Takes

The Buffalo Bills do not want to see the Cincinnati Bengals in the playoffs

The Buffalo Bills, if they get the two seed, the last team they wanna see is the Cincinnati Bengals. Yeah. That's the only that like, you, you don't, 'cause that's the Bengals. The the crazy thing about the Bengals is they can't stop anyone. But if you get in a shootout with the Bengals, like anything can happen.

Lamar Jackson will win the MVP because he has two standalone games left to influence the narrative, even if Josh Allen deserves it more

Lamar [Jackson] might win it just because he plays two standalone games. And that's all this award ends up coming down to... I think it should be Josh [Allen]. I'm just saying how these things work. He's got, Lamar's got two standalone games and Josh has zero.

Michael Penix Jr. is the guy to finally unlock Bijan Robinson and Kyle Pitts

I think [Michael Penix Jr.] might be the guy to finally unlock Bijan [Robinson] and give us a proper... maybe Kyle Pitts just needs a left-handed quarterback.

I am pumped for a Mike Vrabel and Josh McDaniels coaching duo in New England

Vrabel McDaniels... that's the combo. [Josh] McDaniels had Mac Jones in the Pro Bowl... give me Vrabel and McDaniels and I am pumped.

Losing David Montgomery ruins the identity of the Detroit Lions' team

When you lose [David] Montgomery, you lose part of the identity of your team. So I do know that deep down when Coach [Dan] Campbell gets in his car, he ain't feeling real nicey. Yeah. It's tough.

The NFL should adopt the college pass interference rule

I would make [pass interference] the college rule, honestly, because some of these, some of these past interference calls are impacting a game. Just one play there... I don't think there's a common thread in what is and what isn't past interference.

The Philadelphia Eagles are the favorites in the NFC

I think Philly's probably the favorite. Yeah. You gotta put Philly in there... Philadelphia Eagle defense man, Vic Fangio's got a couple rookies in the secondary... They're good man.

Bucky Irving is a combination of Warrick Dunn and Napoleon Kaufman

The emergence of this Bucky Irving... I mean he's a combination of Warrick Dunn, Napoleon Kaufman, Charlie Garner, he is a badass man. This guy's a hell of a back.

The Bears organization will never change because it's built on bad fundamentals and rotting from the top down

Nothing is going to change with this organization. It will always be this way. They will always be based on bad fundamentals and hoping to get lucky from time to time and nothing done the right way... the foundation of the house has been decaying and rotting for a very, very long time.

The Bears should fire Ryan Poles and Kevin Warren and start fresh

They should fire Ryan Poles and Kevin Warren and start completely fresh. They won't do that. They'll either keep Ryan Poles and Kevin Warren, fire Ryan Poles. Keep Kevin Warren. And it's just gonna be a mess. And nothing's ever gonna change.

I am officially retiring from ever getting 10/10 excited for the Bears until the ownership changes

I'm officially retiring from ever getting to a 10 outta 10 excitement for the Chicago Bears until something changes... anything, ownership probably... I will not let myself get a 10 outta 10 excited. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna root really hard for them and want them to do well. I'm not going to get, let myself get 10 outta 10 excited ever again until it's proven on the field that something has changed.

Kevin O'Connell is the NFL Coach of the Year

Vikings are great. Vikings keep rolling. Vikings are Kevin O'Connell's just, he's Coach of the year, in my opinion. He's, I mean, think about what he's done... Sam Darnold, who's been thrown to the trash pile a few different times. He's made him playing at elite level.

The Vikings must keep Sam Darnold because he is playing at an elite level that justifies a big contract

I still think you gotta keep Sam, I think you have to keep Sam... how much better could Sam Darnold be playing right now than he already is? He's worth that money. I wouldn't take that chance [on McCarthy].

The rumored Conor McGregor vs. Logan Paul boxing match will be a 'shitty money grab' that sucks

Conor McGregor tweeted that the rumors of about with Rio are false. I'm in preliminary agreements... to face Logan Paul in a boxing exhibition in India... It's probably gonna suck. I'm sick of it. This might be, so they fight someone who's actually like at the top of their game.

Ultimate Dick Kicking is a better combat sport than Power Slap

We got a new combat sport that we have to start paying attention to guys, it's better than Power Slap. It's better than arm wrestling. It's the ultimate dick kicking championship. Two guys just stand across from each other and kick each other in the dicks until one guy gives up.

College football players should be required to sign contracts and form a union

I think these players at this point, they need to sign contracts. I think we need a CBA, I think we need to form some kind of player's union... we somehow need to get that national view to partner with the players union. Create a CBA where you're held accountable. Okay, we're gonna agree on NIL here are the rules we're gonna agree on... and then we obey the contract on both sides.

