Takes

NBA General Managers are dumb enough to be incepted into doing really weird things

NBA general managers we know from recent experience are dumb enough to be incepted into doing really weird things.

DeAndre Ayton signing with Puma is a major red flag

DeAndre Ayton, who signed with Puma. Red flag. So that's a red flag for you.

Wendell Carter Jr. is better than Marvin Bagley

We actually have Wendell Carter Jr. coming on Friday. I think he is better than Bagley.

Russia is a wagon in the 2018 World Cup

Russia is a wagon. Russia is really, really good when they're playing against the world's 70th ranked teams. They don't play down to their opponents.

Being married for only two months shouldn't count as a divorce

That doesn't count as a divorce, by the way. Two months? Yeah. That's an annulment. You're married for two months. That's just like, okay, all parties admit a mistake.

Shaving your beard during a hitting slump means you're hiding something

Bruce [Bryce] Harper shaved his beard because he's in such a bad slump that he thought, hey, I'm just going to change up my look... Anytime someone's like, hey, I'm going to get a haircut, shaving your beard, you're hiding something.

Joining MMA classes is a major sign of a midlife crisis

I would say MMA classes are high up there for midlife crisis. And it would happen to me. I was like, you know what? I used to do this a little bit when I was younger... I signed up. I went to the class.

Getting a girlfriend half your age is a telltale sign of a midlife crisis

You got to get the young girlfriend that's like half your age and everyone looks at you like, what the fuck is going on there? Usually happens after a divorce, but that's a telltale sign for a midlife crisis.

Hanging out exclusively with dudes half your age is a sign of a midlife crisis

The last one is you start hanging out with younger dudes so you start hanging out with dudes that are half your age. You look around and no one who you went to college with is around you or any of your friends from your past.

Colangelo's burner accounts are the weirdest NBA storyline of the season

I still got to go with a general manager in the NBA getting fired for someone in his family, possibly him, burner tweeting his own players. Collar gate.

J.R. Smith throwing soup at Damon Jones is a weirder storyline than him forgetting the score in the Finals

J.R. Smith for getting the score in the finals is less crazy than J.R. Smith throwing a bowl of soup at an assistant coach in anger. [Big Cat: J.R. Smith throwing a bowl of soup at Damon Jones... that's my number one.]

Lonzo Ball's diss track on Kyle Kuzma was actually ruthless and pretty good

The diss track that Lonzo just dropped on Kyle Kuzma was actually ruthless and pretty good. [Rachel Nichols: You never knew who your dad was? Yeah. That was pretty good.]

Markelle Fultz forgetting how to shoot a basketball is one of the craziest stories in NBA history

Markelle Fultz just forgetting how to shoot a basketball... I feel like now because he seems like he's going to be okay, we've kind of lost how crazy that was. He doesn't play for the majority of the season because he just forgot how to shoot.

The Kawhi Leonard and Spurs 'injury management' saga is one of the weirdest stories of the season

Kawhi Leonard is the next weirdest storyline. He spent large chunks of time away from the team... Tony Parker comes out and says, I had the same injury, but a million times worse... Spurs were not putting him on the injury report as being hurt. They said, return from injury management.

Barry Trotz is not a great coach and got lucky winning the Stanley Cup

I don't think that Barry Trotz is a great coach. I think he got lightning in a bottle. He got lightning in seven.

The 'Elam Ending' is proof that the NBA 'nerds' have gone too far

I don't understand. This is when the nerds have gone too far, that they're coming up with these ideas. [PFT: It's a very smart move by Daryl Morey to change the entire rules of the game just to favor your team.]

Phil Mickelson disgraced the game of golf by hitting a moving ball at the U.S. Open

He basically disgraced the game of golf. I actually saw Golf Channel wrote an article saying not only did Phil Mickelson manipulate the rules of golf, he broke the spirit of the game. True. He broke it. There's no more spirit left.

I love the USGA for making courses so hard that millionaire athletes complain

I hope they [USGA] make every single course from now until the end of time the hardest course in the world, just so we can hear millionaire athletes say, this game has gotten too hard for us.

