Takes

The College Football Playoff trophy is terrible and should be replaced by the old glass ball

The glass ball needs to come back. Whatever that fucking lightsaber thing is, is terrible.

LaVar Ball is disrupting everything as a small business owner

I love every second of it. LaVar Ball pisses off. Because it's like he's disrupting everything. He's created his own shoe company. He's going to create his own league. Like everything he does is just a small business owner just saying fuck you to the big guys. And guess what? People want to watch.

Football is like the mafia because once you're in, you're in for life

This just proves our theory that football is like the mafia. Once you're in, you're in for life. And if you just kind of like stick around long enough, your name will pop back up.

The Illuminati is not real

Here's my take. I don't think the Illuminati is real. I've actually been doing a lot of thinking about this today. If the Illuminati was real, they would be so powerful that they would eventually sue somebody who came after [them]... If they were actually real, they would shut that shit down.

I wouldn't have the same impact in today's NFL

I don't think I have the same impact in today's NFL because, like I said, I needed 25 carries. I needed 30 carries... a lot of teams have gone to pass first and run the ball second, and they've kind of diminished the running back position to a degree. So certain teams I think I will still have tremendous success on, but certain teams I think I would be like James Harrison. Trade me. Get rid of me.

Ben Roethlisberger was the best quarterback I played with

I've got to say Ben Roethlisberger. No question about it... Ben had that 'it' that most players don't have. I mean, you can be a good player, but you just don't have that 'it' thing. He's had that 'it'.

Vontaze Burfict is a dirty but good football player

I think he is dirty, but he's a good player. That's the crazy part. He's a good football player, but he does have some antics that come with what he does... I think he's one of those players that he's a good player if he didn't come with all the things he comes with, I think he'd be an even better player and more respected.

James Harrison is persona non grata in Pittsburgh after joining the Patriots

He went to the enemy... yes, he is. He's a lot of people look at him as persona non grata. I think his former teammates will feel the same way.

Bears fans watch football to avoid being nagged, so we should call Matt Nagy 'Nagy' (with a soft A)

The debate is, how do we pronounce [Matt Nagy's] last name? It's technically Nagy, but we're going to go with Nagy... we watch football so that we don't get nagged. I mean, if you want to get nagged, there's women for that, right? ... Don't give me 'Nag-y'. Give me 'Nay-gy'.

Herm Edwards definitely doesn't know that the Arizona State 'Sun Devil' hand sign is actually the shocker

Herm Edwards... gave the Sun Devil slogan, which is also the shocker... There's no way that Herm knows that he's giving the shocker. Absolutely. Putting two in the pink, one in the stink.

Every NFL player wants to play in Las Vegas because it's cheap and there's no state income tax

Everybody want to play in Las Vegas because it's cheap out there, for one. And the taxes is nothing like California taxes... who wouldn't want to live out there?

I pee in the sink in the middle of the night because I know I won't miss

I will pee in the sink in the middle of the night because you know that you aren't going to miss. You know what I mean? You just run the water and just pee in the sink.

Men cheat because they think there is more out there, but they usually realize they love the person they are with

Sometimes as guys, we always think it's more out there in the world for us. And we always have that one person that we really, really care about. But we really don't believe it. But that's the one for us. And we think it's more out there. And we go out there and try to explore. But then we always find ourselves going back to the one that we really love.

Andy Reid is one of the best coaches in the NFL

I actually think Andy Reid's one of the best coaches in the NFL. But how long he's been coaching in the NFL, that this meltdown didn't even register on the Andy Reid meltdown scale.

Marcus Mariota is better than Jameis Winston

Marcus Mariota impressed me. That's the guy I believe in. That's the guy who I've, whenever someone says Jameis Winston versus Marcus Mariota, my answer is always Marcus Mariota.

The Jaguars defense is one of the best of the last decade

Actually, like, the Jaguars' defense is one of the best defenses I've seen in, like, the last 10 years. They are really, really good, and they've got a lot of young guys.

Sony Michel is the bell cow of the Georgia backfield

Either one of those senior running backs. I'm probably a little bit more to Sony just because I think he's got a little bit more extra. You know what I mean?

