Takes

Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win money on

I would say Major League Baseball is the easiest sport to win. No issue about it. Because, again, think about it. The longevity of the cycle of the season gives you the advantage. Like college and pro football are the two hardest.

The only way to make money gambling is to bet one game a week and load up

You bet one game a week. Load up. That's the only way to make money gambling. You cannot make money gambling betting every single day. None, never, has never happened.

A real American stays inside on Sunday and watches the Pro Bowl

Hey, you know what it means to be a real American? You stay inside on Sunday and you watch the Pro Bowl. Yeah, you watch the Pro Bowl. You bet on the Pro Bowl. That's what an American does.

Atlanta is a bad sports town

Atlanta's getting dragged as we say on the internet. Everyone knows it, it's a bad sports town. It's a good sex town, but it's a bad, bad sports town. I feel like everyone's talking about how Atlanta doesn't really deserve a championship because they're a bad sports town.

Rick Pitino's NCAA defense that recruits didn't like the prostitutes is absurd

He's pleading that a lot of the recruits didn't even like the prostitutes they hired. It says at least one prospect reported that this experience resulted in his disliking the university. That guy is a fucking weirdo. Rick Pitino actually got me a stripper with 36 D's so I really didn't even want to commit to Louisville.

Kentucky basketball fans wouldn't care if Charles Manson were their coach as long as he won titles

I was like, look, let's be real about what [John Calipari's] job is, is to win basketball games and compete for national titles. And I was like, given how the Kentucky fan base is so rabid, they wouldn't care if Charles Manson was their coach as long as he won a title.

The song 'Bad and Boujee' is overrated

That's another trash opinion, overrated movie... Speaking of bougie, she said 'Bad and Boujee' is overrated. It is. It's overrated. Just because Donald Glover thinks it's hot, all of a sudden it's become the song of a generation. Like, no.

Waffle House is garbage

I think Waffle House is garbage. It's just people go there when they're drunk, and they're like, man, Waffle House is really good.

The movie Scarface is overrated

Another trash opinion, overrated movie. It wasn't a box office flop. It was. She doesn't like Scarface.

Matt Ryan has been underappreciated for a long time

I do think Matt Ryan has been underappreciated. I thought this was a serious sports part of the podcast... No, I think Matt Ryan's underappreciated, has long been underappreciated. So I'm rooting for him because I want to see him get a bite of this apple.

Roger Goodell is gaslighting fans into thinking Thursday Night Football is a good product

Well, it's called gaslighting, Big Cat, and it's actually like a thing that works. So Goodell is gaslighting us, which is awesome. He's doing a really good job of it. He's saying, you all enjoyed watching Thursday Night Football. It was a great product. And then if he says enough, I'm like, holy shit. Thursday night football was awesome.

LeBron James' subtweet is the most passive-aggressive thing he has ever done

The big story that we have waiting for the Super Bowl week to start is LeBron with the most passive-aggressive tweet I think I've ever seen... He said, I'm not mad or upset at management... I just feel we still need to improve in order to repeat, dot, dot, dot, if that's what we want to do. That is the most ridiculous subtweet that LeBron has ever, it's not even a subtweet, it's a direct tweet. He didn't add anyone, but he's adding the management.

LeBron James is setting up a pre-planned excuse in case the Cavaliers lose the Finals

[LeBron is] also setting expectations. So, like, if they lose in the finals, like, hypothetically, if it's a 4-0 sweep, hypothetically speaking, that's definitely not me saying that's going to happen. He's got an excuse prepped right there.

Tell your employer you have narcolepsy on your first day so you can nap at work

A little tip for all you guys entering the workforce out there, and girls. Say on your first day that you have narcolepsy... and that you need, if you ever get caught napping, it's just a medical condition.

You are 'city rich' when you travel from New York or Chicago to Milwaukee

When you go to Milwaukee, you're city rich. You go from New York or Chicago to Milwaukee, tip people $20, pay for their mortgage. Opens a lot of doors.

I hate that the NCAA is releasing top 16 seeds in mid-February

They are now going to try to drum up a little more intrigue to the NCAA tournament. So they're going to release the top 16 seeds starting mid-February... I hate that. Takes a little bit out of it. One of the great things about that tournament was I didn't have to spend any time thinking about it until that Sunday night.

Barron Trump is officially off-limits for comedy

Cool throne, Barron Trump officially off limits. Can't make fun of Barron Trump. Kids are off limits. No Barron Trump jokes. He's going to be—And the nice thing is, now that no one can make jokes about him, He's going to be a well-adjusted, normal adult. I think it's great.

