Takes

Paul Rabil retiring was the best thing to happen to professional lacrosse

Is it a coincidence that the PLL had their best year ever after Paul Rabil retired? Was Paul Rabil bad for professional lacrosse? Some are saying.

The 'Finger of the Year' award should be permanently named after Urban Meyer

The winner of finger of the year... it's Urban Meyer's finger at the bar. Of course it is. I knuckle deep in a butthole... I feel like this one's gonna stick around. And it might be named after Urban Meyer going forward. I think that's how impressive his performance was this year.

The LIV Tour paid Cameron Smith too much money

I think that they paid [Cameron Smith] too much. Yeah.

The LIV Tour paid Cameron Smith too little money

I think they paid [Cameron Smith] too little.

Anna Lynn McCord's open letter to Vladimir Putin is the ultimate form of narcissism

It's not only the ratio of the year, but it's might be narcissism of the year to be like, 'if I was your mother, I would've stopped all war.' It's also fucked up like towards Putin's actual mom. How do you know she wasn't a nice lady?

Brian Colangelo would have kept his job if he had simply leaned into the 'big collar' narrative

If [Brian Colangelo] had just leaned into the collar narrative a little more, I think he would have gotten away with it. Been like, hey, like worn just like a Pee Wee Herman sized collar at his press conference where he gets fired.

Telling a woman you are a 'virgin by choice' is a top-tier dating strategy for men over 30

At some point in life, doesn't that become almost like a really good line to use, though? I think after you turn 30 and you say, like, 'I'm a virgin by choice.' I feel like there's an element that, like, the girl is like, 'I want to be the one. I want to be the one that, like, makes him switch over.'

Darren Rovell being 39 proves that if you're a narc in life, everyone assumes you're 15 years older than you actually are

The story was Darren Rovell is actually 39. He's Benjamin Button. Which is fucking crazy. It just proves that if you're a narc in life, everyone will just assume you're 15 years older than you are.

Wikipedia should win every Pulitzer Prize because it contains every book

And the award goes to Wikipedia. How about that? The book edition. Wikipedia is basically every book. So how does Wikipedia not win every single Pulitzer Prize? I don't get it.

Death is the 'dirtiest player of the year' and an old school goon you want on your team

Dirtiest player of the year. That one we're going to give to death. And it's not really that close of a race either. I mean, death is the kind of player that you hate to see on the other side, but you really like it when a guy like that's on your team. You want death to put on the same uniform that you have on. Death, you know, he's just an old school goon.