The National Championship between Alabama and Georgia will be the most physical of the playoff era

I don't know if you'll see a game of this magnitude be as physical as these two teams are going to make it. That's what they both pride themselves on.

Georgia is the best coaching job in America

For the last five or six years, I've said Georgia's the best job in America. And the person who convinced me of that is Nick Saban. He always thought that Georgia was the best job in America if you really got it rolling because there's so much talent in the state.

Baker Mayfield is the best quarterback in the draft

Baker Mayfield. I take Baker Mayfield over any of them. I was the same way with Deshaun Watson last year. ... That dude, he operates as quick as the good NFL quarterbacks when you watch the guys you watch on Sunday.

Bill Belichick was ready to move Tom Brady to keep Jimmy Garoppolo to avoid a late-career decline

I do totally think that Bill Belichick was ready to go to Jimmy Garoppolo this offseason. I absolutely do. That makes perfect sense because even if Tom Brady wins the Super Bowl, Belichick's one mark is that he always gets rid of guys before they start to decline.

Wild Card Weekend is the second best football weekend of the year

This is the second best football weekend of the year. I might even say first best because we do have the college football finals on Monday.

The Rams are not built for the playoffs

I think, they're not built for the playoffs... The Rams do not play postseason football. They play regular season football, lighting up the scoreboard. But as we know in the playoffs, you have to stop the run.

Success relaxes teams like a martini, leading to Super Bowl hangovers

Teddy Atlas always used to say success is like a martini. It relaxes you. And it's true. You think that you can go into the next season and be exactly the same as you were, and you're going to glide through those games, but everybody else has looked at you. Everybody else is playing their best against you.

The 2017 Saints are more dangerous because they finally have a legitimate running game

Now they've actually got a legitimate running game, and they've got backs that can hurt you... to me, that adds a dimension that they haven't had since the last time they went to the Super Bowl.

A smart linebacker is the defensive equivalent of a quarterback and more valuable than a safety

If you can get a linebacker, like a Ray Lewis type... that position is so key because they've got to communicate with the front and they've got to communicate with the secondary. It's the equivalent of the quarterback on defense... it's hard to get the same thing done with a safety of that caliber.

The sun is a keyboard cowboy and a bitch

So the sun's like basically a little bitch, like a keyboard cowboy. Or the sun is just... We show up to its grill, and we're like, hey, say something to my face. And the sun's like, no, we're good here.

The Bengals bringing back Marvin Lewis is a strategy to maintain relevancy through being a running joke.

The Bengals... Bringing Marvin Lewis back and continuing his contract and continuing him coaching, it's almost like a running joke they've created themselves that gives them relevancy where everyone can be like, Marvin Lewis jokes. So you at least have an identity that everyone can make fun of Marvin Lewis.

The worst thing you can do at an office job is have people set high expectations for you.

You don't want to be great at your job. You don't want to be really, really bad at your job. You just kind of want to just go with the speed of traffic... That is the worst thing that you can do to yourself is make people have high expectations. It's a low bar in Cincinnati. I love it.

LeBron James never wins NBA championships and doesn't follow through on plans.

If you look at LeBron's career, you see the patterns of a drunk person... He doesn't follow through on plans because he never wins NBA championships. Makes big plans and then just kind of backs out of them.

Jim Harbaugh is not on the hot seat despite criticism from Amani Toomer.

I am not putting [Harbaugh] on the hot seat, but Amani Toomer put him on the hot seat... Amani, you kind of lose everything here by thinking Paris Hilton's a supermodel. [Harbaugh] is not on the hot seat. You're on the hot seat, Amani Toomer, for your lackluster analysis.

The Jaguars' all-black uniforms are a 'grail' and make the team look fast and strong.

The Jaguars, they announced today, they're wearing all black. And so that's a fit... That's a grail. It just screams excellence. Yeah, and it's also just, it looks good on a football field. When TCU does it, it looks good. They look fast. They look, like, strong.

College football should abolish preseason rankings and not release any rankings until October.