Ohio State's offensive line is a massive concern that could lead to an upset loss against Tennessee

If you really watched the Michigan game, when they lost the center from Alabama, Seth McLaughlin, when he went down with that Achilles, I think that offensive line is a serious question mark going up against Tennessee's strength, which is their defensive front.

The Dr Pepper tuition challenge is 'embarrassing' and should be moved back 10 yards to ban chest passes

I'm with you. That, that, you know, everybody, it is almost like pop a shot. They're just firing that thing away. Right. And it, it doesn't take any ability at all. Right. So I think that, I think you're onto something. I think you move it back at least another 10 yards... to take away that, the chest pass.

I will play the role of Chris Farley with such love that I won't let his fans down

I love Chris so much that I'm incapable of letting Chris, and I mean, I, I can't, I'm not incapable of letting his fans down... I love Chris so much that I'm not worried about keeping his memory alive in a, in an authentic and loving way. I know I'm going to do that... some people are just supposed to play certain people.

Aaron Rodgers' best days are definitely behind him

And I think, you know, Rogers the best days are probably behind. But I loved watching him... Not everyone can stay. So you can be talented but not have the sharp or crispness that you once had. And it doesn't mean you're not good. It just means you're a 42-year-old quarterback.

I want to still be doing WrestleMania and getting put through tables when I'm 60 years old

I hope I'm still showing up at WrestleMania and someone's putting me through a table... my hope is that when I'm 60... someone's putting me through a table. I don't think [the competitive spirit] will happen to you [leave you].

Patrick Mahomes will be totally fine despite his high ankle sprain

Do we believe it? Do we think it matters? Because he, I feel like this happens to him once a year and he ends up being totally fine and everyone's like, oh man, he's banged up, but it'll be fine.

Jameis Winston's time as the starting quarterback in Cleveland is over

The bigger story is it might be over for Jamis [Winston] in Cleveland... When you get benched for DTR, it's bad. He was on, I'll say this, if you watch this game, the Chief's defensive line was on fire and Jamis had no time.

I'm back in on Aaron Rodgers

I'm back in on Rogers... I'm back in on Aaron Rogers. I'm definitely... I'm back in on Aaron Rogers if that means we get to keep Devonte Adams.

Mac Jones might be the cockiest bad quarterback of all time

I think Mac Jones might be the cockiest bad quarterback of all time... he is legitimately cocky for how bad he is... he's got the cockiness of 'My dad will sue you.'

The Jets should hire a new GM first, then a coach, and use Aaron Rodgers as a bridge to Jameis Winston

Hire GM. GM first... Hire coach. Hire coach... Aaron Rogers Bridge... Bridge to Jamis. Jamis could be on the team too. Give it another go next year. Then quarterback the next year.

Jerod Mayo feels like a puppet for Robert Kraft

I've always kind of said [Mayo] feels like a puppet for Craft... today they were cutting to the booth and the Lip readers, they had Jonathan Craft taking notes and you could clearly read his lips being like, 'the play calling is terrible'... that's not a good sign.

Travis Hunter is better as a cornerback than as a wide receiver

I think [Hunter] is better as a corner. I would have, I don't know. He's better as a corner. He's better as a corner. Yeah. Him and Christian Gonzalez... that'd be the Patriot missile No Fly zone.

Mike Evans is one of the greatest receivers of all time

Respect. Mike Evans is one of the greatest receivers of all time. He had 159 yards, two touchdowns... he's gotta average 83.7 yards in his final three games to reach a thousand yards for the 11th straight season. And that's all 11 years of his career.

The Broncos are the best story in the NFL right now

The Broncos are one of the best stories in the NFL right now... they just secured their first winning season since 2016 and have a playoff probability north of 90%. They're the best story right now in the NFL.

The Colts need to move on from GM Chris Ballard

Chris Ballard... feels like he's had a job for way too long and it just doesn't feel like the Colts are ever going. They're never, they're always like right around that middle ground, but they're never going forward... It might be time.

The Eagles are the best team in the NFC

I'll say it. Eagles is the best team in the NFC after today. They are... they're the best team in the NFC as of right now.

Anything less than winning a Super Bowl is a disappointment for the Eagles

A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Anything less than a soupy is a disappointment... Winning a soupy. Gotta win a soupy. Winning a soupy gotta win. It must win.

