Takes

It is disgusting that the United States has never medaled in the Winter Biathlon

The Winter Biathlon is a race that combines cross country skiing and rifle shooting... We have never medaled in this sport. It's disgusting. It is absolutely disgusting that the United States [has never medaled]. We should dominate that sport.

Race walking is the most metal sport in the Olympics

I think I've actually changed my tune on race walking... because it is the funniest looking sport by far, but it's insane. The dude that is the best in the world at it... he was just shitting himself during the race... his body just gave up. It's actually the most metal sport.

Gable Steveson is the next Kurt Angle

Gable Stevenson, who's a Barstool athlete... that was incredible. The backflip, fucking legend. He's the next Kurt Angle, I think.

I could medal in curling because I like cleaning

My first pick is going to be curling. I think if you just gave me four years, I could figure it out every single day. I like shuffleboard, I like ice, I like being slightly overweight... and broom guy, the broom guy seems like it's like—I love cleaning.

Jay Cutler is 'insane' to think he could win a handball gold medal in three months

He is insane. He cannot win an Olympic medal training two or three months. You have the potential to be amazing athletes and compete at a high level, but when you want to cook that food, you need the technique... It takes time to be able to be a professional and very good handball player. In the short term, it's impossible. In the long term, it takes years.

Michael Phelps is definitely coming out of retirement for the Tokyo Olympics

Does anyone actually think that Michael Phelps isn't racing in Tokyo? The guy can't go a year without having to get into a race with a great white shark, and this is the guy who's retired? He's definitely going to race in Tokyo.

Olympic swimming is a fringe sport that doesn't deserve the level of excitement it receives from announcers

Anyone who gets that excited for a fringe sport like swimming – You're okay in my book. Like, you either have to go all in and just crazy, crazy, crazy, like Rowdy Gaines, or... [announcers] Basically orgasming for an entire night while he watches the same exact swimming races with just varying distances.

Water polo and men's field hockey are the two worst sports in the world

little bone to pick water polo and field hockey men's field hockey those are the two worst sports in the world um why well water polo you talk about drowning they literally just i mean they're treading water and they're trying not to drown the entire time

The 2016 Olympics Russians got away with systematic doping

The Russians got away scot-free. So the IOC said, OK, we know your whole country had systematic doping for the last 20 years, so we're just going to ban the track and field team... they banned the track and field team, but anybody else from Russia is allowed to compete. So there you go.