Jason Garrett is a total buzzkill on the broadcast

There's no better way to kill your football buzz than having Jason Garrett call the game... I know it was week zero. I know there's only like seven games. They all, they all mean something to me. And then Jason Garrett was on there and I immediately fell in a nap in the second quarter.

The Pac-12 is dying because people can't watch stars like Caleb Williams play on their network

The returning Heisman Caleb Williams, who would probably be the number one pick in the draft and no one in America could watch it 'cause it was Pac-12 network... that could not have been the better way to tip off the last Pac-12 season opener to be like, hey, this is why we're dying. Because we can't watch fucking Caleb Williams play football.

College football should move the season forward so every team plays during 'Week Zero'

I wish week zero. Like everyone should play Week zero. They should just move the season forward... everyone plays. And then week one... I just want all the games right now.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.