Takes

The Detroit Lions are making the playoffs this year

I'm going to defend you in a little bit because I think that the Lions are making the playoffs this year. I still think that maybe I'm gonna be the team that you don't want us to maybe at the end of the year.

The Browns will rebound and could make the playoffs at 9-7

I think the Browns are going to win this week. I really do and I think sometimes I think they're going to change the narrative their season. We actually went through the schedule on Monday show the Browns have a path if they can. The games are supposed to win it will basically come down to playing the Ravens and Steelers twice and they can get into the playoffs at 9 and 7 in the AFC.

The Washington Redskins are more likely to win a World Series than a Super Bowl in the next five years

I said earlier today that I think the Redskins are more likely to win a World Series than they are Super Bowl in the next five years. Yeah, I'd agree. I'd agree just just by like a random shit show of occurrences that somehow become a major league team.

NFL passing stats are currently meaningless because the era makes them so easy to manipulate

NFL passing stats are so funny. Tom Brady and Andy Dalton played in the same era, but because it was even like, you know, ten years ago, you can manipulate the stats through age 32, it's ridiculous. NFL passing stats are so fucking funny to look at whoever comes after this. We'll beat everyone before it.

Andy Reid doesn't understand how time works

[Andy Reid] has been one of the best coaches of all time. It's remarkable and his coaching tree all that. He does not know how time works. He doesn't know what a clock is. Like we said, he measures time in units of meat.

Dan Quinn will be fired by Monday morning

Dan Quinn... He'll be fired if he's not fired tomorrow morning, then it's just stupid and they're going to wait till what the second part of the bye now.

The 49ers are very much for real

The 49ers are very much for real and we can segue this with we were talking about it. There are two undefeated teams left the forerunners of the Patriots. Could you imagine the story lines if that were Super Bowl?

The Patriots defense will regress because of turnover luck

I mentioned that turnover luck can play a part in Defenses being really good and sometimes will regress to the mean... I was just mentioning that if your game plan is to always have four turnovers at some point. That's not going to happen.

The 2019 Patriots defense is the best of all time

The Patriots defense is going to be regarded as the best defense of all time. Not even '86 Bears defense... They're already forgotten about.

Matt Nagy is just an arrogant, cocky version of Marc Trestman

Matt Nagy is just an arrogant cocky Marc Trestman. That's what he is. He's a guy who thinks that he's smarter than he is and has over thought pretty much every big situation... the guy this year, he stinks.

Matt Stafford deserves to be on the MVP shortlist

Matt Stafford is going to start getting some MVP buzz. Have you looked at Matt Stafford's year? He has been phenomenal. 16 touchdowns for interceptions. He is passing the ball deep and not making like the classic Matt Stafford mistakes... He should be on the 5 [finalists].

The Lions are a team you wouldn't want to play in the playoffs, but they won't make it

I think that they would be a team you wouldn't want to play in the playoffs but they won't make it. I think that they could beat a playoff team. Yeah. I don't think that they will [make it].

Kirk Cousins will eventually break everyone's heart

I'm not ready to crown Kirk Cousins. I think he's still going to break everyone's heart. It's going to happen eventually. Of course.

A Rams, Colts, and Packers moneyline parlay cannot lose this week

Here's the can't lose parlay. The Rams, they're not going to lose to the Bengals... The Colts are at home against the Broncos. They're not going to lose... The Packers are not going to lose to Matt Moore.

Playing Patrick Mahomes against the Packers would be Andy Reid's dumbest decision

If Andy Reid plays Patrick Mahomes, this will go down as the dumbest decision that he's ever made in a career that's been largely defined by singular dumb decisions that he's made during games.

The Bears will kill the Chargers this weekend

I think the Bears are going to kill the Chargers. I do... They will win this game easily because the Chargers' offense has problems. Their offensive line has problems. The Chargers are a soft football team.

The Chiefs will beat the Packers outright without Patrick Mahomes

What do you think the line would be if Mahomes was playing?... I think they're going to win outright.

The Washington Redskins should change their name

I'm especially scarred over the last two decades of Daniel Snyder's ownership of the Washington Redskins. I think the Washington Redskins should change their name.

Tom Brady will be the starting quarterback for the Chargers in 2020

So you can see pretty easily by those three facts that Tom Brady is going to be the quarterback for the Los Angeles Chargers next year.

Tom Brady could return to the 49ers just to 'cuck' Jimmy Garoppolo again

I was going to say how funny it would be if he just went to San Francisco and was like, I want to finish my hometown team. Jimmy, you're out. Just cucks Jimmy again.

The Patriots are going to walk their way to the Super Bowl

I think the Patriots are going to walk their way to the Super Bowl. But they'd have to play some teams with a pulse coming up and it'll be interesting to see what that looks like.

Matt Nagy is cracking and losing his mind as the Bears head coach

My hot seat is Matt Nagy. He's cracking. He's losing his mind. He had the Bears throwing egg toss in practice. That screams like, 'Hey, I'm just trying to do one of those fun games that you do in training camp,' but it's the middle of the season. And yikes. He also told all the players to stay off Twitter.

The Philadelphia Eagles might be done

The Eagles might be done... they stink... I thought the Eagles were going to win straight to me too. But their defense is atrocious.

The Falcons are the worst team in the NFL

Are the Falcons maybe the worst team in the NFL? See they still have that lingering sense of they were winning in the Super Bowl a couple years ago... but they are really, really bad. Their defense is one of the worst I've ever seen.

