Takes

The Raptors are a joke of a franchise

I got a little heat back from my take the other day that the Raptors are just a joke of a franchise. I don't mean it in a mean way. It's just facts are facts. When you think of the Raptors, you think of Vince Carter winning a dunk title and then getting swept.

John Daly's career has been awesome and if you think otherwise you're a hater

My favorite take is when people say, oh, what a shame, John Daly's career. He really could have had it all. John Daly has had it all. His career actually has been awesome. If you think otherwise, then you're just a hater.

The Volkswagen commercial with the grandmother and the ashes is fake and manipulative

Volkswagen... they're like, well, we'll just put a really sappy story where a bunch of kids cry and an old grandmother, and we'll put some Simon and Garfunkel behind it, and everyone will say, oh my God, Volkswagen, they're so nice. Don't fall for it.

Barry Bonds is the best player that ever stepped foot in a batter's box

Barry Bonds is not even remotely close. Remotely close is the best player that ever stepped foot in a box. That guy, when the ball was an inch outside, he knew it. Steroids doesn't give you Superman eyes.

MLB locker rooms shouldn't allow bloggers or fanboys inside

They're letting a lot of people in the clubhouses that shouldn't be in the clubhouses... They're letting guys in there that have no fucking clue. Fanboys. I don't respect those guys until they give me the respect back.

Wade Davis is better than Aroldis Chapman if he can stay healthy

Wade Davis is better than Aroldis Chapman if he can stay healthy. And I know that's a big if... if he can stay healthy, he is probably the best closer in baseball.

Never fight someone with an outie belly button or someone who wrestled in high school

Never fight someone who, two rules in life, never fight someone who wrestled in high school, never fight someone with an outie belly button. Those are two rules I live by right there.

Kelly Olynyk's face makes people want to punch him the moment he steps on the court

He's the kind of guy that steps on the court and everybody wants to punch him from the get-go. You're looking for an excuse. When Kelly Olynyk is on the court with you, you're taking any excuse that you can get to just punch him in the face.

The Raptors are a joke of a franchise

The Raptors are a joke. I love our Canadian listeners, but the Raptors are a joke of a franchise. Can we just agree with that?

You shouldn't have a holiday to celebrate defeating the French army because everyone does it

Basically, Mexico beat France in a battle... Everyone beats France in battles. You shouldn't have a holiday to celebrate defeating the French army. That's a participation trophy that you're giving yourself.

Cinco de Mayo is just an excuse for Americans to drink beer

I don't even think they [Mexicans] know that Cinco de Mayo is a thing. It's kind of, I think, just a excuse for the rest of the world to drink. And that beer, it says beer companies were actually, once they started diving in... it kind of took off.

Tyronn Lue has Stockholm Syndrome and has absorbed LeBron James's mentality

It sounds to me like he [Tyronn Lue] has Stockholm Syndrome. Because this is something that LeBron James would say about himself. Like, leading this Cavs team is the hardest job... I think he's kind of absorbed his stars mentality a little bit.

Big Baller Brand shoes look like old guy catering shoes

They do look like old guy shoes. They've got that non-slip look to them like you might see in a crab restaurant. Actually, you know what? When you get a job as a caterer, they're like, everyone needs to wear shoes that look like this.

You need 100,000 followers and a blue checkmark to officially be an 'Instagram Model'

I'm going to say you need 100K... I think it used to be back in the day like 10K. These tea companies are wising up... 100K, I think that's when you can officially call yourself an Instagram model.

Isaiah Thomas might not be a great second-half player, but rather a terrible first-half player

I'm not ready to say that [Isaiah Thomas] is a great second-half player. I think he might just be a really shitty first-half player.

The Capitals deserve an asterisk if they win the Stanley Cup this year

Capitals, do whatever you got to do, asterisks. Rest of the playoffs, asterisk... If they win the cup, I want an asterisk.

Marc-Andre Fleury is a 'snowflake'

Now, on the other hand, you have Marc-Andre Fleury. He's a snowflake. That's why they call him Fleury, because he's a big snowflake, and he got iced up.

Alex Smith has had a long career of being, for the most part, shitty

He had a long career, and for the most part, he was shitty. [Alex Smith's] byline. That's Alex Smith's byline.

