Howie Long, College Football Is Back, Trey Lance Traded + Mt Rushmore Of Fictional Animals

Jason Garrett is a total buzzkill on the broadcast

There's no better way to kill your football buzz than having Jason Garrett call the game... I know it was week zero. I know there's only like seven games. They all, they all mean something to me. And then Jason Garrett was on there and I immediately fell in a nap in the second quarter.

The Pac-12 is dying because people can't watch stars like Caleb Williams play on their network

The returning Heisman Caleb Williams, who would probably be the number one pick in the draft and no one in America could watch it 'cause it was Pac-12 network... that could not have been the better way to tip off the last Pac-12 season opener to be like, hey, this is why we're dying. Because we can't watch fucking Caleb Williams play football.

Miami of Ohio will beat Miami (FL) in their season opener

First time you'll hear this, I think Miami's gonna win... I'm taking Miami [of Ohio].

I will cut off a testicle if the Miami Hurricanes lose to Miami of Ohio

My hundred percent lock. I I will, I will cut off a testicle if Miami doesn't win that game.

Bob Barker is the GOAT game show host

In my mind the GOAT game show host. Yeah. I mean I know Trebek... Trebek's great. It was, it was the GOAT game show. Right. And he was the host for so long... Just the perfect amount of kind of horny, you know, made sure that everyone got their pets spayed and neutered would get a little pissed off when people were dumb. He just was the best.

The 49ers trade for Trey Lance is one of the worst busts in NFL history

Find another team that trades three first round picks and misses that badly on a quarterback and still is potentially a Super Bowl team... but that has to be one of the worst bust slash trades in, in NFL history.

Fans will clamor for Trey Lance the moment Dak Prescott throws his first interception

I am, I'm very much looking forward to though the first terrible interception. Yes. Dak Prescott throws. Yes. I will be clamoring, I'll be standing on the table for Trey Lance... the first Dak interception of the season's gonna hit so different. Just show Trey Lance on the sideline. Be like, well it did bring in Trey Lance. Oh yeah. The camera's gonna be right on 'em.

The new college football running clock rule on first downs is ruining the game

The new rule about First Downs sucks. The fact that they keep the running clock sucks. Yeah, it sucks. It's stupid... they just added more commercials. They fucking, it sucks. They're ruining college football.

Stephen Strasberg's contract was the worst in baseball history

Post World series, he was paid $460,000 per pitch. He was paid 2.6 million per out. 7.8 million per inning pitch. And he was paid $30.6 million per start. Whoa. Probably, probably the worst contract in baseball history.

Aaron Rodgers is going to be incredible for the Jets

[Rodgers] is gonna be incredible. Yeah. I watched the first two drives and then it was college football. That's all I needed.

Messi's assist against the Red Bulls was the craziest pass I've ever seen

Beat the Red Bulls scored another or no? Yeah. Unbelievable goal. Probably the craziest pass I've ever seen in the, in the sport of football... I think it was [better than his World Cup pass].

Donald Trump is the best golfer in the United States

Rick Re says that it wasn't actually 67. I don't be a hater, Rick. He says it was more like an 86... [Trump] is the best golfer in the United States.

Herm Edwards is a total fraud for the mess he left at Arizona State

My who's back is Herm Edwards being a fraud because Arizona State has a bull ban... He's on ESPN giving speeches about, you know, upstanding character and doing the right thing. And he just left this mess in his past. So he is a total fraud.

Howie Long Jr. is the best athlete in the Long family

People ask why I waited to name our third child Howie. And I said, well, you know, it's easy because he's our favorite. You know, he's the best athlete in the family. He's, he's really just our favorite.

The Jaguars will take another step forward because Doug Pederson brings a calm influence to the quarterback

Jaguars I think are, are gonna be a team that, you know, I remember that that game down there in the playoffs... I like what they're doing down there. I like Doug. I think Doug brings a, a calm particularly to the, the quarterback room.

Sean Payton will fix Russell Wilson by stripping away the extras and getting back to basics

I think Russell is a guy that I think needed Sean Payton to come in... Sean is the guy that will come in and he is not afraid to tell you, you know, the office thing. That's not No, we're not doing that... We're gonna get back to the basics. We're gonna get back to run the football, we're gonna make the offensive line better. We're, we're gonna get back to doing the things and, and tailor the offense to a version of what Sean's run.

Kyle Long would win a wrestling match against Chris and Howie in their primes

Kyle is frightening. When he puts hands on you, it's a different kind. It's like, some people are, I'm heavy handed, he's heavy handed on a bigger... I would take Kyle [in a wrestling match].

Modern NFL players are undeniably bigger, stronger, and faster than the 80s generation

It's, trust me, I, I I have no problem saying that. It's bigger, it's stronger, it's faster. Yeah. And, you know, that's the way it is... biggest offensive line's three 20 across the board. Different game.