Clayton Kershaw is not a dominant playoff pitcher

I am starting to think that Clayton Kershaw is not good in the playoffs. Kershaw, yikes... He's not dominant Clayton Kershaw anymore. Still very, very good, but he's not like Clayton Kershaw of five years ago.

Clayton Kershaw should embrace Satan to fix his playoff struggles

There's only one more thing for [Clayton Kershaw] to do to try to turn this around and that's go completely satanic. Flip the script. Embrace Satan. Become goth Clayton Kershaw. Cornrows... mascara... black lipstick. Just like flip the script on God entirely. See if Satan will give you a hand.

Atlanta is the saddest sports city on Earth

Atlanta is truly the saddest place on Earth with sports... They gave up 10 runs first inning. I've never seen anything like that... 28 to 3 Super Bowl, which is the biggest collapse maybe in sports history... The Braves won 14 straight division titles and they had one World Series to show for it.

I will never learn my lesson and will continue to believe in the Houston Cougars for the next four years

If you think this is going to deter me from believing in the Houston Cougars for the next four years, you are sadly mistaken. I will never learn my lesson when it comes to this team.

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday because he has enough people sucking his dick

I'm glad I missed Peyton Manning's birthday by the way. Fuck, fuck that guy. He's got enough people to suck his dick and wish him a happy birthday. Awful announcing quote that. I hope I do it again next year.

Nate Oats would not be a great fit at UNC

I don't think he'd be a great fit there. Would people be talking about Nate Oats as much for this job if he didn't wear those jackets? They feel like Carolina jackets. It feels like he's been accepting people into anticipating him being the next UNC coach for a while.