Ryen Russillo And PFT Has To Eat Poop (Probably)

The Toronto Raptors are the softest team I've ever watched

The Raptors are the softest team I've ever watched. And having Fred VanVleet take the game-winning shot in overtime, how do you have DeRozan and Lowry and you have these guys... they shrink in every big moment. They're so soft that they made Kevin Love look like the tough guy.

Matt Murray sucks and his glove hand is a liability

Murray sucks. Murray sucks on ice. His glove hand stinks. And his glove leg sucks too. I think he had a stroke. I think the left side of his body has been paralyzed.

Astros pitchers have higher spin rates because Houston is closer to the equator

There's a reason why all the NASA sites in the United States are closer to the equator because the Earth spins faster the closer you get to the equator. So it's cheaper to fly a rocket there. So I think the fact that it's in Houston and further south means the ball spins faster.

Indiana basketball is back because they signed Romeo Langford

My cool throne is Indiana basketball. So they signed Romeo Langford, the number one recruit in the nation. His minister said that Romeo is like Abraham Lincoln. So, I mean, it's going to be huge.

Jeff Bezos is building rocket ships just to liquidate his $100 billion

He figured out that the way that he's going to be able to spend money is by just building rocket ships and just going to different planets. That's the only thing that he can do to liquidate $100 billion in a lifetime, so that's what he's going to do.

Big Ben will play for 3-5 more years because the Steelers drafted Mason Rudolph

Big Ben says he wants to play three to five more years. He's just saying that because they drafted Mason Rudolph. 100%. But it's so fantastic that Big Ben, the guy who was contemplating retirement last year, is now like, yeah, you know what? Pencil me in for five more years.

The Celtics can't guard Joel Embiid

You're going to have to continue to get it to Embiid, who has moments in the game where he's like, enough of this crap. Like, none of you guys can guard me. I'm just going to do something stupid and get to the hoop and score.

Donovan Mitchell is the Rookie of the Year and it's not even close

Donovan Mitchell is my rookie of the year, and it's not even close. [Ben Simmons] is in his second year playing in the NBA. Second year in the organization.

Brad Stevens is the perfect personality to be a head coach in today's NBA

I think the most important attribute you can have as an NBA coach is your personality. Most of these guys do understand X's and O's. But if the team doesn't listen to you, you have to do it in a way now where the guys don't totally shut you off. And [Stevens] has this unbelievable passive confidence that it's like the perfect combination of personality to be a head coach in today's NBA.

Russell Westbrook's style of play keeps a franchise hostage

The style of play [Westbrook] has kept your franchise hostage. And for the most part, you weren't going to win. And now we've watched this two years in a row. You're lying to yourself if you see the same approach in Game 6 and go, 'yeah, this will work.' One team has a guy that runs isolation, the team passes it the least of any team in the NBA. Which team would you rather play? Of course they're going to pick the first team, and that's who their team is.

Cleveland is still a very likely scenario for LeBron James this summer

I have been probably one of the only people that still thinks Cleveland is a very likely scenario here. If anybody is telling you they know that LeBron's already decided that he's going to leave, then they may get it right, but they're guessing right now. As of now, the way I understand it is that Cleveland is very much still in play.

Nobody around the NBA thinks Kawhi Leonard is returning to the Spurs

No one around the league thinks [Kawhi] is coming back. Nobody. And the belief is that, oh, yeah, Kawhi Spurs away, team first, not having any individual brand. They're tired of this stuff. If those are the real things and the real resentment there, then the Spurs thing does sound like it's over.