LeBron James' absence was extremely odd and under-reported

He left the Lakers a few days ago... there was, you know, internet rumors circulating that he was maybe getting arrested. That he was disappearing... it was weird the way it was, you know, he left and with LeBron and the media, they, you know, will talk about him nonstop and it kind of got swept under the rug.

Analytics and the three-point shot have made the NBA tough to watch

It's analytics. I blame analytics... That too. Three point shot. That too. Dunk should be three... Imagine if they made dunks threes. Everyone was just trying to fucking yam on each other constantly. That would be sick.

Paying Brock Purdy $60 million per year would be insane

The projections that I'm reading right now... a report 60 a year. That's insane. You can't pay Brock Purdy 60 a year... he's a good quarterback, he's not in the level of make everyone better quarterback.

Brock Purdy looked stupid and shitty against the Rams

I think he had a very bad game tonight. Like he looks, he looked stupid and shitty tonight. That's my analysis. That last throw was so bad. It was stupid and shitty in one throw. It was dumb to throw it and it was a bad pass.

The San Francisco 49ers are officially dead for the 2024 season

The Niners are dead. It's over reset everything. It's over... less than 1% chance [to make the playoffs].

The Giants are currently the worst team in the NFL without Dexter Lawrence

I'll say this, without Dexter Lawrence, I think [the Giants] might be the worst team. I think they would take the key. So it'd be between the Giants, the Raiders, and the Titans.

Bill Belichick's main recruiting pitch at UNC will be a direct, simplified path to the NFL

There is a compelling case for Bill Belichick shows up to your living room and says, Hey, I can get you in the NFL... I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that you need an education... I'm just gonna get you to the NFL.

The Lions defense struggles against running quarterbacks

This is the week that the lions all their defensive injuries... This is an elite elite offense. And Aaron Glenn, I know this from experience because Justin Fields used to play well against Lions. Aaron Glenn's defenses don't do well against running quarterbacks. He refuses to do a spy.

Bills vs. Lions is a potential Super Bowl preview

Possible Super Bowl preview. This would be my dream Super Bowl matchup in terms of fans... in New Orleans. Holy shit. Would it rock just like partying with Lions and Bills fans all week.

The Chicago Bears are stuck in an unhealthy cycle of hiring coaches on their 'last leg' who then draft and ruin rookie quarterbacks

They're sort of in this cycle that it is just not a healthy cycle... their coaching staff at the end of their like their prove-it year, they draft a quarterback in the first round... The rookie quarterback gets one year with the coaching staff and then they've just been fired. And then that rookie quarterback... has to deal with that again. It's not a great cycle.

Andy Reid is the greatest coach because he knows the pulse of his team and refuses to listen to outside input

I always go to the example of Andy Reid. I think Andy Reid's the greatest... Big Red's gonna make the best decision. Like you might think like you have said something that's really gonna impact and change the way he thought. He knows what's best for the pulse of his team and he's gonna take you that direction.

The Meta Quest 3 is significantly better than the Apple Vision Pro

I got the Apple Vision Pro like seven months ago. What a waste of fucking money that was. That was probably the the biggest waste of money I've ever had in my entire life... picked up the Meta Quest 3. That thing rocks... this kicks the shit out of the Apple Vision Pro.

Mike McCarthy needs to stop watching replays of his team's mistakes on the Jumbotron during games

I have a suggestion from Mike McCarthy... Something bad happens, you know, something bad has just happened in the game. As head coach, he forces himself to watch the replay of that bad thing over and over and just sit in that pain. Yeah, Mike, you gotta stop doing that. You gotta stop subjecting yourself to just trauma repeatedly over and over again.

The Simpsons characters are significantly better in 2D than 3D

I did watch the first half of The Simpsons broadcast last night, and I don't know why it took me so long to remember this. The Simpsons are a million times better in 2D. The Simpsons in 3D. Not that fun.

The 'In the Hunt' graphics for the NFC are currently patronizing to bad teams

Everyone from the Saints on down, Saints, Cowboys, Bears, Panthers. Just just be like, Hey, I know technically not [eliminated], but dude, get a fucking grip. You're brain dead if you're actually thinking this.

The extreme delusional negativity of Philly fans is a sign the Eagles are ready for a Super Bowl run

I saw this video and I was like, this could not sum up the Philadelphia Eagles fan base more and I wouldn't have it any other way... I actually think that this might be a sign that the Eagles are ready to go on a Super Bowl run because they're what, 11 and two and they've won nine games in a row. Everything's going well. They now have players talking about players. Old players talking about old players.

I would vote for Ashton Jeanty to win the Heisman Trophy

If I had a vote today after the votes were in, I'd probably vote [Ashton Jeanty].