Alabama is the worst 14-1 team of all time

Is Alabama the worst 14-1 team of all time? There probably is a team out there, and remember when I told you a little trivia, 1897 was the last time the team went 15-0... I think they got dethroned by Alabama.

Nick Saban got significantly outcoached by Dabo Swinney in the National Championship

Not only was it an ass-kicking, Nick Saban got outcoached. He got outcoached. He was outcoached by far.

Nick Saban looked like an anaconda squeezing the life out of himself because he got outcoached

Little Nick Saban looked like he was going to explode on the sidelines. He got outcoached. He was outcoached by far. He does the thing where when he's really mad, you can tell because he just turns red and he crosses his arms and he just squeezes his own body. And he was like an anaconda squeezing the life out of himself because he knows he's not going to get that nut after the game that he needs.

It is physically impossible to chug a beer out of the Buffalo Sabres sword

The mc of the event's, like, dude, these things you can't chug out of 'em. You have to drink it slow because you can't chug. They end up spilling. It's impossible to chug. I said, oh, all right. Well I wish you told me that beforehand mc guy.

Connor McDavid has lost his superpower due to injury

McDavid's hurt. And it just sucks... It's like he lost his superpower. So he skates like no one I've ever seen before... And now he doesn't have that. He still has the straightaway speed, I've noticed... but the little cutbacks where he is beating D out of the corner... He doesn't have it.

The NBA product has never been worse

The product's never been worse. The NBA and I don't watch it. So you can say, how do you know the product? It's, it's terrible. And if you're not somebody, I've asked you guys... lead off your show with hockey when football season's not going. But no, you guys stick to basketball and it's horrible.