Takes

Bill Laimbeer would absolutely beat up Kevin Garnett

You think Bill Laimbeer would beat up Kevin Garnett? Yes, absolutely. ... Kevin Garnett, though, isn't really human. So I don't know if he counts in this because he's an alien that was put on Earth to fire people up.

The Cowboys do not have an intimidating fan base.

I've been to a few Cowboys games. That's not a very intimidating fan base.

A J.J. Watt jersey is the least intimidating jersey an NFL fan can wear.

The least intimidating jersey has to be a J.J. Watt jersey.

Tonic water is straight garbage

The number one worst non-alcoholic drink. It's tonic water. Tonic water is straight garbage. If I see anybody drinking that in my presence, it makes me want to hurl.

Every lunch order is just a different variation of a sandwich

Panini, sandwich, wrap, sub. Those are my power rankings for lunch. Because if you haven't realized by now that you just eat any kind of form of sandwich for lunch every day, you're an idiot.

IPAs create man boobs

Fun fact, IPAs create man boobs, and that's why I'm going to get breast cancer someday.

Real Big Fish's 'Sell Out' is the ultimate summer song

Number one. This is a song that we were singing the other day... Real Big Fish 'Sell Out' play. Love it... Anytime you have a track that's just a guy going [ska sounds], you're going to have a hit. That's a summer song.

Harrison Ford's earring is the most 'try hard' accessory in life

Number two is Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford is a try hard earring. His earring is the most try hard, it's the worst. And, and he, he seems like such a dick too. And like you can't, I can't believe that he has gone this far in life without having somebody say, dude, rip that shit out.