Kansas State And Gonzaga Win In Thrillers, Comedian Ari Shaffir + Fyre Fest Of The Week

Drew Timmy is the best player on the planet

Drew Timmy has become [the] best fucking player on the planet. Every single time he wants the score, he scores.

Tom Izzo is not overrated

Is Tom Izzo overrated? [PFT: Yeah]. Here's not He's ready to, he's not. He's not. But he, but we did get a little salty Tom Izzo after he said that they had some lucky shots.

UConn might be the best looking team in the tournament so far

UConn might be the best looking team in the tournament so far. Overall start, start to finish every game. They have in complete games, they have dominated their opponents.

I hate the idea of the Eagles signing Ezekiel Elliott

I fucking hate Ezekiel Elliott. [Hank: Clip it].

The NFL salary cap is not real

The Saints have been in and out of Cap Hell so many times in the last five years. Every year it's like, well, nope. Cap Hell coming up for the Saints. The salary cap is not real. It doesn't exist.

The overs are back in March Madness because of the bad publicity regarding shooting

Overs back. Yeah. Overs are back. Because I big brained it. I was like March Madness saw all the bad publicity... they're gonna see all the bad publicity about shot making. They're gonna loosen up these fucking rims.

Lakers fans are just bandwagon fans

Fuck the Lakers dude. Every time they had fucking playoff games, no one will come out. Could be up three-nothing in the first round as a one seed. And people are like, 'wow, they're such fucking bandwagon fans.' Fuck all of them.

Alex Rodriguez never earned his pinstripes

Did A-Rod earn pinstripes? Oh no. Not even for 2009. No. He got all his numbers. All his stats came in like blowout games.

Giancarlo Stanton has not lived up to being a Yankee

What about Giancarlo? Does he have his pinstripes? Stanton? No. He plays shitty. He's never lived up to it. He never lived up to that concept.

Brett Gardner earned his pinstripes through hustle

Brett Gardner... everyone's like 'Brett Gardner pinstripes.' Like that's just because he hustles, he plays the right way. Yeah, definitely pinstripes. He earned them.

LeBron James is a better Laker than Kobe Bryant

I started just doing a bit that LeBron is the best Laker of all time. And I had like my top fives and Kobe wasn't on it. [Ari: Kobe's the sixth best]. Yeah. It was like Nick Van Exel. It was like Shaq. So all these like... Will Chamberlain, Kareem, Magic, I'll give Worthy. And then LeBron.

Zion Williamson's injury issues are annoying because he just won't play

I'm a Pelicans fan... followed them. And Zion just won't play. He just won't play. It's annoying. He's not fragile. It's a different injury every time.

I won't buy a golf bag until I break 130

I'm building myself up like a video game character in golf where I'm not allowing myself to get a golf bag until I break 130. That means that I'm carrying around a full set of clubs whenever I go to golf anywhere... I've literally taken a belt and I've wrapped it around my golf clubs and tightened it to keep them all together.

Dentists are a scam

Dentists are a scam. You don't have a cavity until somebody tells you you have a cavity. People don't go to the dentist when their teeth are feeling great.