Takes

I'm taking the Cowboys to win or cover against the Rams

Cowboys at Rams. Rams are minus seven... I'm taking the Cowboys. And I'm just saying it out loud. I do this every single divisional round. I always overstate what I've seen from wildcard rounds. So in my mind, I always go to divisional round and say, well, the Cowboys are 1-0 in their last one, and the Rams haven't played in a week... So the Cowboys are hot.

This is Philip Rivers' last best chance for a Super Bowl

This one [Chargers-Patriots] means a lot because we not only have Phil Rivers, probably his... I'm not going to say his last best chance for a Super Bowl, but this seems like his last best chance for a Super Bowl.

I'm taking the Chargers to beat the Patriots

I love Phil Rivers in this game. I like their running game. I like their defense... I'm taking the Chargers, baby.

The Eagles will cover +8 and win against the Saints because of Nick Foles

I'm taking the Eagles. I'm taking all the underdogs this week... I feel like eight is too much. And Nick Foles, whatever's going on, I don't know... I just don't know how you can go against whatever the hell is going on with Nick Foles.

Kyler Murray is making the right choice by choosing the NFL over MLB

Kyler Murray making the right choice, playing a real man's sport... This is the right choice, wouldn't you say?... even 32, Lamar Jackson got $7 million guaranteed last year... Kyler Murray, if he goes to Major League Baseball, he's already behind the clock... basically betting, like, the money would be better right now for the NFL. It's guaranteed in the first round.

Cliff Kingsbury is overrated in terms of attractiveness

I don't think Cliff Kingsbury is as hot as people are saying he is... wearing sunglasses all the time in pictures is the easiest way to make people think you're more attractive than you really are... I really do think he's got a weird mouth. A little sideways.

The Eagles have a real legitimate shot at beating the Saints because of Nick Foles

Philadelphia all day. That's as a fan... As a real sports guy, we have a real legitimate shot at beating the Saints... And I say that because of Foles. Foles, regardless of the numbers, acts as a heart to that system when they feel like they're the underdogs... if we get past this game, we should be in the Super Bowl.

Vikings GM Rick Spielman's game day routine is absolute insanity

Rick Spielman... eats the same breakfast sandwich: fried egg, bacon, and peanut butter on a wheat round. He shaves the left side of his face, then the right. He puts his shoes and socks on before his pants. Leaves his house at the same time so he can arrive at the stadium at 8... uses the same pump, and makes sure always to end his purchase on a zero. Zeros are just good.

The NFC North is currently a league of coaches named Matt

The next one is going to be – fuck, I wrote down the name. I think it's going to be Zach Taylor... But bonus point, if your name's Matt, because now the NFC North has three Matts as their head coaches. Three out of four Matts.

Josh McDaniels might be blackballed from NFL head coaching jobs

I think he has to sit out a couple years for what he did to the Colts, don't you? Do you think Josh McDaniels is a blackball case? Put that ahead of Colin Kaepernick.

Jeff Fisher will not get another NFL head coaching job this year

Will [Jeff Fisher] get a job? No. ... If anybody is pursuing him, it is either being done very secretly or an owner is going to get to a spot where he says, you know what? I don't like any of these options. Let's go get Jeff Fisher. That's the only way it's going to happen this year.

The Colts could go to the Super Bowl

Credit to the Colts because I think the Colts could actually go to the Super Bowl. What they did to the Texans' defensive line was incredible.

The Saints will win the NFC

I think that the Saints win that [the NFC] at home. I think it's going to be Saints out of the NFC.

The Patriots don't have what it takes to win the Super Bowl

Any team from the AFC, I could see winning the Super Bowl, actually. Absolutely. Except for the Patriots. I don't think the Patriots really have what it takes.

The Rams will beat the Cowboys convincingly

I think the Rams are going to kick the shit out of [the Cowboys].

The Chargers will beat the Patriots straight up

I'll make you bet straight up. I do think that the Chargers are going to win. There you go. I really do.

