Takes

Nathaniel Hackett is booty cheeks

Nathaniel Hackett is booty cheeks. And if we didn't say that, then we're frauds. I will trash us for not trashing Nathaniel Hackett... he is, he wanted to talk about booty cheeks.

Commanders vs. Bears will lowkey be a banger of a game

I feel like next week Low Key might be a banger of a game. Oh, you never know. Cause these are the games that people are always like, it's gonna suck. Let's not watch... and everybody was like, Oh, we're not gonna watch this game. It was one of the greatest games ever.

The Bills will destroy the Steelers and Kenny Pickett in his first start

I am going with the Buffalo Bills. Okay. I think if Mitch [Trubisky] was playing, it's a different story... But it's Kenny Pickett. He's a rookie. He's gonna get destroyed by that defense.

Tom Brady will demolish the Falcons to avoid a three-game losing streak

My favorite is the Bucks minus nine against the Falcons at home... Tom Brady has not had a three game losing streak since 2002... He's 10 and oh against the Falcons... He's going to demolish the Falcons.

The Giants will cover the +8 spread against the Packers in London

I'm gonna go with the New York Giants. Ooh. Packers have not looked good this year. They haven't. It's they're plus eight. They almost got beat by Patriots. Bailey Zappe. They didn't let 'em throw and they still almost lost the game. I don't think they're gonna win this game by eight points.

Aaron Donald is the best non-quarterback in football

I think Aaron Donald is the best player in football that's not a quarterback. Quarterbacks are, are always going to get the, the notch above because they touch the ball every play. He's the best non quarterback in nfl.

You know within the first 20 practices if a rookie quarterback is 'the guy'

But you know, within the first 20 practices; like you don't have to see. Yeah. Like you, you wanna see it on the field to kind of confirm, but man, it is just the way these dudes carry themselves and how they act at practice and how they're focused.

Pete Carroll is having more fun with Geno Smith than he did with Russell Wilson

I actually think that Pete Carroll's having more fun with Geno Smith as his quarterback. It's a combination of like, okay, weirdo Russ isn't around so I don't have to worry about placating him all the time... If I win a game with Geno Smith, that's pretty cool. If I lose, who really cares.

George Kittle should receive fantasy points for run blocking

A lot of people are like, Hey, when are they gonna get Kittle involved? Kittle is involved in the run game and I think he actually everything, I think George Kittle should get fantasy points for run block. Because he's one guy that does make that much of a difference.

The Detroit Lions won the Jared Goff/Matthew Stafford trade from a purely passer perspective

It's time to ask like who really won that trade Cat? The Rams or the Lions. [Big Cat: I'd want Jared Goff.] That's smart. So it's time to ask like who really won that trade... I mean Super Bowls, that's a team stat. Just from a purely passer perspective.

NFL cornerbacks are the biggest psychos on a football team

I would say cornerbacks. If cornerbacks were any bigger, we would have to just put 'em all away... they just have so much confidence at all times. All cornerbacks... they're psychopaths... they lead the league in pointing at other people.

Scoring a rushing touchdown is more demoralizing for a defense than a passing touchdown

Statistically speaking, you take a look at teams that lead the league in rushing touchdowns, running the football into the end zone is demoralizing for a defense... heads down, hands on hips... The past game: It's a quick touchdown. Okay, we'll get 'em back. They threw it in. The running game is like, go fucking replicate that ass whipping we just put on your defense.

I’m officially retiring from the NFL unless someone offers me a two-year, $15 million contract

I quietly, I didn't tell anybody I retired. Just didn't tell anyone... I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly... I've officially retired... [unless] two for 15 million. I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Patrick Mahomes would lead the Texans to the playoffs right now

The reality is, I think if you put Patrick Mahomes on the worst team in the league, I think they make the playoffs. Yeah, I think he's that good. I think he is. If he, if Pat, if you took Patrick Mahomes right now and put him on the Texans... they probably make the playoffs.

The Buccaneers and Chiefs will both make the divisional round of the playoffs

I would make a healthy wager that both the Bucks and Chiefs will be around divisional round playoffs.

I bet a decent amount of money on the Eagles to go 17-0

I did, I did put a future on the Eagles earlier this week. I, I put, I put a decent amount of money on them to go completely undefeated... they only have to get, they have to go 17 and oh for this to hit. If the Eagles go 17 and Oh I will, I will be a rich man.

Trevor Lawrence is a bad weather quarterback

Can Trevor Lawrence not play in rain?... I'm just excited cuz we can start a narrative, a new narrative of bad weather guy where we can just bet against Trevor Lawrence.

