The Jets are very much for real

The Jets get their statement win... if they can win one or even two of these three games against the Patriots, Bills, Patriots, they would have to be considered very much for real. I'm ready to consider them very much for real. Their defense is really, really fucking good.

The Vikings are the worst 7-1 team of all time

I think [the Vikings] might be the worst seven and one team of all time... we know that the Vikings are a good team, we know they're fine, but like Kirk Cousins, it's gonna be very difficult for us to ever fully buy in.

I will get Kirk Cousins' face tattooed on my ass if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna get Kirk Cousins' face tattoo on my ass if they win the Super Bowl... I will do the, I was wrong tattoo. If they get to the Super Bowl... I'll also convert to whatever denomination of Christianity Kirk Cousins is.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.