Takes

I will get an NFL 100 logo tattoo if the Browns and Lions meet in the Super Bowl

If it's Browns-Lions in the Super Bowl, I'll get the tattoo for sure. Yes.

I will get an NFL 100 logo tattoo if Blake Bortles wins Super Bowl MVP

If Blake Bortles wins Super Bowl MVP, I will also do that [get the tattoo].

Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child because they look identical

We've been saying that it's a good possibility that Daniel Jones is Archie Manning's illegitimate child. And that picture that came out yesterday certainly I think lended a lot of credence. I think you could just put those side by side, most people in America would be like, yeah, that guy is somehow related.

Adam Gase is already 'done' with the Jets after his bizarre first press conference.

He had maybe the weirdest, like, I don't even know what it was. His eyes were just darting everywhere. He looked like he was being held hostage. And I don't want to be a complete reactionary... but he's done. He cannot survive in the big city.

Antonio Brown will not be traded and will stay with the Steelers

I'm so excited for Antonio Brown to have to stay with the Steelers next year, and it's going to be such a circus... He's staying with the Steelers. I'm guaranteeing it.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the funniest long con in professional sports history

The Jacksonville Jaguars might be the funniest thing to ever occur in professional sports. This has been a long con. We've all been owned... It's like a Wes Anderson movie. It's like you don't really appreciate a Wes Anderson movie. That's what the Jaguars are saying to everyone. You don't look at it the right way.

Roger Goodell is embracing the heel role and is an ultimate villain

I really do think Roger Goodell has passed a certain point where he is starting to embrace the heel. [Big Cat: He wiped a booger on a handicapped child] that's super villain stuff that is the ultimate villain not because he embraced not because he was like oh i'm the super villain... he's just evil.

If you are going on a boat party before a playoff game, you better win that game

This is a classic if you're going to go on a boat party. It's the old Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson and Cabo rule. If you're going to go hang out before a playoff game, you better win that fucking playoff game.

Kirk Cousins will get a long-term contract because he looks the part of a quarterback

Do you know what Kirk has going for him? He looks the part. That's really what it is... That's why Matt Barkley is still in the league. That's why Jimmy Clausen is—throw them in a pair of shorts... they look good.

Michigan State quarterbacks are guaranteed to receive huge contracts

Well, he's a Michigan State quarterback. I feel like you have to give a Michigan State quarterback a huge guaranteed contract. That's how it works.

Michael Floyd shouldn't be charged for his DUI because he was asleep

It's a bad visual, but I guess it's better that he was asleep behind the wheel than if he was fully conscious and was thinking to himself, I'm driving drunk the entire time he was doing it... He was asleep, so he couldn't have been thinking, I shouldn't be doing this. So technically, it's not really a crime. Also... Is sleepwalking a crime if you do something bad in a sleepwalk? No, you can't be charged. So he should get off for this one.