DeSean Jackson should sue the Instagram model who insulted him to prove a point

DeSean, the only way you can get people to stop talking about your allegedly micropenis is to take her to court, put it in the papers, make sure that everyone knows that if anyone says DeSean Jackson's got a tiny hog, Guess what? He's going to come after you. That's the easiest way to make people shut up.

The Patriots are a better team without Rob Gronkowski

The Patriots being a better team without Gronk. Someone's going to write that.

Matt Ryan is an elite quarterback

We're going to get Is Matt Ryan Elite. Ooh, yes. It's already started a little bit. We called it a couple weeks ago. That's going to be a huge one.

I am officially a Donald Trump guy if he legalizes sports gambling

I'm immediately a Trump guy if [Trump] does that [legalizes sports gambling].

The NFL is trying to eliminate kickoffs by moving them up to the 30-yard line

Do you feel in the back of your mind that the NFL one day is going to just eliminate kickoffs entirely? Are you worried about that at all? ... They trying to right now. That's why they took it out of the Pro Bowl. So they're trying to get it out. That's why they moved the kick up to the 30 because kickers can kick. So they want them kicking out the end zone every time.

I love Applebee's way more than Chili's

I love Applebee's. Way more than Chili's. ... I'm just so stuck on Applebee's for some reason.

I would love to play running back

I would love to play running back. Whoa, that's another headline grab. I think any receiver in my position would love to play running back. Because people always say he's just a running back when he gets the ball in his hand.

The Steelers are like Michigan football because they count championships won before the Super Bowl era

That's a classic Steelers move to count the championships that you won before the Super Bowl was a thing. I'm saying that's a classic thing to reach back. Well, in 1920, we won the big contest. We call that Michigan football.

Matt Ryan is the new Joe Flacco and is entering 'clutch gene' territory

Matt Ryan is going to be the new Joe Flacco. Right now, the story on Matt Ryan is he doesn't have the clutch gene. If he wins this game, he might have the clutch gene. He's getting into the clutch gene territory.

The Steelers are the most beloved dynasty in American sports history

Is there any doubt that the Pittsburgh Steelers are the most beloved dynasty in American sports history? I don't think Belichick and Brady... they're not going to stack up with the Pittsburgh Steelers in terms of the affection that our football nation has for the black and gold.

Robert Kraft likes Donald Trump because Trump claimed he could get Kraft's Super Bowl ring back from Vladimir Putin

Do you think that Robert Kraft is a Trump fan because Trump said that he could get a Super Bowl ring back from Putin for him? He likes Trump so that Trump can get his jewelry back.

I would rather have two more years of Tom Brady than five years of Jimmy Garoppolo and two first-round picks

[I'd take] Brady. I think we're going to have both, but Brady in that situation. [Even over Garoppolo for five years and two first round picks].

Skip Bayless is correct that Aaron Rodgers is lucky and Dak Prescott outplayed him

I still can't believe Mason Crosby barely made those sorry-looking field goals and saved Aaron Rodgers from Dak Prescott. Skip is my lord and savior right now with the Aaron Rodgers hate. The way he spun that, Dak Prescott outplayed Aaron Rodgers.

Chris Christie's 'double spin zone' regarding his failed Trump job search is a masterclass in handling embarrassment

Chris Christie, double spin zone. I'm on his side. That's how you – when you get embarrassed like Chris Christie gets embarrassed, you need to layer your spin zone.

Bill Belichick intentionally messes up social media app names to mess with the media

This is the second time that Belichick has intentionally messed up two apps. I think that Belichick knows a lot more about social media than he's letting on... Belichick pretends to not know what Facebook is... he's just absolutely fucking with the media and just putting on this show like, oh, I don't know what any of this is. And meanwhile, he goes out behind the curtain. He's got five cell phones and he immediately checks all his players' accounts.

Aaron Rodgers is trying to 'cuck' Brett Favre's legacy

Uncoachable. He's now trying to cuck Brett Favre's legacy like a kid just running around back there. Brett Favre was the ultimate draw something up in the dirt. It's like the last thing that Brett Favre has. He was an old school gunslinger. Just go out there and I'll hit you. And now Aaron Rodgers is taking that from him.

LeBron James pretends he doesn't care about the Warriors, but he cares deeply

LeBron said, no, we're not rivals. He basically just said, I don't want to talk about that. I don't care about the Warriors. They can do their thing. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure LeBron made them put up a big poster right outside their locker room when they went to Cleveland earlier in the year, like the block and all that stuff. So classic LeBron. He's just pretending like he doesn't care, even though he cares deeply.

