The Braves have already won free agency because Ronald Acuna Jr. will be back next year

The Braves already have won free agency. Ronald Acuna [Jr.] will be back next year. That's right. Greatest free agent signing you can have. Absolutely.

The Red Sox would have beaten the Braves if they made the World Series

Absolutely. Absolutely. [The Red Sox would have beaten the Braves].

Patrick Mahomes is no longer capable of making a normal throw

I think they do it to keep Patrick Mahomes entertained because he's so good when he's just throwing the ball. But now it seems like he's become incapable of making a normal throw, where even the normal throws that he has, he does the different arm angles. He does the underhand. He does the left-handed stuff. Just play football, and you guys will be fine. I promise.

I will never learn my lesson and will continue to believe in the Houston Cougars for the next four years

If you think this is going to deter me from believing in the Houston Cougars for the next four years, you are sadly mistaken. I will never learn my lesson when it comes to this team.

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday because he has enough people sucking his dick

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday by the way. Fuck, fuck that guy. He's got enough people to suck his dick and wish him a happy birthday. Awful announcing quote that. I hope I do it again next year.

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.