Takes

LeBron James blaming his son for a poor performance is a new low

LeBron blames his son. A new low. A new low. Even for LeBron. He has gone as low as possible. He has blamed his son on his poor performance on Monday night. He said that he was a little out of rhythm because he went and watched his son play basketball in a tournament.

LeBron James is an asshole for trying to trademark 'Taco Tuesday'

LeBron's an asshole. Let's just go business hour with LeBron. I do just hate him. He is trademarking Taco Tuesday. Trying. This is the guy who his big inventions, his big ideas, business ideas. Talking in a barbershop. With his friends. Space Jam 2. Remember when he created Plinko?

LeBron James has smelly breath and halitosis

LeBron James has smelly breath, which shouldn't surprise anyone. Not just because of the wine, but because LeBron definitely is surrounded by yes men, and he probably just does his halitosis breath in everyone's face. You think Maverick Carter's going to be like, hey, Bron, how about a fucking piece of Trident?

LeBron James' physical therapist's deleted Instagram post was a calculated excuse for his poor season

[LeBron's] physical therapist put out an Instagram that immediately deleted it... Classic LeBron. To just put it out there, let everyone know that he actually was dealing with a way worse injury, but then have it deleted... this was the ultimate excuse, just a very well-planned excuse.

The Lakers should trade LeBron James

Jeff Van Gundy put it out in the universe like last week that the Lakers should trade LeBron, and it's awesome. They should. They should. He's not like he's paying him to be a basketball player.

LeBron James is suffering from alcohol withdrawal after drinking two bottles of wine

LeBron, this is a symptom of alcohol withdrawal... He had at least two bottles of wine, to himself, split maybe with a couple glasses to his three-year-old kid or whatever... that would put his blood alcohol content at above the legal limit... which means the next day he was going through symptoms of alcohol withdrawal, which is maybe why they lost.

LeBron James moved to the Lakers to hide from his critics

Is LeBron James hiding from us? Because here's what happened. At like 12:30, I went to sleep. I missed all of the fourth quarter, missed the free throws... I think that LeBron James has moved out west because he knows... MJ people, we're getting a little older, got to get to sleep. The LeBron stans... they stay up all night... and LeBron knows he will not get criticized... Like, I should have been there hating LeBron when he missed those free throws. Except, father time has taken its hold on me, and I need to go to sleep.

The 2018 Cavaliers' panic is real and they won't recover this time

For the first time ever, I think the LeBron-like freakout that everyone goes through with every team LeBron's in... I think it's real this time because they gave up 148 points to the Thunder... I don't think he talks to Isaiah Thomas. I think it's like a cold shoulder situation.

LeBron James got ejected from a blowout to stat pad and hit the showers early

LeBron got thrown out for the first time in his career for using foul language, complaining about a call in the fourth quarter of a blowout win. Why would he even care at that point? Stat padding? Question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark.

The Golden State Warriors are soft 'candy-ass'

If you can put a live cam on Steph Curry and the rest of the soft candy-ass Golden State Warriors watching the finals that they should be in. That would be great.

Getting a Triple B brand tattoo right now is a great way to go viral

Right now, we all have the opportunity to be the first person to get the Triple B tattoo. Because no one's got that tattoo yet. So if you want to get a couple headlines, you want to see your face on Bleacher Report, now's the time.

The Cavaliers are now Kyrie Irving's team, not LeBron James'

Kyrie hit the big shot. You know why? So now here's the question. This is Kyrie's team.