The Miami Heat will win the NBA Championship because they are the only remaining team without a Taylor Swift tour stop

Every NBA team that made it to the semi-finals this year has had a Taylor Swift Eras tour stop through their city, and they've all been eliminated. The Denver Nuggets had Taylor Swift perform there. The Miami Heat is the only team that has not had Taylor Swift perform in their city. So if you're a swifty... Miami is going to win these championship.

Erik Spoelstra is the best coach in the NBA

The [Miami Heat] are a really fucking good team. And Spo is the best. Yeah. He is the best coach.

The Denver Nuggets must win Game 3 of the NBA Finals

It's a must win for Denver Game three's must win. Ooh. It's a can't lose for Miami.

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.