PMT DB
PMT DB
Marlins Man on Creating News and dabbing at Citi Field
Labor Day usually means taking the day off, but Big Cat and PFT Commenter are grinding at an off-site retreat: the parking lot of Citi Field. The guys are pre-gaming for a night of creating news with the first-ever podcast recorded from the front row of a baseball game. Before heading inside to dab on national television, they had to break down the blockbuster trade that sent shockwaves through the NFL and left Sam Bradford's luggage in a state of constant transition.
The Sam Bradford Swap
Minnesota panic-traded for Sam Bradford after Teddy Bridgewater’s knee tragically gave out, and the price tag was steep. Big Cat is surprisingly high on the move, arguing that the Vikings simply couldn't punt on a roster this talented just because they lost their QB.
Big CatTrading Sam Bradford for a first and fourth-round pick was a great deal for the Eagles
The Eagles, great trade for them. Any Eagles fan that's upset by this, I really don't know what to tell you. You just traded Sam Bradford. You weren't going to go to the playoffs, and you got a first and a fourth round.
PFT Commenter isn't buying the hype. He views Bradford as the ultimate financial derivative—a bad asset that just keeps getting passed around to new suckers for a higher price.
PFT CommenterSam Bradford is a 'bunk credit score loan' that keeps getting repackaged despite being bad
Sam Bradford is basically like one of these bunk credit score loans that get repackaged and repackaged and repackaged and sold for normal money... Sam Bradford has sucked, will always suck, and will continue to suck. And for some reason, he just gets more and more valuable with age.
While Big Cat thinks a change of scenery and an actual defense might finally unlock the former number one pick, PFT is more concerned with the aesthetics of the Vikings' new leader.
PFT CommenterSam Bradford isn't tough because he wears long sleeves
One thing I know about Minnesota, if you play there, you've got to show toughness by not wearing any sleeves, right? His sleeves go down to the end of his arm. He looks like a 7-year-old in his dad's football jersey.
First Row with Marlins Man
Walking into Citi Field with Marlins Man is apparently like walking in with the Beatles if the Beatles wore neon orange and loved the troops. The guys witnessed the legend in his natural habitat, handing out tickets to military members and getting mobbed for photos by fans coming off the 7 train. Marlins Man even brought a prototype for a new "Barstool Visor" that he wants to have manufactured in "The Orient" (a term Hank had to quickly fact-check).
Marlins ManThe selfie is the new autograph
I don't really do a lot of autographs. I do a lot more pictures. I think I've had more pictures taken by me in the last year than anybody. The selfie is the new autograph.
As the game progressed, the guys got a glimpse into the lifestyle of the world's most famous fan. Between signing birthday cards for strangers and eating his third trip to the buffet, Marlins Man admitted that his legendary front-row seat isn't just about the TV time—it’s a necessity for his health.
Marlins ManI don't watch the game if the ball is out of the infield because of my bad eyes
I don't sit in bleacher seats. That's what the common people say... I have bad eyes, so I can't see that far. If it's out of the infield, I don't see it. I have to listen to the crowd.
The guys also tried to broker a peace treaty between Marlins Man and his arch-rival, foul ball hawk Zack Hample. Marlins Man wasn't having it, comparing Hample to a "lingering fart" and Saddam Hussein. It turns out even the most humble man in sports has his limits when it comes to first-responder semantics.
Marlins ManA mayor is not a first responder, they are a 'fourth responder'
My understanding of what a first responder is, is when you see a disaster or trouble... those guys are going in. [Bloomberg] is not a first responder. He's the fourth responder.
Football Guy of the Week and Christian Persecution
The debut of "Football Guy of the Week" featured some heavy hitters. Jim Harbaugh got a nod for his revolutionary "you get good at football by playing football" philosophy, but the conversation eventually turned to the dark, sexless life of Nick Saban.
PFT CommenterNick Saban doesn't have sex, he just 'soaks' and watches film
I don't think that Saban has sex. I think that Saban just soaks. You know what soaking is? Yeah, it's the Mormon thing. He just soaks it for a while. And then he's watching film, grading players at the same time.
PFT also introduced "Christian Persecution," a segment dedicated to the overlooked greatness of Stanford’s Christian McCaffrey. After McCaffrey put up massive numbers against Kansas State, PFT argued that the only reason he doesn't have a Heisman already is a combination of West Coast bias and his status as a persecuted Christian.
PFT CommenterChristian McCaffrey should have won the Heisman Trophy
Last year, Christian McCaffrey, the best football player on planet Earth, he should have won the Heisman, but he didn't get it because he's a Christian and maybe a white male, but mostly because he's Christian.
Sources and Uhhh Ya Think
To wrap things up, the guys dipped into the world of Big J Journalism with a new segment called "Sources." Hank allegedly has some inside info regarding Tom Brady's domestic life during his four-game suspension, though he tried to walk it back the second the mics were hot.
PFT CommenterTom Brady and Gisele Bündchen might be getting a divorce
Like, maybe things aren't going so well in paradise? Maybe the big D word coming down the pike? Like, maybe he doesn't have such close ties with Brazil anymore?
We also got a classic "Uhhh Ya Think" regarding LSU’s inability to find a quarterback who can throw a spiral, a tradition that apparently dates back to the dawn of time.
Big CatLSU does not have a good quarterback and will continue to struggle passing the ball
Turns out LSU doesn't have a good quarterback. Oh, you think? No doy. The 10,000th year that Les Miles has a quarterback that can't throw the ball.
See you all from the new office on Wednesday.