The Steelers are in danger of their first losing season under Mike Tomlin

The Steelers are probably in danger of going below 500 for the first time. I would say that since Mike Tomlin took over the team.

The Titans will win the AFC South because they always find a way

I think the Titans are just gonna find a way to win this division because that's just what they always do... You doubt the Titans and then they win. That's just how it goes.

Frank Reich is an example of 'height privilege' in coaching

I think that Frank Reich is an example of height privilege in this country. I think if he was short, if he looked like Matt Rhule, I think he would've already been fired... the gray hair just gives him a gravitas. He looks studious.

The Detroit Lions are the most exciting team in football

I think the Lions are the most exciting team in football... I think that the lines are just straight up exciting football because I think they lead the league in points per game. Yep. And I think they lead the league in points given up per game.

Jared Goff has a Hall of Fame case based on high-scoring game involvement

Jared Goff has now been part of three of the top 20 highest scoring games. NFL history... That's pretty cool... quarterback, their job is a score points.

The Houston Texans are a stock I would buy because they are tanking correctly

If the Texans are a stock right now I'm buying a shitload. I'm putting my paycheck into Texan stock... They have a shit loaded draft fixed... They are really bad... The Texans are doing a phenomenal job tanking. Yeah, they have.

Bailey Zappy is 'the guy' for the Patriots

I think he is. He is. They let him throw, if they let him throw the ball, he's the guy when they let him throw the ball... there was a spark and an energy when Bailey Zappy was playing today... I was more excited today watching that game than pretty much any of the other games.

Tua Tagovailoa should not have played against the Bengals on Thursday night

The bottom line is I think we talked about this on Sunday night, so it's not like news to us. [Tua] probably shouldn't have been playing tonight. It was scary, especially going into it. We knew that at least we had talked about it, that Tua should not have been in that game.

Jeff Bezos should invent an anti-concussion helmet for the NFL

Why hasn't Jeff Bezos tried to invent a machine that can definitively tell you if someone is concussed? Like a helmet that definitively makes it so you can't be concussed? He's invested in football now. He really has gotta put his money where his mouth is. Save football, Jeff Bezos.

The Bengals are still playing clunky and disorganized football

The Bengals, I don't wanna say they're like back because it does still feel like there's, they have drives where it's just very clunky and disorganized.

The Bengals have the best wide receivers in the NFL

They've got maybe the best receivers in the NFL. Definitively number one, the best receivers in the NFL. Don't ask us who numbers two and three are.

The Falcons aren't as bad as people think they are

I also just like the Falcons at home, I've kind of a hot take on the Falcons. I actually don't think they're that bad. Their offense is fun. So they're not that bad. I've got a new tier for the Falcons in your power rankings. It's just 'they're not that bad.' They're not as bad as you think they are because their offense when they do get the ball to their playmakers, they're actually scoring a shitload of points.

Nick Chubb could rush for 2,000 yards this season

Nick Chubb. Could he do 2,000 yards this year? I think Nick Chubb is probably, he might be my favorite running back in the NFL. He's maybe not the best overall, he's definitely top five, but I think he's my favorite to watch. It would be crazy if Nick Chubb did it while also sharing carries with Kareem Hunt.

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000-yard rushing benchmark for everyone else

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000 yards because he did it right after he was coming off an ACL surgery. So everybody else from that point, if you got an ACL injury, it's like it's not that bad.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The Jaguars are being overrated due to beating two injured teams

I'm taking the Eagles here just because I think everyone, I like the Jaguars, nice team. But like put it into perspective, they beat a beat up Colts team that they always beat in Jacksonville and then they beat up a very beat up Chargers team. Then have to fly all the way across the country and play an Eagles team that's rolling. I think it's gonna be a little market correction.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

The Ravens purple jerseys are a brighter shade this season

I have noticed one thing about the Ravens, I think, and I don't think this is just me being weird about it. Their jerseys are brighter this year. Their purple jerseys. I think it's actually a completely different purple.

The Packers are not that good

The Packers are not that good. Brian Hoyer is due for a win. They'll, no, they won't be in the hungry dog because I'm not putting the Patriots in anymore.

Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback in NFL history

Being able to actually focus on one game, it reminded me that Daniel Jones has the worst internal clock of any quarterback I've ever seen in my life. He's like just like 10 minutes either ahead or 10 minutes behind. But he is never on schedule.

Dan Quinn will be a head coach again, fail, and then return to being the best defensive coordinator in the league

Dan Quinn is a really fucking good defensive coach. He's gonna be a head coach again. I'm gonna call right out. Dan Quinn will be a head coach again and he's gonna go like eight and eight, then he's gonna go five and 11. Then he is gonna go five 11 again, get fired. Then he's gonna go somewhere and be the best coordinator in the league again.