LeBron James knows he is a physical specimen but still flops to manipulate the game

It's so funny when LeBron has one of those flop moments, and it's almost like he thinks that we don't realize that he's 6'8 and 260 pounds of pure muscle. And this guy's like flopping. Draymond Green's smaller than him. And they collide. And LeBron basically can bulldoze over anyone in the NBA whenever he wants. But at this point, he's dead. And then he pops back up and he's okay.

Joel Embiid needs to earn his 'umlaut' like Yankee stripes

You earn your umlaut, Joel. Your Yankee stripes. That's right. So, here's a little tip, buddy. So you kind of dug yourself in a hole with this one. Maybe bury the hatchet. Go on [Mia Khalifa's] Amazon wish list and buy her... get her that Sibian she's been looking for.

I am pardoning the banning of the word 'dude' and bringing it back to the show

I am pardoning the banning of the word dude. So we're bringing back dude. Mr. Portnoy, you're out with saying we can't use dude anymore. Dude is back. It has officially been pardoned. Welcome back, dudes. It's back in a huge way.

Toronto does not support the Bills like Buffalo does and is a boring environment

It felt like we were playing somewhere in Europe or somewhere in a foreign country. They didn't really support the team. I never saw a stadium so dead and so boring when a team played in Toronto. They just didn't support the Bills like they did when they played in Buffalo.

Los Angeles is not ready to support two NFL teams

I don't think L.A. is ready for two football teams. They're still trying to get their feet on their own with the Rams, even though they didn't play well this last year... they don't show up until halftime.

Roger Goodell is ducking Foxborough by choosing to attend the NFC Championship game

Goodell... We predicted it. This was a shocker, actually. I thought Goodell would think better of it and go to Foxborough and get spit on by our boss. But it turns out, I guess, he's Will Panson. He's afraid of some bad people from New England.

The contestants on The Bachelor who cried over the Backstreet Boys were faking it

I'm calling bullshit on this. If there's some girls, maybe some girls, like, 1994, 1995 born, they were, like, five years old when Backstreet Boys were big... I feel like that was a try-hard move to start crying for that because they probably don't remember them, right?

I am done with Brock Osweiler forever

I am seriously, though. I'm done with Brock Osweiler. I'm done with him forever. He's ruined football games for me, multiple football games for me this year. Stop trying to make Brock Osweiler happen.

Aaron Rodgers and the Packers have underachieved over the last six years

What we've seen the last eight games out of Aaron Rodgers makes me wonder, why in the hell haven't we seen that the last six years? Why are they continuously wanting out in the playoffs? Why do they continue to underachieve? Aaron Rodgers is one of the best quarterbacks to ever play the sport of football. How does he not already have more than one Super Bowl win?

The Seahawks will only get back to the Super Bowl if they can secure home-field advantage

That's the key, winning enough regular season games that people have to go to Seattle in the postseason. That's how they're going to get back to the Super Bowl if they ever do.

The Chargers moving to LA is like a friend crashing on your couch for a couple years

The chargers didn't even tell the rams they just told twitter... 'whoops hey guys in the rams, we're gonna crash on your couch for a couple years is that okay? ... maybe we'd go halvesies on your apartment ... let us use your stadium. I'll buy you an In-N-Out burger on Friday night.'

Hiring Sean McVay is the NFL equivalent of a 45-year-old divorcé finding an 18-year-old with fake boobs

It's basically if you're married and you're like 45 years old and you get divorced, the next thing you do is you find an 18-year-old with like fake boobs, no job, that sort of thing... you'd go for the opposite [of Jeff Fisher].

Andy Reid is the greatest coach of all time as long as he has a bye week to rest

Andy Reid off a bye is the greatest coach of all time. It's a classic fat guy behavior. You just need to rest a little. Just give me a minute to catch my breath, a week to catch my breath. And I'll mentally be ready.

I would not be buying any stocks right now and would put money into real estate instead

I wouldn't be buying any stock right now. [Put money in] Real estate. Hookers? ... That's a dead end road, dude. I'm over a million in those places. There's no return on anything.

Chael Sonnen is a compulsive liar who needs rehab to stop lying

That's a lie from Chael. He's a compulsive liar. The guy needs to go to rehab to stop lying. He's a compulsive liar. And his father's turning over in his grave right now.

Jim Irsay forgets he owns the Colts and is just doing Twitter giveaways all day

I don't think he is [going to fire anyone]. I think he just forgot he owned the Colts. He's just on Twitter all day. He's just been doing Twitter giveaways every day. He's like, 'hey, Jim, you still own this team? You get to make the decisions.'