I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Texans win the Super Bowl

No, they're not going to win the Super Bowl. Guaranteed. I'll cut off a pinky... I'll cut off half a pinky. Nope. I'm going to cut off the top of my nub... I'm going to cut off the nail up if the Texans win.

The Texans will beat the Bengals in the playoffs

The Texans definitely have a chance to beat the Bengals in the playoffs. I'll put it that way.

The Lions are not sure they're bad and could win their division

I actually think the Lions could be okay. They could win that division, you think? Are we sure they're good? We're not sure they're bad.

The Falcons are a real, flawed good team

I do think that the Falcons are real. Yeah. I think that they're a good team. They're a flawed good team.

The Falcons may have the NFL's best skill-position group

I think that if the Falcons can do that, they have maybe the best set of skill position players in the NFL. If you're able to protect Penix, he's good enough to distribute it and then just let their awesome players do awesome shit.

MLB's proposed check-swing replay would make everything a check swing

Yeah. Parallel with the plate. Yeah. That's what I thought the rule was. And apparently that's just not the rule anymore. If they ever bring this system to Major League Baseball, I get—everything's a check swing.