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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The NFL gave Deshaun Watson an 11-game suspension specifically so his return would be against the Texans

Why is it 11 games? That's a weird number. Right? So you look at the schedule that game that he'd be coming back would be against the Houston Texans. So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire game... Homecoming.

Deshaun Watson did indeed make his return from suspension in Week 13 against the Houston Texans on December 4, 2022.

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Aug 19, 2022
#20697
Big CatBig Cat

The best seats in an NFL stadium are the first row of the top level on the 50-yard line

The best seats are on the, on the, like the first row, top level 50 yard line. That's the all 22 baby. That's the all 22. You get, see everything.

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Aug 19, 2022
#20698
Big CatBig Cat

The Big Ten has officially captured the greatest sports song by taking the CBS theme

The big 10 has captured the greatest sports song. I'll be honest... it's official. The big 10 has captured the greatest sports song... but it's, it's mine now, baby. It's mine now.

Void
Aug 19, 2022
#20699
Big CatBig Cat

Any kid under 14 should run onto the field at baseball games because security won't tackle them

If you're under, let's say 14. I would say 14 is about the age where I don't think a security guard would tackle you. Why wouldn't you just run on the field? And then you go, you get slap on the wrist and they're like, they probably tell your parents like don't ever do that again.

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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

It requires Garrett Bolles to record a touch before the end of his career; that has not been resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

Whether Philadelphia's offense performs better without A.J. Brown is a season-level comparative claim and is not reliably resolved here.
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PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.

This is a deliberately satirical roster-building proposal, not a prediction that can be objectively graded.