PMT DB
PMT DB
Dungeons & Dragons Returns, Drunk Tom Brady, and Russell Wilson the Prophet
Football is officially over, which means it is time to pivot to the important things in life: Dungeons & Dragons and watching Tom Brady get absolutely hammered on a boat. The Buccaneers parade provided the kind of content that makes being a sports fan worth it. Seeing Tom Brady toss the Lombardi Trophy across open water like it was a Nerf ball proved that when you have seven of them, they just become party accessories.
PFT CommenterTom Brady putting on a knee brace before getting drunk is genius thinking.
I love the knee brace. I love Tom Brady, like an offensive lineman wearing a preemptive knee brace during a football game. He goes out and gets drunk and he puts a knee brace on before he does it. That's thinking ahead. That's the difference between him and all the other quarterbacks.
PFT was quick to point out that Brady's preparation for a bender is just as elite as his two-minute drill. While the internet went crazy over the video of Brady being escorted off the boat, PFT isn't buying that it was a purely organic moment of intoxication.
PFT CommenterTom Brady's 'drunk' tweet and stumble off the boat were a choreographed joke.
I'm very woke about the drunk Tom Brady tweet thing because I think it was on purpose... He was having fun with the fact that people thought he was too hammered to walk after he got off the boat. I think they were doing it as a joke. I think the guys were like, 'hey, let's pretend that Tom, you're so hammered that you can't walk.' Tom Brady has gotten so good at the Internet in the last three years that I think he's fucking with everybody.
Whether it was a bit or not, the sheer dominance of Brady is becoming statistically hilarious. Big Cat noted that watching these world-class athletes celebrate makes everyone feel like a kid again, even if there's a certain level of envy watching them pull off casual looks that normal people just can't.
PFT CommenterThe odds of Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl in any given season are the same as Steph Curry hitting a three-pointer.
Somebody pointed out on Twitter earlier today that the odds of Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl are about the same as the odds of Steph Curry hitting a three-pointer in any given season. Like him taking one shot from three is about the same at the start of the year as Tom Brady winning a Super Bowl. That's crazy to me.
The Gospel of Russell Wilson
Transitioning from a guy having the time of his life to a guy who seems to be living in a different dimension, Russell Wilson is making waves. Between his appearance on the Dan Patrick Show and a truly bizarre GQ profile with Ciara, it feels like the divorce from Seattle is inevitable. Russell and Ciara described their marriage as giving "post-game press conferences at the lectern of life," which is a level of corny that might actually be a superpower.
Big CatRussell Wilson has completely lost touch with reality.
I'm going to take back everything I said about Russell Wilson. He's no longer corny. This is just who he is. And I think he just doesn't have any sense of reality. So it's not even worth being like, 'hey, man, come back to reality.' He's gone. He's long gone.
Big Cat and PFT debated whether J.J. Watt or Russ takes the crown for the most cringe-inducing superstar. While J.J. has leaned into the bit and shown a human side, Russ seems to genuinely believe he is a prophet. PFT argued that the weirdness is actually the secret sauce to the relationship.
PFT CommenterSuccess in a celebrity marriage requires both people to be 'weird as hell.'
I actually think that for celebrity couples to work, you actually both have to be weird as hell. It helps because if it's just if somebody is too normal in a celebrity relationship... it doesn't work. You have to have two different parts of crazy in a celebrity relationship, I think, to actually make it work in the long run.
With Dak Prescott also reportedly unhappy in Dallas, the trade machines are starting to hum. The solution seems obvious to Big Cat: just swap the disgruntled franchise icons and let everyone start fresh in new cities.
Big CatThe Cowboys and Seahawks should trade Dak Prescott for Russell Wilson.
Maybe they figure out a way to get Dak [Prescott] to Seattle and Russ [Wilson] to Dallas. Yeah. Russell Wilson's war, the Texas Congressman lobbing missiles, throwing bombs. I'm just saying, it's just going to be very interesting where all the chips fall here.
Urban Meyer's Jacksonville Warlord Era
Urban Meyer is already making himself at home in Jacksonville by hiring Chris Doyle, a move that signaled to the rest of the league that he does not care about your optics. Big Cat has officially flipped his stance on Urban's NFL prospects, believing that this ruthless pursuit of winning at all costs—character be damned—is exactly why he might actually succeed.
Big CatUrban Meyer will be successful in Jacksonville because he'll hire whoever he needs to win, regardless of character.
I now am fully changing my take on Urban Meyer. I think he's going to be very successful in Jacksonville because Urban Meyer hiring Chris Doyle and being like, fuck you world... it clearly is Urban's show. He hired a dude who was fired like six months ago for a very racist things in Iowa. And that to me says that Urban is going to just... hire based on how they can get their team closer to winning and nothing else with character.
PFT isn't as convinced. He thinks the "college warlord" style has a very short shelf life once you start dealing with professionals who have their own brands and bank accounts.
PFT CommenterUrban Meyer’s 'college warlord' style will fail with NFL millionaires.
The person that he's bringing in [Chris Doyle], it might've been effective when talking to student athletes in college. When you're talking to millionaires in the NFL, it might not fly the same way... I can also see like a first-time NFL coach that's a big shot used to not having anybody check him ever... coming to the NFL and realizing pretty quickly, 'wow, I can't tell everybody how to do everything all the time.'
The Return of Timm Woods
The legendary Game Master Timm Woods returned to lead the squad through the next chapter of their D&D saga. The stakes are higher than ever as the group prepares for the "Dragon Bowl." The mission involved traveling to the Nine Hells to retrieve the soul of Berserker Billy, who is currently locked in eternal combat with "The Chemist."
The session was peak PMT. Big Cat (Norm the Barbarian) was busy raging, while PFT (Wayne the Bard) used "Vicious Mockery" to insult the Chemist about his lack of power and past steroid use. Hank (Ehrlich the Warlock) struggled with his dice rolls yet again, nearly falling into a pit of lava because his ice dragons, the Stevens (A and B), started sweating too much in the heat of Avernus. The squad managed to defeat a swarm of spiked fiends just in time to watch Berserker Billy reclaim his glory in the ring.
Fyre Fest and COVID
The episode ended on a more serious note as Big Cat revealed he has been battling COVID-19. In typical fashion, he used his own mortality to leverage better treatment from the listeners and his coworkers.
Big CatCOVID is no joke, even for peak athletes like me.
My Fyre Fest is I have COVID. It pretty much sucks. It's low-key not a great time... a peak athlete like myself, I've had trouble breathing all week. It has not been fun. I've literally just done this show, and after we hang up, I'm like, gasped beyond belief. It is no joke, and you shouldn't take it seriously... i know i sound preachy but guess what i'll fucking say it this thing is no joke
Meanwhile, PFT is officially done with a certain sports business reporter who shall not be named, offering to settle their differences the old-fashioned way for the low price of nothing.
PFT CommenterI will fight Darren Rovell anytime, anywhere for zero dollars.
My Fyre Fest is that Darren Rovell doesn't look like he's going to fight me anymore... I told Barstool, I said, 'I will do it for zero dollars.' And I removed all stipulations. Anytime, anywhere, I will fight Darren Rovell. Anytime, anywhere. He just loves being talked about... The only thing I will say is anytime, anywhere, if he wants to fight me, I will show up and I will kick his ass and I will do it with a smile on my face.
If you signed the petition to fire Hank as the Stool Streams commissioner, Big Cat is watching you.
