PMT DB
PMT DB
Rob Riggle on SNL, the Kansas City Chiefs, and Mt. Rushmore of Months
Big Cat and PFT Commenter stayed up late to watch the latest episode of Hard Knocks, and the Cleveland Browns continue to be the gift that keeps on giving. While the rest of the world sees a dysfunctional franchise, the guys see a high-level comedy troupe being managed by a man who might be the next great entertainment mogul.
PFT CommenterHue Jackson has a future as the Lorne Michaels of comedy football
I actually think [Hue] Jackson has a future as a Lorne Michaels. He's just been putting together the perfect comedy troupe of a football team for the last three years.
Between Hue Jackson calling Josh Gordon random animal names and Bob Wiley’s stomach moving in slow motion, the real stars of the show are the coordinators. Todd Haley and Gregg Williams are essentially a two-man wrecking crew of insults and injury shaming.
Big CatTodd Haley and Gregg Williams are the meanest sons of bitches in the world
My biggest takeaway from Hard Knocks is that Todd Haley and Greg Williams combined are the meanest sons of bitches in the world.
They also spent some time discussing the roster status of Devon Cajuste. While most players rely on film study and lifting, Cajuste is out there harnessing the power of the moon and rubbing "jerk-off crystals" together to secure a spot on the 53-man roster. Big Cat is officially a believer in the junk science.
Big CatDevon Cajuste's belief in the power of crystals and the full moon will be what gets him a spot on the Browns roster
I actually do kind of believe in the crystals, like the harnessing of the crystal power is probably what's going to get [Cajuste] on the team. Either that or the full moon. Once a month, he will give you a hell of a game.
Hot Seat/Cool Throne and Odell’s Bag
The guys reacted to Odell Beckham Jr. becoming the highest-paid wide receiver in football. While it’s a massive amount of guaranteed money for a guy coming off an injury, the Giants didn't have much of a choice. Still, history suggests that overpaying for a wideout doesn't usually lead to a parade in February.
Big CatYou don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers big contracts
When [Odell Beckham Jr.] is healthy, [he] is you can make the argument the best wide receiver in the NFL... but you don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers that much. It just doesn't happen.
On Hot Seat, Big Cat put Ben Roethlisberger’s future physique on notice. With Big Ben opening a new restaurant near Heinz Field, the writing is on the wall for his retirement years.
Big CatBen Roethlisberger will gain 150 pounds as soon as he retires from the NFL
[Ben Roethlisberger] is going to gain like 150 pounds when he retires. He's going to be so fat. He's going to be like Ron Dayne.
Meanwhile, PFT has high hopes for the future of U.S. Soccer thanks to Cristiano Ronaldo’s reproductive habits. If Ronaldo keeps having kids on American soil, the talent gap will close in a hurry.
PFT CommenterThe US will win the World Cup in 25 years because Cristiano Ronaldo's son is an American citizen
Cristiano Ronaldo's son is now playing for Juventus under nine. And he was born in San Diego, so he's an American citizen. He's like the Johnny Appleseed for the future of U.S. soccer. We just need Cristiano Ronaldo to impregnate just as many women as possible... in America.
Rob Riggle Joins the Show
Comedian and actor Rob Riggle joined the show to discuss his new project, *Ski Master Academy*, and his legendary path through show business. Riggle reflected on the absolute grind of being a Marine while simultaneously auditioning for *Saturday Night Live* and *The Daily Show*. He shared a story about thinking he blew his *Daily Show* audition and telling his wife he’d just go back to war to pay the bills.
Rob RiggleThere is no finish line in show business where you can stop grinding; you have to work every day
There's no finish line in show business. There's no place you ever get to where you're like, 'I don't have to do shit. They're going to bring it to me now.' Unless you are one of 10 A-listers. The rest of us got to work and the rest of us got to grind.
As a die-hard Kansas City Chiefs fan, Riggle is fully bought into the Patrick Mahomes era. He’s seen the howitzer arm in person and isn't worried about the lack of experience.
Rob RigglePatrick Mahomes will be a good quarterback
Yes [Mahomes will be a good QB]... because I'm a Chiefs fan... He's got a howitzer hanging off his shoulder. Now, therefore, with the right coaching and the right opportunity... I feel very confident.
Big Cat, however, is not quite as convinced and is ready to plant his flag on the other side of history regarding the young QB.
Big CatI bet Patrick Mahomes will not be a good quarterback
I am going to be on the, I don't think Patrick Mahomes is going to be a good quarterback side of history. So I'm going to stamp my, I'm going to put my flag in.
Mount Rushmore of Months
Mount Rushmore season is winding down, and the guys tackled the 12 months of the year. Big Cat took the chalk pick with October, citing the rare window where all four major sports are playing at once.
Big CatOctober is the best month of the year
October... it is the best month of the year. You have the fall, you have football being awesome, you have playoff baseball, you have NBA and NHL, it is the only month where all four sports are playing.
He also made sure to secure November, largely because it hosts the undisputed king of holidays.
Big CatThanksgiving is the best holiday
November because football and Thanksgiving... rivalry week is in November, and Thanksgiving is the best holiday.
Things got a bit darker during the segments. PFT presented a Stay Woke theory that Australia is actually a fictional penal colony and everyone we think is Australian is actually a crisis actor living in South America. To wrap things up, the guys addressed a Guys on Chicks question about a boyfriend who only uses two squares of toilet paper per wipe.
Big CatA man is delusional if he thinks he can wipe after pooping with only two squares of toilet paper
[A guy] is delusional if he thinks that two squares [of toilet paper] gets the job [done]. He's walking around with a dirty butt, or he's just a psycho.
If you aren't using at least a small wad, you're just living life on the edge for no reason.
