play

Michigan football counts all the national championships they won before they let black people play.

The Patriots are a better team specifically because of Dion Lewis

Actually, the real reason is Dion Lewis. They are 14-0 when [Lewis] plays. [Brady's] a system quarterback, in other words.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.