Mint Juleps are overrated drinks that you only want half of

Mint julep is the ultimate drink where you get really excited about having them on Derby Day... then by the time you get halfway done, you're like, I'll just take a beer.

Trading Jimmy Butler would be 'categorically insane' for the Bulls

The idea of trading Jimmy Butler is so absolutely categorically insane.

The Matt Niskanen hit on Sidney Crosby was reactionary, not intentional

I think it was more of a reactionary thing from Niskanen, and Sid was kind of falling down as his stick got up... I just don't think that he's intentionally at all trying to get him in the face or the neck or the head.

Lane Kiffin is thinking too hard

Lane's thinking too hard. Let's just say that. He's thinking a little too hard.

Losing by four goals in the playoffs is better than losing in a heartbreaker

I would rather we lose the game by four goals than lose the game in a heartbreak or an overtime. That's demoralizing. Because now it's like you're a little bit embarrassed. You've got that chip on your shoulder in game three.

The Clippers must blow up their current core

Can we just be done with the Clippers as they currently are constructed? I don't know how they're going to blame it on Blake Griffin, but I'm sure they will. Doc Rivers, just stop. Just get out of here. Don't coach anymore. Chris Paul, go find another team.

The first few years after college are more fun than college itself

I think the first three or four years after you graduate can be more fun than college. Because you actually have money in your pocket. You have money in your pocket. You make real life friends. It's not just like, whoever was living on my hallway.

Kansas City has the best barbecue in the country

Kansas City, best barbecue in the country? I think so.

Clubhouse character and camaraderie are essential for winning in MLB

All of a sudden, [Dayton Moore] brought this culture in, and he wanted guys that came up through the minor leagues together... all of a sudden, character became very, very important. And I really believe that's one of the reasons that a team... all of a sudden, we go to the playoffs... next year, win the World Series. And so that's when I became a firm believer that character does play a role, the camaraderie in the locker room.

I would have hit 40 home runs in today's era with modern training

Do you think if you played right now and you had they had all the technology and how these guys train relentlessly... do you think you would have hit more home runs? Yeah. [Big Cat: 30 was your highest year... you'd say like mid-30s to 40 guy?] Oh, you know, I think it depends on what park you play in, too... Home run might have gone up.

Roger Goodell is embracing the heel role and is an ultimate villain

I really do think Roger Goodell has passed a certain point where he is starting to embrace the heel. [Big Cat: He wiped a booger on a handicapped child] that's super villain stuff that is the ultimate villain not because he embraced not because he was like oh i'm the super villain... he's just evil.

Gareon Conley is better off in Las Vegas than Cleveland

Do you think that [Gareon] Conley's going to be better off getting away from Cleveland where there's all these nightlife and temptations and all that and going to a low-key place like Las Vegas? I think that'll keep him in line... The desert heat might dry you out. Stay out of trouble.

I would come out of retirement to play for the Browns for $15-18 million

If Cleveland offered you, let's just say $15 million a year, are you coming back? Absolutely... 15 to 18 a year. I'll be back.

Terrell Owens' locker room issues were his own fault

If it happens once, then it's kind of overblown. If it happens twice, let's kind of see what's going on. If it happens more than three times, then sometimes it's maybe not anyone else. It may be you... [His antics] wasn't such a problem until it hit the media. Then now he has to defend himself in the media.

The Chiefs trading up for Patrick Mahomes was the worst pick in the draft

The worst pick, I think, in the draft was [Patrick] Mahomes at 10 and the Chiefs trading up 17 picks to get him? Do you think they did that because they're like, yo, Ryan Pace is going to get a lot of heat? Now's our time to just go under the radar.

If Rajon Rondo is the linchpin of the Bulls season, that is a big problem

I even hate even more is people saying, oh, well, if Rondo was still in this series, the Bulls win. Yeah, probably right. But if Rajon Rondo is like the linchpin for your whole fucking season, that's a big fucking problem.

Backing the NFL Draft up an extra month was the smartest thing Roger Goodell ever did

The smartest thing Roger Goodell ever did was backing the draft up another month. That way you get so many more mock drafts and you get so many more takes in. And yes, you're right. The anticipation. I've been walking around with an erection for the last two weeks.

