Johnny Manziel

Andrew Luck is never actually going to throw an NFL football again

[Andrew Luck] is proving our theory of that arrow paradox, the Schrodinger's arrow. He's never going to actually throw a football. He's just getting incrementally closer and closer and closer to throwing NFL football.

LeBron James will not sign with the Houston Rockets because he hates the city

Houston is my hot seat because the word on the street from, directly from LeBron James' lips. During the season when they were in Houston, he hates Houston as a city... The strip malls? The congestion? When you pull up Google Maps and it's just a ring of red... I believe that he hates Houston. I'm taking them off. We're officially taking them off the Pardon My Take big board for LeBron.

LeBron James is signing with the Lakers now that Bronny has enrolled in an LA school

Gary Payton, recurring guest Gary Payton, is saying that LeBron, Bronnie Jr. has enrolled at a school, private school in L.A... My two favorite things about free agency... is school updates where the kids are going to go to school and then realtor updates. Who's looking for houses where?

The Ravens are using a two-QB package as a passive-aggressive way to bench Joe Flacco

The Ravens just blew our minds. They're working on a package that has two quarterbacks on the field at the same time... This is the passive-aggressive Ravens way of just like, kind of easing [Joe Flacco] out. Just like having the formation change slowly until Lamar Jackson is standing directly in front of him on every snap.

Jimbo Fisher is a massive upgrade for Texas A&M

[Jimbo Fisher] is a big deal for us. It had been in the works for what seemed like a year and a half... I think we were ready for a little bit of a change and a guy who doesn't happen a lot where you get a coach that leaves from a national championship contending team and goes to a team that wants that.

Drake is laying low following the Pusha T beef and will likely return with a response

[Drake] could use a friend right now. I wouldn't say he's dead. I would say he's probably laying low... I definitely feel in his defense that something was either made or another track was either made in the process and something is like—you've got to look at it as a business too. Is it even worth kind of replying back to Pusha T?

The Cleveland Browns will be an exciting team this season with Baker Mayfield

Cleveland might be one of the most exciting teams in football this year just because they've got so much going on and then they get Baker potentially... If they go 7-9 this year versus, but if they go 2-14, it's kind of as expected.

Kyrie Irving wants to leave Boston for the New York Knicks

There's a lot of rumblings coming out of Boston right now that Kyrie Irving might be thinking about going somewhere else after next season... Kyrie has always had his eyes on New York, and so he's always wanted to be a Nick.

A winning pitcher hugging a batter after a strikeout is a disgusting display of pity

This is disgusting. I would put one in that pitcher's ear hole next time he got up... That's a more disgusting move than pimping a home run. That's showing up your opponent more. Go up to him and be like, 'Hey, I'm going to give you a big hug because you can't handle this big loss.'

The US will win the 2018 World Cup

I'm going with the U.S... They could still come back. You never count the U.S. out until they're totally out.

Uruguay will win the 2018 World Cup

I'll take Uruguay. Luis Suarez. I actually put a little money on that, so we'll see how that goes.