Takes

Sam Darnold will definitely be a Hall of Famer

I feel like this is a long time coming, and I'm sure Sam Darnold will be a Hall of Famer.

Derek Carr sucks

Chucky is back. And the Raiders are a hot mess. Derek Carr... sucks. He sucks.

Sean McVay is a much better head coach than Jon Gruden

I think what it taught us more than everything is that Sean McVay is just a much better head coach than Jon Gruden. The way that he adjusted. Time is undefeated. The first half was classic Gruden football... And then at halftime when the adjustments get made, McVay obviously knows what he's doing.

Jason Garrett will definitely be fired this year

I think that... This is absolutely the year that he [Jason Garrett] gets fired. He's going to lose to the Giants on Sunday night, by the way.

Fantasy football dehumanizes NFL players

I hate fantasy football. I just think it just dehumanizes the players. I think you put somebody in a place where they're not real, they're not human... this guy blew his fucking ACL out. Nobody really doesn't care about him as a human being just about how many points can he bring to his team.

Fletcher Cox is the best defensive tackle in the NFL

Who's the best defensive tackle in the league right now? And you can't say yourself. Fletcher Cox. Good answer.

NFL preseason quarters should be shortened to eight minutes

I would cut the preseason down to eight minutes a quarter, too. Because it doesn't make sense to have the game so long, 15 minutes when you know that the game doesn't count... I just think they should cut the minutes down because the risk of losing some of your starters versus the reward of them I don't think is worth it.

85% of NFL players are scared at the moment of contact when tackling

Every time you look at it, it's very rarely that there's a couple guys in the NFL who are really just coming in and they form tackle the right way. But every time people duck their heads, at the moment of contact, 85% of everybody gets scared. If you look at it, people's eyes are closed. They're scared of it. It's human nature.

The Eagles will win the NFC and go from there

Give me an official prediction real quick for your record this year... As an eagle. I think we're going to win our conference and go from there.

The Bears defense is elite and can beat anyone

This Bears defense can beat anyone. [The 20-0 halftime lead] feels like a pivotal era in the Bears history where it's like everything's going to be good from this point forward.

Ben Roethlisberger is bad now because he's too skinny

He's bad now that he's skinny. He doesn't know how to operate without all that extra padding around him. He just drops back, and since he doesn't have that padding, he's used to defensive ends just hitting him and bouncing off him or just being absorbed by his fat.

The Ravens are going to win the AFC North

The Ravens do look like a good football team. John Harbaugh is a week one gangster. Yeah, they're going to win that division.

The Bengals are going to win the AFC North

Yeah, so my team that's going to win the [AFC] North, the Cincinnati Bengals... They have a ton of talent, and as long as Andy Dalton... Their color rush unis were fire.

I was wrong: Patrick Mahomes is electric and I'm a believer

One person that I do have to take back my take is Patrick Mahomes. I said Patrick Mahomes stinks and is going to be terrible... I will admit my mistakes. He's electric. No, I'm actually a believer in him now.

Whoever loses Bears vs. Seahawks in Week 2 will miss the playoffs

Whoever loses that game is not going to make the playoffs. Can I just do it right now? Can I just say it's a win? You don't have to play it?

Jeremy Hill will be the most physical running back in New England since Corey Dillon

[Jeremy] Hill, the new running back that they got in town. He's going to be the most physical running back in New England since Corey Dillon. Maybe even more physical.

Tom Brady will play three more years and win one more Super Bowl

Gun to your head, Tom Brady, how many more years does he play? Three. How many more Super Bowls does he win? One.

Matt Ryan stinks

Today is Friday, September 7th and Matt Ryan stinks. Is Matt Ryan hurt? Because he's not good.

You can't complain about Steve Sarkisian's bad play calling because that's exactly what he is

Everyone's blaming [Steve] Sarkisian for everything just because he sucks at play calling. That's not his fault. That's who he is. If you hire Sark to be your offensive coordinator, you should know what you're going to get, and you can't complain about it.

The Bengals will be a good value this year

I'm also buying the Bengals this year. I think this is the perfect year for the Bengals to get Marvin Lewis another seven years. Joe Mixon, John Ross, A.J. Green, I actually think they're going to score points.

The Buccaneers will cover +9.5 against the Saints

For my underdog I'm going with the Buccaneers... They're plus nine and a half at New Orleans. This is one of the situations where every bone in my body says to take New Orleans so I'm going to fade myself and I'm going with the Buccaneers.

I am not a Patrick Mahomes guy

I want to be on the record that I am not a Mahomes guy. Okay. Put me on the record. Put me in the history books.

The Bears were right to trade two first-round picks for Khalil Mack

[Ryan] Pace is the man. He gave up two first-rounders. Put his nuts on the table. But you don't know if they're going to be good anyway. People are always like, why would you give two first rounders? So you draft the first rounder. Do you know he's going to be good right away? Any time you get a chance to get a player like Khalil [Mack], you do it.

Mitchell Trubisky will have a breakout year with an open play book

I think [Mitchell Trubisky] is going to do well. You look at last year, they didn't let him do much last year. I think this year will be different. They're going to open it up, use his athletic ability, move him around a little bit. I've not been this excited in a long time about our team.

Bear Weather is 100% real

Is Bear weather real? Yes, 100%. Nobody wants to play in Chicago past December or November or whatever. Our fans love it. In the winter, they don't care, man. They're going to come out and support no matter what. If you're playing there, you better take advantage of that weather because it's not going to change.

Aaron Rodgers is the toughest quarterback I ever played against

Who's the toughest quarterback you had to play against? Aaron [Rodgers]. His mobility is obviously—his arm is tremendous, but his mobility and they're never in a bad play. You can't trick them.