The price for Dak Prescott's contract extension went up after the Seahawks win

Whatever they wanted to pay him, it went up on Saturday night because he played at a higher level. ... I think that they're in good hands with Prescott now.

If Nick Foles beats the Saints, the Eagles have to keep him and trade Carson Wentz

If Foles pulls it off again, if he's got one more rabbit up his ass that he can pull out in that [Saints] game, then I think that's the point where you have to say, you know what, Carson Wentz is a better quarterback, but we're a better team with Nick Foles, and we just have to accept it and move forward with him.

Carson Wentz isn't a franchise quarterback because he plays recklessly and isn't available

With Wentz, the problem is this. It's not how he plays. It's that he's not available to play. And if you can't keep yourself on the field every week, every year, then how can you call yourself a franchise quarterback? ... Carson Wentz still plays recklessly.

The 2018-19 NFL playoffs are the most wide-open in history

I've been saying it. It is the most wide-open playoffs we've ever had, and I'm excited. Yeah, three of the four games [this weekend] are under a field goal in terms of the point spread.

The Colts will beat the Texans in the Wild Card round

My pinky's on the line, and I'm not saying this just because my pinky's on the line. I think the Colts are going to win this game.

The Texans will blow out the Colts

I'm taking the Texans. Texans blow them out.

The Seahawks will beat the Cowboys

My pick here is I'm going to go with Seattle. I am too. I'm going with Seattle.

The Ravens will beat the Chargers

I still think the Ravens are going to win. That would be my pick because I just honestly think the Chargers are not built to beat [them]... It's the worst matchup for the Chargers.

The Chargers will beat the Ravens through turnover luck

I'm taking the Chargers. I think Gordon... I don't know... But you know how you get it done? A little turnover magic. A little turnover luck. Lamar Jackson might throw a pick.

The Bears will beat the Eagles easily

I truly mean this. You [Big Cat] don't have anything to worry about. Bears got this. Home playoff game with that defense. You kidding me? You kidding me?

I can see the Eagles winning on a missed Cody Parkey kick

I could see the Eagles winning a close game in like a Cody Parkey misses a kick. But just as easily as that, I could see the Bears winning by like 21.

The Ravens' run offense is only successful because of Lamar Jackson's threat

The holes are ginormous. Like, and that's the thing that's unbelievable about a running quarterback is you don't have to block certain people because his fake will block a lot of people. You don't have to block the DN [defensive end] to the left because a DN to the left has to, he has to acknowledge Lamar.

NFL teams will figure out Lamar Jackson in his second year

Next year is going to be different. I truly believe that... the coordinators haven't had a year to see what they're doing. You look at a lot of the great running quarterbacks, their first year is pretty nuts, and then the second year, that's when you see if they're really that good.

Antonio Brown will not be traded and will stay with the Steelers

I'm so excited for Antonio Brown to have to stay with the Steelers next year, and it's going to be such a circus... He's staying with the Steelers. I'm guaranteeing it.

The Carolina Panthers will be on Hard Knocks in 2019

I'm predicting the Panthers for hard knocks officially... they got it in my head, so now I'm just going with it. They have a new owner. We're going to spend three episodes with him, talk about him getting adjusted to the NFL.

Jason Garrett is the dumbest person alive for playing his starters in Week 17

Jason Garrett wins the Are You the Dumbest Person Alive Award for playing all his starters because he desperately – now, I don't know what you think, but I think it was clear that Jason Garrett wanted to win 10 games so that when Jerry Jones goes to his office next year and is like, hey, I'm thinking about firing you, he's like, but I won 10 games.

The rest of the AFC North should be terrified of the Browns in 2019

By the way, if I'm in the AFC North next year, I'm terrified [of the] Browns. That's the big thing. I don't care who their coach is as long as his name isn't Hue [Jackson].

Mike McCarthy will be the next head coach of the Cleveland Browns

It's going to be Mike McCarthy. Yeah. He's interviewing them, I think, tomorrow. Oh, and he's got it. Yeah. It's just a formality.

