PMT DB
PMT DB
NFL Week 3: Dolphins Hang 70, Bears Self-Destruct, and Taylor Swift Takes KC
NFL Week 3 was a fever dream that started with the Fastest Two Minutes and ended with Big Cat in the apathy zone. It was a day where records were shattered, teeth were lost in the stands at MetLife, and the most famous woman on earth decided to watch the worst team in professional football get dismantled in person.
The Dolphins are a Madden Cheat Code
Mike McDaniel put up a 70-burger on the Broncos in a game that felt like a personal vendetta against every front office that ever passed on him. The Dolphins finished with 726 yards, which is nearly a half-mile of offense. Tua Tagovailoa was throwing right-handed shovel passes for scores while De'Von Achane and Tyreek Hill looked like they were running at 1.5x speed compared to the Denver defense. PFT was legitimately annoyed that Miami didn't go for the all-time scoring record late in the game.
PFT CommenterMike McDaniel should have kicked a field goal to break the NFL scoring record
Mike McDaniel should've kicked the field goal at the end of the game. This is chicken shit by McDaniel. I get you want like karma on your side... He should've kicked a field goal to score 73 points. Bullshit that he... it's more disrespectful to the Broncos that they just took a knee.
With Jalen Waddle out and the offense still humming at a historic rate, the league is officially on notice. Big Cat is already looking at the calendar to see when the weather might actually slow this track team down.
Big CatThe Dolphins offense is only stoppable by injuries or cold weather
What can stop [the Dolphins]? The only two things that come to my mind are injuries, which you never wanna see happen, and cold weather. You just have to, if you're a team in the AFC, you gotta be like, hopefully it gets so cold that they can't do this.
Crisis in Chicago and the Taylor Swift Effect
If the Dolphins are the ceiling, the Chicago Bears are the floor beneath the basement. The 41-10 loss to the Chiefs wasn't even as close as the score indicated. The Bears look soft, Matt Eberflus looks lost, and Big Cat is already checking the draft order for Caleb Williams. The only thing that saved the broadcast from being a total snuff film was Taylor Swift appearing in Donna Kelce’s box, which sent the PMT universe into a tailspin of relationship analysis.
PFT CommenterSwifties secretly want Taylor Swift's relationships to fail for the music
I think secretly Taylor Swift's own fan base is sabotaging her happiness... Swifties want Taylor to be happy on their own terms. They don't want Taylor Swift to find genuine happiness. They want her to be happy because she's found empowerment after a disastrous breakup.
While the Swifties are busy decoding Travis Kelce's friendship bracelets, the reality in Chicago is much darker. Hank is already calling the winless season, while Big Cat is looking at the silver lining of a potential historic draft haul.
Big CatThe Chicago Bears will have the first and second picks in the 2024 NFL Draft
I think the Bears might have the first and second pick in the draft. That's my overly direct take.
AFC Chaos and the Staley Hot Seat
In the early window, the Chargers tried their absolute best to "Charger" a win away against the Vikings. Brandon Staley went for it on 4th and inches from his own 20-yard line late in the game, a move that only worked because Kirk Cousins and the Vikings completely forgot how to spike the football. PFT isn't letting Staley off the hook just because he escaped with a win.
PFT CommenterThe Chargers should consider firing Brandon Staley regardless of their win over the Vikings
I actually think it was the wrong call [to go for it on 4th and inches on their own 20]... I think they should think about firing him anyways, even though they won this game. I'm serious, like, they tried to give away the game. The end of this game was like the Chargers and the Vikings both competing against each other to see who could be the Falcons.
Meanwhile, the Jets are in a full-blown nightmare. Zach Wilson is playing so poorly that fans' dentures are literally falling out of their mouths while booing him. The guys discussed whether it's time to call literally anyone else—including a certain red-headed Viking or a former No. 2 overall pick currently looking for work.
PFT CommenterThe Jets should sign Carson Wentz because he is better than Zach Wilson
The New York Jets should answer the phone when Carson Wentz calls them because apparently Carson Wentz has proactively reached out to the Jets... I think that I've reached the point where Zach Wilson is such ass, ass that Carson Wentz ass, although ass himself, is a significantly smaller ass than Zach Wilson.
Best of the Rest
Deshaun Watson finally looked like a professional quarterback for the Browns, though he did manage to throw a ball backwards while being sacked. Over in Tennessee, the alarm bells are starting to ring for King Henry. After a career of carrying the Titans, the mileage might finally be catching up to the big man.
Big CatDerrick Henry has officially hit 'the cliff'
Derek Henry, I think today was his 1800th carry... it bums me out to even say this, but part of me thinks that it might be happening... he doesn't have the same pop.
We also saw Jameis Winston return to action for the Saints after Derek Carr went down with a shoulder injury. With a matchup against his former team looming, the Jameis redemption tour is officially scheduled for liftoff.
PFT CommenterJameis Winston will dominate the Buccaneers and make it impossible for the Saints to return to Derek Carr
Jameis gets in for this [Buccaneers] revenge game and dominates the Bucks like we all know that he can. You can't go back to Derek Carr. No, you can't. You gotta ride the hot hand right now.
Finally, the guys touched on the Jaguars' disastrous loss to the Texans. Trevor Lawrence is taking notes on his critics, and the talk about London is heating up, though PFT remains convinced it's all a play for that sweet, sweet Florida tax revenue.
PFT CommenterThe Jaguars will not move to London and the talk is just leverage for a new stadium
Jacksonville, the Jaguars are not gonna leave Jacksonville for London. That's a lot of smoke and mirrors... It makes no sense for the Jaguars to play in London. I know there's all the vibes about the franchise. Yeah, it's Florida baby.
At least we have a Lighthouse PowerPoint presentation to look forward to on Wednesday.
