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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Houston Texans are a stock I would buy because they are tanking correctly

If the Texans are a stock right now I'm buying a shitload. I'm putting my paycheck into Texan stock... They have a shit loaded draft fixed... They are really bad... The Texans are doing a phenomenal job tanking. Yeah, they have.

The Texans used these picks/assets to draft C.J. Stroud and Will Anderson Jr. in 2023, turning into a playoff team immediately.

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Void
Oct 3, 2022
#18308
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Patrick Mahomes would lead the Texans to the playoffs right now

The reality is, I think if you put Patrick Mahomes on the worst team in the league, I think they make the playoffs. Yeah, I think he's that good. I think he is. If he, if Pat, if you took Patrick Mahomes right now and put him on the Texans... they probably make the playoffs.

This is a hypothetical, but Mahomes is historically great. However, the 2022 Texans were extremely deficient, making a playoff run unlikely for any single player.
Push
Oct 3, 2022
#18309
Big CatBig Cat

The Buccaneers and Chiefs will both make the divisional round of the playoffs

I would make a healthy wager that both the Bucks and Chiefs will be around divisional round playoffs.

The Chiefs won the Super Bowl (passed Divisional), but the Buccaneers lost in the Wild Card round to the Cowboys.
Loss
Oct 3, 2022
#18311
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

I bet a decent amount of money on the Eagles to go 17-0

I did, I did put a future on the Eagles earlier this week. I, I put, I put a decent amount of money on them to go completely undefeated... they only have to get, they have to go 17 and oh for this to hit. If the Eagles go 17 and Oh I will, I will be a rich man.

The Eagles lost their first game in Week 10 to the Commanders, finishing 14-3.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
Void
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.