The problem is it needs to be 8 team playoff, but they also need to get rid of preseason rankings because that's really where it comes down to... they should do no rankings until October. Let a couple teams figure it out. See who's good. See who's bad.

The College Football Playoff should be an eight-team system with five conference champions and three wildcards.

I try to get the easiest, simplest solution... And it's five conference champs and three wild cards. And everything would matter that much more because the conference championships would matter... and the three wild cards make those valuable.

The Browns should take Saquon Barkley with the number one pick and Baker Mayfield with the fourth pick.

If I'm the Browns, I am taking, with my number one pick, I'm taking Saquon Barkley, and with the fourth pick, I'm taking Baker Mayfield, putting those two in my backfield and saying, good luck, try to stop us.

Sam Darnold should enter the NFL draft immediately because he is not developing further at USC.

And Darnold, there's reports now he might go back to USC, which I don't think is a good idea. Because I think if he wants to develop, he doesn't need to go back to USC to develop because clearly he's not getting it there. Go to the NFL and start learning your craft and getting paid for it.

Baker Mayfield has the fewest red flags among the 2018 draft's top quarterbacks.

I'm telling you, Baker Mayfield has the least red flags of all of them from what I've seen on film watching him throw.

A scorned Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports

You basically watch Alabama do the old cement mixer on Clemson and just kick the shit out of them for 60 minutes. And [it] proved our theory that a scorned Nick Saban and upset Nick Saban is the scariest thing in sports.

Joe Flacco sucks — he's not elite, he's not good, he honestly just sucks

Joe Flacco sucks. He's not good. He's elite, maybe. No, no — honestly, he sucks.

The Seahawks championship window is closed

I define the window off their defense, not off Russell Wilson. And I think their defense is closed. I think they're going to lose a lot of guys.

The New York Giants is the most coveted head coaching vacancy in the NFL

I would say the Giants [is the most coveted job], just because they don't like to fire guys... And the thinking is Jim Schwartz is going to end up with that job that it was all predetermined.

The Chargers were the best team to not make the playoffs in 2017

The Chargers were the best team to not make the playoffs. Absolutely were... They had a better DVOA than the Ravens. They were a better team than the Ravens.

Toughness and grit can be acquired like a callus on the human body

Absolutely, you can improve and become better at toughness. It's a talent, but it can be acquired too. I think of it like building a callus, just like the human body. What a tremendous organism. It actually craves contact... much like conditioning can be improved, so can that callus of toughness and grit also be acquired or improved. You've got a blister. It's soft. It's got fluid in it. It's going to break, but the great thing about it, when it does break, it'll callus over even stronger and harder and better.

I need the sport of football like some people need ice cream or a drug

You know, people are going to be better at things that they love, right? I mean, you're going to work harder at it... Some people need the sport of football. I would put myself in that category. No, I do. I love it... Some people like and need ice cream. You know, they want to eat it every day. I look at football like that. I need it. I need football. It's like a drug, yeah.

My life plan has always been to play football as long as I could, then coach, then die

Honestly, I knew from the very youngest age that I was going to play football as long as I could, then coach, then die. And I really haven't thought about deviation from that plan.

I would love to coach the New York Knicks because I love New York

[Would you coach] the New York Knicks? Yeah, would you coach them? Sure. I love New York.

Grit is the ability to keep your confidence when your potential or results aren't being met

Confidence comes from your perception of your own potential. And I think with grit, I think grit is the ability to keep your confidence when your potential is not being met or when the result is not being met in a particular context... time in life or in a particular moment.

If I were to coach in the NBA, I would go to the Knicks

What NBA team would you like to coach? Kind of kidding. The Knicks. But we're kidding, of course, because I don't want to leave the world... If [Jay Wright] were to coach at the NBA, he would go to the Knicks.

Investors should buy ETFs and stay out of individual stock selection unless they are experts

Buy ETFs, okay? And stay out of the individual stock selection business if you're not an expert. That's what I would tell you.

You can get rich by doubling your money every six or seven years

What you got to do is you got to double your money every six, seven years. You double your money six, seven years, by the time you get to my age, you'll be a very rich guy.