I would rather play the Vikings than the Eagles in the playoffs

I actually went back and forth because, listen, I'm not on the team, so I can say this. I would rather play the Vikings than the Eagles. This is not bulletin board material. I think playing the Super Bowl champs, Nick Foles... versus playing Kirk Cousins who cannot beat anyone. Ever. Who has a winning record.

Adam Gase will get hired as a head coach almost immediately after being fired by the Dolphins

Dolphins, Adam Gase. I don't even consider this a firing because he's going to get hired almost immediately. And this is just a product of you had Ryan Tannehill as your quarterback.

John Gruden loves himself too much to build the Raiders into winners

I think what you're seeing now is that John loves John. It's about John. And, you know, you get rid of Khalil Mack, you get rid of Amari Cooper. Not sure why in the hell you do that because they're two really, really good players, cornerstones you build around... I don't think he can adapt to this player in this day and age right now... He's still about coming in at 3:17 in the morning, writing his own cue cards. He's got to change that. If he can't, he won't be successful.

Rob Gronkowski is no longer the same player and will be available this offseason

This offseason, I'd bet your money and my money, Rob Gronkowski is probably going to be available this offseason. And people are going to say, man, Gronk's available. But if you watch Gronk play, Gronk isn't the same Gronk anymore. Like he can't run the way he used to.

The Chargers and Saints will meet in the Super Bowl

I'm going for a little bit of, let's go Chargers [versus] Saints. Drew Brees, Philip Rivers, all that. Revenge game against his old team. I like that.

The Steelers will trade Antonio Brown

I think he's going to get traded. I think the craziest part of the story was you've got to really fuck up to get benched, to be the best player on your team and get benched during a game or for a game that would get you into the playoffs.

The strategy of not paying quarterbacks is only true if the quarterback is Kirk Cousins or Matthew Stafford

So essentially the argument that people are tweeting out that you shouldn't pay a quarterback boils down to just don't pay Kirk Cousins or Matt Stafford. That works. That's it... Essentially the entire theory that you should just draft a young quarterback and never pay a quarterback makes no sense because half of the playoffs are quarterbacks that are going to be paid $20 million or more.

I would love to run the same offense in the NFL that I ran at Oklahoma

To me, yeah, obviously the easiest answer would be, yeah, I'd love to run the offense I did at Oklahoma. That's because I had three years to do it, and I got so comfortable in it.

Eli Manning deserves more respect from Giants fans despite being benched

Why are they still playing Eli Manning and benching Blake Bortles? That makes no sense. Eli brought them two championships, even though they were bullshit wins. They count. Eli should get the kind of respect that he deserves from the Giants fans, and all these guys are flipping so quick.

I believe I can play 10 more years in the NFL

I probably got like 10 more. Yeah, I probably got like six or like seven real years in me than the last three I just steal. Just get in on third downs.

The Cleveland Browns will win at least six games this season

Shout out to the Cleveland Browns. You're going to win a game this year. We're going to win at least six games.

Modern NFL rules favor the offense so much that it is no longer good quality football

It [pisses me off] because the rules favor the offense so much. They favor the offense, and it's frustrating to watch. And fans, for whatever reason, they want to see high-scoring games. And to me, it's not fun. That's not good quality football.

Cam Newton should have dove for the fumble in the Super Bowl

What do you think about Cam's business decision? Yeah, I think you just go for the ball, man. Be a team player.

The Ravens are the NFL team of the weekend

Our team of the weekend has to be the Ravens. What they did on Saturday night, going to San Diego and beating Phil Rivers and a super hot Chargers team by playing 1940s offense is unbelievable. They do bully ball.

I'm not selling my Chargers stock yet

I'm still hanging on to my Charger stock. It's going to turn around just like Bitcoin. I completely agree that was a nightmare matchup for the chargers.

The AFC East has consistently sucked worse than any division in the history of sports

The AFC East has consistently sucked worse than any division in any sport in the history of balls. Ever since a ball was invented, no team has had it easier than the Patriots.