The Buffalo Bills will win 10 games this season

The bills are going to be those are gonna win ten games.

Kirk Cousins is all the way back

Kirk Cousins is all the way back... I put the done chain on them after it... I would like to apologize to Vikings fans and to Kirk Cousins.

Aaron Rodgers is the NFL MVP

Aaron Rodgers... he's MVP. No, this is MVP Aaron that we're seeing right now five touchdowns pretty good.

Pat Shurmur is a terrible coach and should be fired

I think [Pat Shurmur] is a terrible, terrible head coach and I think he should be fired... Eli Manning was essentially like a body shield for Pat Shurmur... Daniel Jones seems to be pretty good, you have Saquon Barkley, you had [Evan] Engram back, Golden Tate and you stink.

The Tennessee Titans will make the Wild Card round

The Titans are back kind of... they're going to be one of these teams that goes on a run and pisses me off. Their butt cheeks are going to play in the Wild Card round.

The Baltimore Ravens are not frauds

Hand up, the Baltimore Ravens are not frauds... That was an impressive win, an impressive road win... they are real.

The Chicago Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback

The Bears are destined to never have a franchise quarterback. It will never ever happen. It will never happen. The fact that we had DeShaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes in that draft class, it will never happen. It is destined. It is preordained.

I am betting heavily on the Patriots tonight because Tom Brady is under attack

Tom Brady somebody asked him a question about it at his locker... and he looked like he was going to cry... All I have to say about that is I'm betting heavily on the Patriots tonight.

Patrick Mahomes' knee injury will only keep him out for 3 to 4 weeks

Patrick Mahomes has a knee... hopefully it's only gonna be like three or four weeks. But if he has a ligament [tear] then it's more.

Joe Flacco's body language is the most concerning thing about the Broncos offense

The most concerning thing about Joe Flacco tonight was his body language overall. He has a face that he looks like he's always looking for his car in a big parking lot... He looks like he knows that his body is not capable of doing anything anymore.

The Giants, Niners, and Seahawks will all win to complete a 'Can't Lose Parlay'

I got the Giants... I got the Niners guaranteed... and I got the Seahawks against the F-word Ravens frauds.

Kirk Cousins will have a typical 'bad' game against the Lions with one TD and two INTs

This feels to me like a Cousins one touchdown to two interceptions game, maybe get Adam Thielen killed on a cross route... a very hilarious fumble six.

Pete Carroll is the number one 'Dap' coach in the NFL

Number one dap coach would be, I think it's Pete Carroll... I don't think he's ever missed when he's like that.

Perfecting NFL refereeing would destroy 90% of sports conversation

If they ever do get sky judge, if they do ever perfect refereeing in the NFL... Like 90% of our conversations, day-to-day conversations will be gone. Because if you're a sports fan, what are the things that you can blame your team on sucking? ... If you eliminate refs, now everyone's going to have to come to the realization that, hey, maybe my guys aren't my guys.

NFL officials are individually better than ever, but overall officiating is worse

I think the officials from top to bottom are better, but the officiating is worse. And, you know, it's been created by replay. It's created by a system that's called 'O to O' Officials to Officials. They now have the replay guy in their ear. They have New York in their ear. It's easier to sit back and think that things are going to be corrected for you.

NFL pass interference replay rule won't return in its current form next year

I think it's impossible that the rule, the way that it is judged now, pass interference, the replay element, I think it's impossible for that to move on beyond this year. ... I think what is obvious to me is that the rule in its current form will not be back next year.

Jameis Winston is the funniest physical comedian in NFL history

This was, in my mind, the quintessential Jameis Winston performance. He is the funniest person I have ever watched in my entire life when it comes to physical comedy. His body makes no sense. He flails everywhere. He had five interceptions, fumbled on back-to-back plays, lost one of them. He started the game first play pick. Ended the game, last play pick.

It is over for Jameis Winston in Tampa Bay

I can't wait for him to be a backup quarterback, but it's over in Tampa for him.

Freddie Kitchens is the root of all the problems in Cleveland

I think that [Kitchens] is ultimately the root of all the problems that are going on out there in Cleveland.

The Houston Texans are officially for real

I am ready to say the Houston Texans are for real. They're for real. Okay. Yep. That's it... This road win in Arrowhead... I am officially saying I respect the Houston Texans, and I think they are very good.

The Kansas City Chiefs are a soft football team

I'm going to say it again. I did say it last week that the S word, I'll say it. They're soft... When you can just go into a team's home environment... and run the ball like the Colts did and like the Texans did, you get the soft tag for me.

I will remove the 'fraud' tag from the Ravens if they win one of their next two games

Ravens fans, I will take off the F-word tag I've put on your team. If you win one of the two next games, you're going to at Seattle and then you're playing at home against New England. If you win one of those games, I will now take the Ravens for real and I will eliminate the fraud tag.

The Los Angeles Chargers are officially done for the season

Chargers are done. Chargers are done. Did I done them last week? I didn't done them last week. They're done. They're officially done.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are going to win the AFC North

I said this to you, PFT, a few weeks ago. I think the Steelers are still going to win the AFC North... They'll just go and fuck around and win this whole thing.

The San Francisco 49ers are officially for real

I'm instead going to use this time to say... I believe in the 49ers now. I apologize to the 49ers. I picked against them almost every single week. Their defense is very, very good. And George Kittle is the best tight end in the NFL.

Marcus Mariota is finished as a starter in the NFL

Marcus Mariota, it's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's over.