Tiger Woods basically finished second in the U.S. Open if you don't count the first and second holes

If you had taken out the first and second hole, Tiger [Woods] would have finished second in the U.S. Open. So he's kind of back.

Drake's Degrassi reunion video was a calculated response to Pusha T's diss track

Drake decided that his response for the diss track basically coming at his entire livelihood... was to just do a video from his childhood acting days. Big Degrassi reunion.

The Herschel Walker trade is the worst in NFL history

I'll go with the worst trade in NFL history, Herschel Walker to the Vikings that basically started the entire dynasty for the Cowboys in the 90s... and then the Cowboys won three Super Bowls.

LeBron James has the prototypical NBA body, not a super jacked one

LeBron's a big, strong guy, but he's not like... I feel like people think he's just jacked from head to toe, and I feel like he's got big shoulders. He's got the prototypical NBA body, like a smaller chest, skinny waist, and big arms.

A Lakers superteam with LeBron, Kawhi, and Paul George won't easily beat the Warriors

Maybe I'll take the team that just won three out of four championships [Warriors] and plays as a team instead of just mish-moshing a bunch of guys together and hoping that it works.

The Todd Haley and Ben Roethlisberger relationship was never going to work out

I don't think the Todd Haley, Ben Roethlisberger situation is going to work out... Todd Haley is so detestable he makes Ben Roethlisberger a sympathetic figure. That's incredible. That is quite a skill.

The course at Shinnecock Hills is a 'wagon' because it's dominating every golfer in the field

I'm telling you what, this course is a wagon. Every single golfer got shit pumped today except for, what, Dustin Johnson? ... The course is awesome. The fescue is kicking people's ass.

I'm rooting for the course to beat the players at the U.S. Open

I actually love the course so much, I found myself chanting today in my head, go course, go. Go course, go. Because, like, the course – I mean, Bryson DeChambeau said it was clown golf. That's when you know a course has you, like, beat.

Shinnecock Hills is a very functional course, but it looks like shit

I love the course. Say what you want to say. Permission to speak freely. Yes. It looks like shit. It's not a good-looking course. But that's fine. It does its job. It's a very functional course.

Liverpool is the Baltimore of England

Liverpool was a dark place, burning itself down. A bit like Baltimore. It's the Baltimore of England. ... And when I grew up, it was burning itself down under Margaret Thatcher.

Mo Salah is not elite yet because he needs to perform at a high level for more than one year

[Mo Salah] is a remarkable human being... But you look at your American sports. You look at gentlemen who have an explosive year... Brady Anderson... you've got to bring it for more than one year to pass the Brady Andersonometer.

Messi is the greatest footballer ever, better than Cristiano Ronaldo

I am always Team Messi. Always. Messi is the greatest footballer I have ever seen in my life for so many different reasons.

France and Belgium are fantasy football teams with too much talent and questionable coaching

[Belgium and France] are remarkable talent-wise. You look at that roster, it's like a murderer's row. ... what neither of them have is a true idea of how they want to play football. It's a Premier League kind of Pro Bowl team.

Big Cat is one of the worst owners in sports for what happened to Swansea City

I do believe Big Cat is one of the worst owners in sport. ... Swansea is an incredible community club that has just brought joy to the lives of thousands of Welsh humans over generations. And then in strolls, Big Cat... it's a tragedy what's happened to Swansea Football Club.

Stephen A. Smith's claim of being a 'bottom feeder' is problematic for not respecting the whole woman

Stephen A. Smith, problematic is the fact that you don't respect women because you should be boobs, butt, and brain. Three Bs. That's the original Big Baller brand. Why are you putting, a woman's body should be put on a pedestal?

MLB is stupid for deleting the Terry Collins viral 'Ass in the Jackpot' video

They finally had a video where people were like, this is awesome. This is fun. ... You should actually start doing that and show just umps and managers yelling at each other about asses in the jackpot. They did the exact opposite because they're MLB. They pulled it.

Limit yourself to two fantasy football leagues; anything more and it's not fun anymore

Limit yourself to two fantasy football teams. So that's the perfect amount. Studies have shown that's the perfect amount of fantasy football leagues to be in anymore and it's not fun anymore.