Russell Westbrook distrusts his teammates more than any player I've ever seen

I don't think I've ever seen—and don't tell him I said this because he'll get very upset at me—I don't think I've ever seen one player distrust his teammates more than Russell Westbrook. Unbelievable season, but he really was like, these guys fucking suck, and I need to make sure they never get the ball.

The NBA first round this year has been far superior to the NHL first round

The NBA first round this year has been far superior to the NHL first round. I know there's been a lot of overtime games, but like you said, there's no Game 7s. And the NBA feels like... last year was really bad. This year, there have been some really compelling stories, and we have a lot of fights going on.

A sports dynasty requires at least three championships in one era

The rule I said, I threw out there was you have to have at least three championships in your Dynasty era. Two, that's a really good team. Three, you can now claim Dynasty.

The 1990s Atlanta Braves are a dynasty with an asterisk

The exception to this rule is if you play in a conference that you dominate for a long time but then keep getting your ass kicked in the finals. So I'll give you an example. I would say the Atlanta Braves 1990s team is a dynasty with an asterisk on it.

NFL mock drafts 5.0 and 6.0 are entirely made of smokescreens

When mock draft 5.0 and 6.0s are coming out, those are actually all smokescreens, too, because all the NFL personnel people that talk to the guys doing the mock drafts, they're telling them lies the whole time.

I was a better prospect than the players drafted ahead of me in the 2005 NFL Draft

I saw guys coming off the board in front of me that i knew i was better than and i got upset and i was pissed. ... first-round talent on the field. Undrafted baggage off the field.

I hate the hockey handshake line because people talk about it too much

The handshake line is one of those things that I didn't want to hate, but people talk about it so much that I have to hate it.

I'm disappointed there is no Jaguars vs. Titans Thursday night color rush game this year

I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed in [the NFL]. Because for the first time in what feels like 10 years, there's no... Jaguars, Titans, Thursday night color rush. That's so fucked up. It's really massive. That was probably my favorite game of mid-October every year.

Sidney Crosby and the Penguins have the Capitals' number

I thought if the Caps could overcome this, they would do okay. But, man, Sidney Crosby and the Pens have their number, man.

The NBA playoffs are predictable and the first round is a joke

I mean, the only thing I don't like about basketball is just like it's pretty predictable who's going to the conference final. It's never really a surprise. So it's just the first round's a joke. Does anyone even pay attention until the conference finals?

LeBron James feels scripted and forced compared to the cool cockiness of Michael Jordan

I respect [LeBron] as an athlete... I just feel like he's a little scripted. Everything he does is calculated where I feel like people compare him to Jordan where I'm like, Jordan was so much cooler. He just carried that cool cockiness where I feel like, it's forced by LeBron.

Mike Gundy has decided to be a crazy person for the rest of his career as a branding move

I think what happened was he went out and he saw how good it felt to say something crazy and be perceived as like a crazy dangerous person in public that he's like you know what I'm just going to be fucking nuts for the rest of my career that's my brand that's what I'm going with I'm going to out crazy Mike Leach.

The Maple Leafs play hockey like kids having sex

I will say this about the Maple Leafs. They... play hockey like their kids, like the same way that kids have sex. ... kids get out there and they start fucking and they're like, I'm going to go a million miles an hour and just go fast and score. That's what the Leafs do. So they come out and they skate too fast and they go a hundred miles an hour. They'll burn out.

The Celtics look lost without a 100% focused Isaiah Thomas

But for Isaiah Thomas, who's clearly the Celtics' number one option in the heart and soul of the entire team, for him to not be 100% focused and 100% there for obvious reasons... it just makes the team look lost. You can just tell they're not fully in sync.

Paul George's rivalry with LeBron James is completely manufactured

All rivalries pale in comparison to the Paul George-LeBron James rivalry. ... Paul George said that his rivalry with LeBron James is for the culture. ... a crazy rivalry that I don't think anyone including LeBron James knew existed. ... it's kind of like what we're doing with that snowflake cuck Mark Cuban just creating a rivalry out of nowhere.