Jajuan Howard is the new Coach Calipari because he underachieves despite producing lottery picks

Jajuan Howard's the new coach Cal, that is what made me feel really, really old was Jajuan Howard has a son that just got drafted in the NBA... you see a loaded team [Michigan] get picked and you're like, wait, they weren't in the tournament. That's weird.

Jaime Jaquez Jr. is the perfect fit for the Heat culture

Jaime Jaquez to the Heat, like perfect Heat culture. He's going to have a series probably next NBA playoffs where he somehow averages like 25 points a game out of nowhere... he is the perfect Heat culture guy and he will be a very good player in the NBA because he got drafted by the Heat.

Brandon Miller is a genius for claiming Paul George is his GOAT so he wouldn't offend Michael Jordan

I think Brandon Miller is kind of a genius. They interviewed him the other day and he said that his GOAT, his favorite player in NBA history is Paul George. That to me tells me he's thinking two steps ahead because he knew that Charlotte wanted to draft him... He knew that he could not say that it was LeBron James because Michael Jordan is still very much involved in the draft process for Charlotte.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.