I'll eat a cow dick if the Raiders make the playoffs

We'll eat a cow dick if the Raiders make the playoffs. Spread that mayo all over it. Yeah, we'll eat a cow dick if the Raiders make the playoffs.

Alex Jones would be a decent NFL defensive coordinator

I actually think Alex Jones would be a decent NFL defensive coordinator if you gave him just like two years in a dark room with some playbooks. Just showed him the basic concepts and let him just motivate the guys. He's like if Jim Tomsula took LSD at a very young age.

The Browns are going to win the Super Bowl

I don't know if I am just still feeling the high of a Liev Schreiber narrated slow-mo. But I think the Browns are going to win the Super Bowl.

The Browns season of Hard Knocks was better than the Rex Ryan Jets season

Listen, this is the best season of Hard Knocks. This was better than the Rex Ryan season.

I've never been more confident in the Khalil Mack trade than I am seeing Hue Jackson dislike it

I've never felt more confident in the Khalil Mack trade than I did when Hue Jackson saw the news and was like, oh, that's a lot. That's too many draft picks.

The Cleveland Browns are a false flag organization for the Pittsburgh Steelers

I have a long-standing theory that the Cleveland Browns are a false flag organization for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Like, their owner that they have, Jimmy Haslam, is a former Steelers owner. I think that they were just kind of brought back into the league to inflate the Steelers' record artificially.

Jeans are the weirdest thing a football coach can wear

I actually think jeans are the weirdest thing a football coach can wear because football coaches, they either are in sweatpants or full suit. There is no in-between. It's actually the way to tell the difference between normal human beings and football coaches is if you see someone wearing jeans, you're like, that's a civilian.

Tom Brady shipped Jimmy Garoppolo to San Francisco because he was a Republican

I think he shipped Jimmy Garoppolo out to San Francisco because Jimmy G was a Republican. And he didn't like having a Republican as his teammate. So he's like, I'm going to send you out to hang out with all the libs out in San Francisco.

The Khalil Mack trade marks the beginning of a Bears dynasty

The Bears are back... The best trade that's ever been traded. I'm thinking like maybe even when the Cowboys did that trade with the Vikings, this is going to be the start of a dynasty.

Jon Gruden trades away good players because he doesn't want the hassle of coaching them

If it were up to Jon Gruden, he would still have Jeff Garcia as his quarterback right now. So he sees a first-rounder and he's like, you know what? I'd rather not go through the hassle of having to deal with good players.

The 2018 Bears defense will be a top-five unit if they stay healthy

From the Bears' perspective, to get serious for a minute, it actually is a super exciting trade because the defense is now... I would say top five defense, if everyone stays healthy, they have two studs.

The Bears will win 11 games in the 2018 season

How many wins do you think the Bears actually have in them this year? ... I'm going to say they're now in like the eight, nine category. I think they're going to get 11.

Mitchell Trubisky's rookie season should not be used to judge his potential due to poor coaching

I can't stress enough how detrimental John Fox and no wide receivers are to a rookie's development. ... So I don't really think you can judge what Mitchell Trubisky was last year as anything real, because it was basically like he wasn't playing football.

The 2012 49ers offensive line was the best in NFL history

I'm sitting in the huddle looking around at everybody like, dude, we're about to have a fucking parade. ... because we had like the best offensive line in history. ... Of the 2012 year. Our offensive line was rolling that year.

Tua Tagovailoa will be the best pro quarterback Nick Saban ever produces

Tua is insanely fun to watch, like probably the best pro quarterback that Nick Saban will ever have.

Stephon Diggs is going to be very good this year

Stephon Diggs is going to be good. You can't go wrong. Demarius [Thomas] is going to split him with Thielen, so go with [Diggs].

Case Keenum will throw a ton of touchdowns to Demaryius Thomas this season

I would take Demaryius. Yeah, take Demaryius. In case Keenum's going to throw him a shitload of touchdown passes.

Aaron Rodgers has not won a Super Bowl because of the eight-year statute of limitations

Aaron Rodgers hasn't won a Super Bowl. He won it too early in his career for it to count for people to remember. I actually agree with that take. I think that there's like an eight-year statute of limitations where I get to forget about your Super Bowl.

Matthew Stafford stinks as a quarterback, but he is going to be a Hall of Famer

I've stopped my Matthew Stafford slander. He's going to go in the Hall of Fame. You ready for that? Look at his stats. The pendulum has swung the other way. It sucks that I'm admitting it. Matthew Stafford, if you look at his statistics and if he keeps playing for as long as he's going to be, he's going to be a Hall of Famer. He stinks as a quarterback, but he's going to be in the Hall of Fame.

Chris Carson is going to be a top-five running back in the NFL this year

Chris Carson's going to be a top five running back in the NFL this year. You're welcome.

The Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blake Bortles

He also said that the Jacksonville Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blake Bortles. Facts only. He [Jalen Ramsey] knows what he's talking about.

Todd Haley and Gregg Williams are the meanest sons of bitches in the world

My biggest takeaway from Hard Knocks is that Todd Haley and Greg Williams combined are the meanest sons of bitches in the world.

Hugh Jackson has a future as a Lorne Michaels of comedy football

I actually think Hugh Jackson has a future as a Lorne Michaels. He's just been putting together the perfect comedy troupe of a football team for the last three years.

You don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers big contracts

When [Odell Beckham Jr.] is healthy, [he] is you can make the argument the best wide receiver in the NFL... but you don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers that much. It just doesn't happen.