Being a field goal holder is an easy job that even freshmen can do

I've been a holder. Really? Yeah. When I was like third string quarterback. It's an easy job. If you're a decent, if you're like can catch like they put like freshman as holders.

The Seahawks won the Russell Wilson trade because they got Geno Smith

I think it's time to ask the question... who won the Russell Wilson [for] Drew Lock trade? I mean, this is without Drew Lock, there would be no Geno Smith running back right now cooking. Geno is literally writing back to everybody this week... He's sitting down and handwriting letters to everybody that hated him and being like, yeah, you're right. [Geno Smith] just had his wedding and bar mitzvah and also had a kid. That's how many thank you letters he has to write out.

The Dolphins are for real because they won a tough defensive game

I walked away from this being like, yeah, the dolphins are for real, for real. Because remember we talked about Mike McDaniel when he has to face adversity, when he has to win the tough games, this was a tough fucking game. They had the ball for 20 minutes. The bills had the ball for 40. Like they had to dig deep and their defense had to make big fucking plays and they were able to do it.

The Dolphins will be 11-0 in December

I think there's a chance that after this game they might be favored in every game until December... that's when they go to Buffalo... so we might have 11 and oh. That's call my shot. 11 and oh in December.

Matt Nagy will ruin the Kansas City Chiefs from within

If I had to guess, I would say that [Eric Bieniemy] and Patrick Mahomes's relationship is probably not on the best terms right now... because they got [Matt Nagy] who's now the assistant quarterbacks coach in Kansas City. So he's probably... telling Patrick Mahomes, like, you should hear what Bieniemy says to you about in the coaches' meetings. He mother fucks you. He definitely will ruin that franchise from within. Absolutely. He probably called the fake field goal.

Jeff Bezos should buy the Bears and sign Lamar Jackson

If I were Jeff Bezos, I would buy a team... I would buy the bears. I'd just walk up to the McCaskeys and say, 'Hey, listen old people, here's 10 billion. I'm buying the bears.'... Now I'm gonna give Lamar Jackson the richest contract in NFL history, plus I'm gonna throw in like a 10th of a 10th of a percent of equity... and I'm just gonna fuck up the entire process for everyone else. Then you just get a great team instantly.

The Eagles are the best team in the NFL

The three and oh Eagles. The best team in the national football league... I mean, listen, MVP Jalen Hurts. Talk about a guy... The Eagles don't even have to play the second halves. Like they haven't had to... no, no, the Eagles are the real deal. I think we all, a lot of people were talking about, oh, the commanders is a trap spot for the Eagles. No, no, no. You know, trap spot? Super Bowl contending Philadelphia Eagles.

Jalen Hurts is an MVP candidate

That's MVP Jalen Hurts, because we should start that discussion, right Max? Absolutely. I mean, listen, MVP Jalen Hurts. Talk about a guy... Through three games he's over a thousand yards combined, seven touchdowns... Lamar's MVP season, he had 1035 yards, eight touchdowns. So less yards, one more touchdown. Let's start talking about Jalen Hurts being MVP candidate.

Justin Fields is bad and making me sad

Justin Fields. He's bad. I'll just say it, he's bad. And actually, I don't even have to say it myself because he said it. He said he played like ass. He played like trash... This is a bad two in one bears team... History is just in a sick fucking way repeating itself where there's a terrible bears quarterback link to this abysmal stat of a lack of completions through three games... I think he's actually taken over for the Josh Rosen stat line. It hurts so bad.

Trevor Lawrence is officially a 'guy'

I'm gonna say it right now. Trevor Lawrence is a guy... I'm gonna say he's good. And I think the Jaguars are going up my power rankings... I think they're good. I have a 'probably good'. I think they might just be good... I'm buying the Jaguars. I'm hitting the Jaguars. Jaguars fans, this is, you've been waiting for this moment for a very long time.

The Packers will probably win the Super Bowl and it's a nightmare

I'm officially like Packers will probably win the Super Bowl and my worst nightmares will come true... I am officially nervous about the Packers because their defense is legit. And I was looking at their schedule and I'm even more nervous because it feels like they have a four game stretch here where they're gonna just get to figure shit out offensively.

Zach Wilson is officially cleared and the Jets will beat the Steelers

My 'who's back' is Zach Wilson. He's officially back and cleared to play next week against Pittsburgh... a game we can win... Sola said after in the press conference. I broke the fucking news. If anyone else tries to say they broke the news on Sunday... Billy football had it 1:00 AM Monday morning. Facts.