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Win
Jan 9, 2019·PR 101
#4369
Big CatBig Cat

Derrick Rose's 'kill yourself' comment was not a slip of the tongue

Derrick Rose said, 'everyone that thinks that it's going to stop, kill yourself.' ... He then doubled down on it. He said, 'like I said before, kill yourself.' ... When you say it twice, you don't get the slip of the tongue tag. When you double down, the slip of the tongue doesn't work anymore.

The transcript of the press conference confirms Rose said it twice, making the argument that it was intentional at the time a logical one.

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Loss
Jan 9, 2019
#4357
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Alabama is the worst 14-1 team of all time

Is Alabama the worst 14-1 team of all time? There probably is a team out there, and remember when I told you a little trivia, 1897 was the last time the team went 15-0... I think they got dethroned by Alabama.

While Alabamba was dominated, they were objectively one of the most talented teams in the country. This is a satirical valuation of the loss.
Win
Jan 9, 2019
#4358
Big CatBig Cat

Nick Saban got significantly outcoached by Dabo Swinney in the National Championship

Not only was it an ass-kicking, Nick Saban got outcoached. He got outcoached. He was outcoached by far.

The final score (44-16) and several failed gambles (fake field goal) support the idea that Clemson's staff had the better game plan.
Void
Jan 9, 2019
#29214
PFT CommenterPFT Commenter

Nick Saban looked like an anaconda squeezing the life out of himself because he got outcoached

Little Nick Saban looked like he was going to explode on the sidelines. He got outcoached. He was outcoached by far. He does the thing where when he's really mad, you can tell because he just turns red and he crosses his arms and he just squeezes his own body. And he was like an anaconda squeezing the life out of himself because he knows he's not going to get that nut after the game that he needs.

This is a subjective characterization of Saban's body language.

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Void
Jul 17, 2026·Mt. Rushmore
#30966
Big CatBig Cat

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

While funny, avian intelligence is usually measured by tool use (crows) or problem-solving, though urban adaptation is a form of intelligence.
Void
Jul 15, 2026
#30948
Big CatBig Cat

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

This is a hypothetical claim about a retired player's current ability, which is fundamentally subjective.
Void
Jul 15, 2026
#30949
Big CatBig Cat

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.

Inherently subjective and hyperbolic comparison.