Learn how to dunk before you turn 30, because you won't be able to after

Learn how to dunk. Like, you're not going to be able to dunk when you're over 30. Because, I mean, if I had tried to dunk, I never tried to dunk under 30. So I don't even know if I could have dunked. I probably could have. Now it's too late.

The XFL should brand itself as the league for quarterbacks with small hands

The XFL should brand itself as the football league for all the guys who have too small hands... XFL Super Bowl champion Alex Smith. XFL Super Bowl champion Jameis Winston.

The Warriors' owner took a direct shot at Kevin Durant by saying Steph Curry 'earned' his deal

[The Warriors owner] said Steph Curry, though, has earned the right to get whatever deal he wants because he's been there since when they were bad and saying that Steph Curry earned it, which is a direct shot at Kevin Durant.

Jimbo Fisher is a massive upgrade for Texas A&M

[Jimbo Fisher] is a big deal for us. It had been in the works for what seemed like a year and a half... I think we were ready for a little bit of a change and a guy who doesn't happen a lot where you get a coach that leaves from a national championship contending team and goes to a team that wants that.

There is a 'Cavaliers Curse' affecting teams named the Cavaliers

We talk a lot about curses on this show. I think it's fair to ask, given the showing in recent basketball tournaments by teams named [Cavaliers], is there a Cavs curse? [UVA and Cleveland].

The Warriors can play only 15 minutes of real basketball and beat anyone in the world

The Warriors can play 15 minutes of Warriors basketball and beat anyone in the world, and they just needed to be pushed a little. And even if you saw their body language going to that game six and seven in Western Conference rounds, they didn't care. They're like, yeah, we're going to still win.

People who think Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James have a real basketball mind

people that love Jordan, it makes it obvious that you're just into the memes and that sort of thing. And those are the people that side with LeBron. That's how I know who actually has a basketball mind. Oh, you're going to do that? Like LeBron. Yeah, if you think Jordan's better, that's cool. Listen, you're going to like Jordan. It just tells me where you're at intellectually on a basketball level.

The Cavaliers would have beaten the Warriors if they had Draymond Green

I actually would say that if LeBron could even take Draymond Green from the Warriors, the Cavs would win. ... I think what [Draymond] does for the Warriors, and if you had a guy like that on the Cavs, I think they would have had enough to beat the Warriors.

The Imagine Dragons performance placed a curse on the Vegas Golden Knights

I told you there was a curse, man [the Imagine Dragons curse]. They need to exercise those demons, and I think the only way they can do that is by writing a song with us.

No one in sports has it better than Steph Curry right now

It's actually a perfect, no one has it better in sports than Steph Curry right now. [He invites superstars to his team], Philly will love Joel Embiid more than they will love LeBron. And LeBron will take all the heat if things go south.

Julian Edelman is likely innocent of PED use because his Call of Duty stats were consistent

I've played Call of Duty with Julian Edelman multiple times... and I never noticed any performance that was out of the ordinary. Usually his kills to death ratio was pretty consistent throughout. No big spikes. So from where I'm sitting, probably didn't do it.

Julian Edelman's positive PED test was a false positive

I say all signs point towards a false positive at this point. If he had been on PEDs, his quick twitch thumbs probably would have gotten a little bit faster and you would see more focus [in Call of Duty].

The Pardon My Take interview with Theo Epstein in early 2017 caused the Cubs to fail in their title defense

If we had a general manager... like Theo Epstein, and we talked to him, do you think that there would be a little bit of dissent in the Cubs clubhouse... and maybe they play a little less hard that year and maybe not win the World Series again?

Kobe Bryant is not the GOAT and he thinks he's too smart

I'm a big Lakers fan, but I don't think Kobe's the GOAT. Kobe bugs the shit out of him. He thinks he's so smart. That's what really bugs me, is he thinks he's really smart.

Clayton Kershaw is not finished as an elite pitcher

Neither [done or finished]. Come on. I'm a Kershaw fan, even though I work for the D-backs... I never count that guy out. He works too hard.