Ryan Whitney + Fire Nick Saban?

Alabama is the worst 14-1 team of all time

Is Alabama the worst 14-1 team of all time? There probably is a team out there, and remember when I told you a little trivia, 1897 was the last time the team went 15-0... I think they got dethroned by Alabama.

Nick Saban got significantly outcoached by Dabo Swinney in the National Championship

Not only was it an ass-kicking, Nick Saban got outcoached. [Saban] looked like he was going to explode on the sidelines. He got outcoached. He was outcoached by far.

The blueprint to beating Tua Tagovailoa is hitting him in the groin in the first quarter

The blueprints out there for how to beat Tua [Tagovailoa] is hit him in his dick in the first quarter, and then he'll just be thinking about his balls for the rest of the game.

Trevor Lawrence is Teddy Bridgewater 2.0

He's like a six-month-old dog... His paws are big. He's got skinny shoulders. He's got skinny hips. Skinny knees. He's like Teddy Bridgewater 2.0.

Drake jinxes teams publicly and then bets against them to profit privately

Drake, is he the best gambler in the world? Because he basically wears the clothing of the team and then bets against them. And it always works in his way. So he wears Kentucky clothes, or he says he's an Alabama fan, and then he bets against them in the big game and cashes his tickets.

Vikings GM Rick Spielman's game day routine is absolute insanity

Rick Spielman... eats the same breakfast sandwich: fried egg, bacon, and peanut butter on a wheat round. He shaves the left side of his face, then the right. He puts his shoes and socks on before his pants. Leaves his house at the same time so he can arrive at the stadium at 8... uses the same pump, and makes sure always to end his purchase on a zero. Zeros are just good.

You should be allowed to walk your dog in just boxers and slippers before 9 AM

If you have a dog and it's before 9 a.m., you should be able to walk on the street in just boxers... boxers and slippers. And people can't say anything. It's the dog walking rule.

Calgary's Saddledome is a complete shithole

It's really cool to look at from the outside, but it's a complete shithole. For a current day pro sports arena, it's in the very, very low bottom percentage of that entire list.

Montreal is the best atmosphere in North American hockey

Montreal... you should see this place. Just the fans right on top of you... the seats just go straight up. It's loud as hell. The French are completely nuts. By far and away, it was my favorite place to play.

NBA players are egotistical 'assholes' compared to modest NHL players

It's the ego on these assholes [in the NBA] to think that they're bigger than the team. They're bigger than the league... LeBron carries wine into the fucking game. Looking like a clown. And by the way, no hockey player would ever do that. They're going to say my teammates are the best teammates of all time because they don't need everything to be about them.

The NFC North is currently a league of coaches named Matt

The next one is going to be – fuck, I wrote down the name. I think it's going to be Zach Taylor... But bonus point, if your name's Matt, because now the NFC North has three Matts as their head coaches. Three out of four Matts.

Josh McDaniels might be blackballed from NFL head coaching jobs

I think he has to sit out a couple years for what he did to the Colts, don't you? Do you think Josh McDaniels is a blackball case? Put that ahead of Colin Kaepernick.

Derrick Rose's 'kill yourself' comment was not a slip of the tongue

Derrick Rose said, 'everyone that thinks that it's going to stop, kill yourself.' ... He then doubled down on it. He said, 'like I said before, kill yourself.' ... When you say it twice, you don't get the slip of the tongue tag. When you double down, the slip of the tongue doesn't work anymore.

You only get to break one TV in your life due to sports anger

I have a take. I think everyone gets one TV in their life to break. If you show that much passion about a team, then you probably have a lively personality... You got one TV to break in your life. Use it wisely.

Men who buy cats are betas who want to be dominated by an animal

You're dealing with a cat guy here. Cat guys are not alphas. Not an expert negotiator. He basically got a cat because he's such a beta that he wants an animal that will dominate him... If you get a cat as a male in the United States past the age of 10 years old because you want it, you should not be allowed to date one of our American women. Go to France.