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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The 'burner lifestyle' on Twitter is incredible and highly recommended.

The burner lifestyle is incredible. I highly recommend it to everybody... Sometimes you just want to tweet things. You don't even have to believe them necessarily. You just want to get it off your chest. It feels great.

This is a subjective assessment of a personal experience with social media.

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Void
Mar 5, 2021
#7512
Big CatBig Cat

Big Ben Roethlisberger taking a pay cut is the ultimate 'hero ball' move.

This might be my favorite Big Ben move ever because he took a pay cut... He signed a big money contract knowing he was going to get paid like $40 million when he was very old... And now he's hero ball, going to take a pay cut on the contract that he signed to get paid a ton of money when he was really old.

The evaluation of Roethlisberger's character and intent is subjective.
Win
Mar 5, 2021
#7513
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Steelers fans should not be excited about Big Ben Roethlisberger returning for another year.

If I was a Steelers fan, I would not be super thrilled about another year of Big Ben.

The 2021 season was Roethlisberger's last; he threw for 22 TDs and 10 INTs as the Steelers went 9-7-1 and were blown out in the Wild Card round.
Push
Mar 5, 2021
#7514
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NFL salary cap doesn't actually matter.

Basically, [the salary cap] doesn't matter... teams will go from under $20 million over the cap to magically, oh, they have a bunch of cap space.

While it's a hard cap, restructures and 'void years' make it extremely flexible, supporting the spirit of the take.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.