The Dolphins continue to be candy-ass frauds who always suck

The Patriots probably are good, and the Dolphins continue to be their candy-ass fraud selves. I'm so sick of the Dolphins. I think we need to put an official disclaimer every year. Like, hey, the Dolphins might start hot. Just remember, they always suck.

The Chicago Bears are the best team in the NFC and will win the Super Bowl

They happen to be playing against the best team in the NFC, future Super Bowl champion Chicago Bears. So you can't really say that Fitzmagic is over. They just were in a buzzsaw situation.

Mitch Trubisky is the best quarterback in the NFL

The order was – Mitch Trubisky is the best quarterback probably in the NFL. Order was restored to how it should be.

The Detroit Pistons are moving in the right direction despite their Game 7 loss

The progression of the Pistons along the way is like, what were they, two years ago? They won like 16 or 18 games. They were so bad. Last year they had competitive series against The Knicks. Then this year, the natural progression from that is, let's take the regular season super seriously. Let's win all the games that we can get a high seed... I would say the totality of this season, we're still going the right direction in Detroit.

I will renounce my American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup

I will renounce American citizenship and become French if the Canadiens win the Stanley Cup this year... I'll probably need somebody to come and hang out with me and... the south of France is nice.

Patrick Reed is the first PAWG in the history of professional golf.

Patrick Reed, let me tell you, I think he might be the first PAWG golfer. He is. He's thick as hell. Like he was filling out. He also wears... the tight pants... he looks like early era Meghan Trainor... He bends over. He's like, ooh.