PMT DB
PMT DB
Mike Portnoy on Deflategate, Curt Schilling, and NFL Draft Week
Draft week is officially here, and the entire Pardon My Take crew is together in one room for the first time since the premiere. To celebrate, Big Cat and PFT Commenter are diving into a bowl of Hershey's Hugs, sparking an immediate debate over the hierarchy of chocolate snacks.
PFT CommenterHershey's Hugs are superior to Kisses
Hershey's hugs are better than kisses.
Aside from candy rankings, the big news of the week is the successful catfishing of Curt Schilling. PFT Commenter managed to create a meme so perfectly tailored to Schilling’s specific internet sensibilities—involving Beyonce, police officers, and misspelled words—that the former pitcher retweeted it almost instantly. It’s a seminal moment for the show, proving that Schilling simply cannot help himself when it comes to a high-heat meme.
The Death of First Take and the Art of the Take
With Skip Bayless officially leaving ESPN, the guys are taking full credit for the collapse of the Worldwide Leader's flagship debate show. PFT Commenter views Skip not just as a broadcaster, but as a pioneer in a new medium.
PFT CommenterSkip Bayless is the new Monet and takes are the new art
Takes is the new art. Like, back in the 1700s, 1800s, you didn't have people giving takes to each other. You had people making paintings. Like, real art. Who cares? ... But now you've got people who are giving their opinions and then other people talk about their opinions. So it's like it's the new art. So what I'm getting at is Skip Bayless is the new Monet.
While Skip heads to Fox to likely get a Hollywood dye job, Big Cat has a better idea for how ESPN should handle the vacancy left by the king of takes.
Big CatStephen A. Smith should argue against a mirror instead of a co-host
I actually think Stephen A. Smith should just argue in a mirror, like a dog looking at itself and barking. How great would that be? If we just put a really clean mirror in front of Stephen A. Smith, we're like, this is your new host, man.
NFL Draft and the Andrew Luck Book Club
In a move that surprises everyone, Pardon My Take is officially joining Andrew Luck’s new online book club. Big Cat and PFT Commenter admit they’ve collectively read about three books in two years, but they plan to use SparkNotes and Wikipedia to convince Luck they are intellectual heavyweights.
Turning to the actual NFL Draft, Big Cat is struggling to understand Sam Bradford’s current holdout and general sense of entitlement in Philadelphia.
Big CatSam Bradford hasn't earned the right to be a starting quarterback
I can't comprehend where Sam Bradford's coming from to think that he earned the right to be a starting quarterback in the NFL.
As they look at the incoming class, the guys are scouting for "long guys" and "mean guys." Big Cat is focusing on specific roster construction based on some very traditional, if not slightly problematic, scouting tropes.
Big CatI want my offensive linemen to be white and my defensive linemen to be black
I would like [6'6 guys who run 4.2s] on my offensive line, and I'd like the black guys on my defensive line.
They also identified some early red flags for potential top picks. While Big Cat is worried about Carson Wentz’s social media presence, PFT Commenter is busy finding the silver lining in Robert Nkemdiche’s incident involving a window and a fall.
PFT CommenterRobert Nkemdiche would be a Vine superstar if he landed on a beer pong table when he fell out of a window
If there was a beer pong table that [Robert Nkemdiche] landed on, he'd be a Vine superstar. If anything, he just did it a little too early.
Legal Analysis with Mr. Portnoy
The show’s resident legal expert, Mr. Portnoy (Dave’s dad), joined the program from vacation to break down the latest in the Brady vs. Goodell saga. He explains that while the Supreme Court probably won't hear a case about deflated footballs, Brady still has some cards to play in the lower courts.
Mr. PortnoyTom Brady could sue the NFL and Roger Goodell for defamation
I don't think [Tom Brady] is just going to let this go away. I think what he may do is he may sue for defamation, because what happened in this Deflategate, none of that is relevant to if he brought a claim for defamation. In other words, saying that the commissioner and the other people said things about me, which they did with malice... there's no question the Golden Boy image at the very least is tarnished.
Mr. Portnoy also weighed in on the Curt Schilling firing, noting that while the First Amendment exists, it doesn't protect you from being an idiot in a private contract. He thinks Schilling needs a change of scenery and a vow of silence.
Mr. PortnoyCurt Schilling should jump to Fox Sports and keep his mouth shut
I think if [Curt Schilling] is smart, which he isn't, he ought to jump over to Fox and keep his mouth shut. ... I don't care what he has to say about anything. Why would anybody care what he has to say about anything?
Hurt or Injured: NBA Superstar Edition
To wrap up, the guys looked at the injury-riddled NBA playoffs and debated Mark Cuban’s recent comments about what actually makes a superstar. Big Cat was in a particularly ruthless mood, handing out the "bum" label to several of the league's biggest names.
Big CatRussell Westbrook is an All-Star, not a NBA Superstar
Westbrook? All-star. I agree with [Mark] Cuban. Not a superstar. My criteria for superstar is a superstar has at least like 10 million Chinese people wearing their shoes.
From Carmelo Anthony’s hats to Anthony Davis’s dating life, no one was safe. Big Cat even turned on his own franchise player, demoting Jimmy Butler after the Bulls missed the postseason.
Big CatJimmy Butler is a bad leader and a bum
Jimmy Butler is an all-star, but he's also – he's got a couple bum qualities in him that have pissed me off. ... He's an all-star who thinks he's a superstar, which then makes that part of his brain bum-like. ... He is the leader of the Bulls now, yes, but he's a bad leader. ... All right, fine. He's a bum star.
To end the show on a high note, Hank debuted his latest invention: the "Car Stick," which is essentially just a raw piece of wood designed to help you fish your phone out from between the seats.
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