Takes

The best PR move for any scandal is to check into 'treatment' without explanation

Check into treatment... Don't give us an explanation. Just like disappear for 20 days and then you come back and you're like, I'm healed... When you just say it's a real problem that needs treatment, people now all of a sudden can't make jokes about it.

The Barstool Sports app is the worst app ever created

Barstool's app truly is the worst app that's ever been created... I think they made the Barstool app just to crash. Can we just make an app that just crashes all the time? And if you're looking at it from that perspective, it's the greatest app that's ever been created.

Magic Johnson's tweets are 'electric' because he only states the blindingly obvious

I love Magic Johnson... He is Siri in Twitter form. He states the obvious over and over, and it's electric every time. Today he tweeted, the San Antonio Spurs proved to the NBA and themselves that they can beat the Golden State Warriors with their 87-79 win last night. I mean, the [Spurs] proved that they could beat the Golden State Warriors by beating the Golden State Warriors. That's pretty deep.

Darren Rovell is the 'well-actually guy' of the NCAA tournament

Darren Rovell, who makes a case in point to tell everybody in America that he does not fill out a bracket, because guess what? Eight years ago, for the first time, he decided not to do a bracket, and it's so much more fun watching the tournament without it. So he is the well-actually guy of the NCAA tournament.

Journalists should only get the media buffet if they ask good questions

You basically just treat all the journalists like they're five-year-olds when your mom said, if you don't eat your broccoli, you don't get ice cream. It's like, listen, guys, if you don't ask good questions in this presser, no buffet for you.

Adam LaRoche's son will be the greatest hot take writer ever because he grew up in locker rooms

Adam LaRoche's kid... he is going to be the best hot take writer of all time. Could you imagine him fighting with like sabermetric nerds? Adam LaRoche's kid, his entire existence is towel whips, like, you know, pranks, guys, you know, calling each other [names]. His entire life is a locker room. I can't wait till he grows up and starts like just throwing his ideas of his worldviews around.

Pardon My Take is more professional than Scott Van Pelt's show

[PMT is more professional]... A lot. I always did that [SVP's] show on my cell phone.

Someone will eventually make a career out of just rewording Adam Schefter tweets

Some people are going to be really successful. There are going to be some people that make a career off of doing that [rewording other people's tweets] the best, and they'll eventually work their way to the top if they fake it long enough. The person who's going to be the best at marketing themselves doing that is going to be like a legitimate news source in 15 years.

Adam Schefter is on the comeback trail after getting 'killed' by Ian Rapoport

I would not be surprised to see Schefter on the comeback trail. You see a little life coming out of him when he's yelling at Hannah Storm. You see a little life when he's getting pissed off about getting [fake reported]. ... Don't count him out just yet.

Adam Schefter is a 'strong buy' because he still has the fire to make a comeback

I like that fire, though. You got to have that fire to make a comeback. So Adam Schefter is a strong buy for me.

Pardon My Take will not change its name despite ESPN's cease and desist

We've changed the logo. ... We are not changing the name. We will fight to the death to not change this name. So ESPN, come at us. We're not fucking budging on that.

ESPN definitely picked the wrong people to mess with because we have nothing to lose

I think they definitely picked the wrong people to fuck with on this one. Like we got nothing to lose.

ESPN should be thanking us for elevating the brands of 'Pardon the Interruption' and 'First Take'

I would say that they should be on their hands and knees thanking us that we're doing more to elevate the Pardon the Interruption and First Take brand, because now they're affiliated with our brand.

The more lawsuits ESPN files against us, the stronger we get

I want to have them file lawsuits at me nonstop because the more they file, the stronger I get... the more lawsuits we have filed against us, the better we get.

We should file a cease and desist against ESPN to stop them from sending us cease and desist letters

I think we can file a motion against their motion... We should file a cease and desist to them to stop sending a cease and desist letters.

The internet will side with us over ESPN in this legal battle

If I know anything about the Internet, the Internet's going to have our back. Nobody's going to side with ESPN on this. They're going to look real bad.

We will take down ESPN by replaying recordings of 'Pardon the Interruption' on our podcast feed

Maybe we just do a show and we just replay an entire Pardon the Interruption show. Like that's the whole podcast... This is how we're going to take down ESPN.

Radio talk show listeners who also use Twitter are the dumbest people in America.

I think that radio talk show listeners who also use Twitter are the dumbest people in America.

Mike Ditka is the only person in sports media who can say anything without backlash because people just accept it as 'just Ditka.'

[Mike Ditka] is the last guy who I think in all of media can basically say whatever he wants, and people will be like, oh, yeah, that's just Ditka. He is the last guy who personifies 'sorry not sorry'.

Pardon My Take will be the best place for sports arguments until we develop drug problems and tap out

This is gonna be the best place to get all your sports arguments and debates for the next several years until we both develop severe drug problems and tap out, have to have to take a couple years off. And then we'll have a reunion and they'll do like a behind the music on us.

Comment sections deliver the most pure and unfiltered takes on the internet

That's why comment sections usually deliver the most unfiltered Correct takes. It's because like you're in a race to get your takeout before somebody beats you on it. So like, you can't be bothered to make sure that it's a hundred percent factually correct... this is just like brain to internet. Like there's no filter.

Kornheiser and Wilbon use the 5th minute of PTI as a crutch; we are better journalists than they are

I think what we're planning on doing what, four good minutes, not five good minutes. Kornheiser and Wilbon maybe use that extra minute as a crutch. It is a crutch. Yeah. No, we're much better interviewers and journalists than they are.

Pardon My Take will change the entire world of podcasting

It's gonna change the entire world of podcasting. No, I mean I'm not, I'm not raising my voice. What I'm saying I'm not quivering. Like that's just the cold hard truth.

Putting the Bill Simmons podcast on notice

I'm putting the Bill Simmons podcast on notice this week, baby. I'm coming for you, Bill. There's nothing you can do to stop me. It's a revolution.