Andrew Luck is never actually going to throw an NFL football again

Andrew Luck is proving our theory of that arrow paradox, the Schrodinger's arrow. He's never going to actually throw a football. He's just getting incrementally closer and closer and closer to throwing NFL football.

LeBron James will not sign with the Houston Rockets because he hates the city

Houston is my hot seat because the word on the street from, directly from LeBron James' lips. During the season when they were in Houston, he hates Houston as a city... The strip malls? The congestion? When you pull up Google Maps and it's just a ring of red... I believe that he hates Houston. I'm taking them off. We're officially taking them off the Pardon My Take big board for LeBron.

LeBron James is signing with the Lakers now that Bronny has enrolled in an LA school

Gary Payton, recurring guest Gary Payton, is saying that LeBron, Bronnie Jr. has enrolled at a school, private school in L.A... My two favorite things about free agency... is school updates where the kids are going to go to school and then realtor updates. Who's looking for houses where?

Garrett Bolles should catch a pass before he retires

I want to be able to bet on Garrett Bolles to have one reception in every game. Because I feel like Sean Payton is going to try to get him that touch. He definitely will because he doesn't want him to retire as the guy who never touched the ball.

The Eagles' offense might be better without A.J. Brown

I actually think that the offense might be better without A.J. Brown.

The Chargers should eliminate their kicking game and go for it every time

The Chargers should just not have a punter. They should not have a kicker. They shouldn't even have like a long snapper on the team. Use those positions on somebody else and you're just—burn the boats. You're just going for it all the time. Fuck it. Who cares? Right? Season's over. Might as well try to score some points.