Scott Van Pelt Live From Augusta, Scottie Scheffler Wins The Master Plus NBA Playoffs Are Set

Scottie Scheffler's Masters performance was legendary because it was so forgettable

What a legendary performance. We won't forget just because of it being so extremely forgettable. We'll always be like, you know what? This was the masters where Sunday was meaningless.

Every guy from Dallas looks like a 35-year-old accountant when they are only 25

He just reminds me of every dude I've ever met from the Dallas, Texas kind of area where it's like you're 25, but you look like you're 35 and you got married when you were 23 and you just got your shit together better. He looks like a medium good accountant that's pretty good at golf.

Max Homa should turn in his tour card after his performance at the Masters

We did positive vibes only, but now we can speak honestly, the way [Max Homa] played after he made the cut was disgusting. And he should probably turn in his tour card.

I can hit an 8 or 9 on the 18th hole at Augusta using only a putter

I go putter off the deck off the tee box... then I just go putter the entire time I ended up hitting eight, maybe nine. If the pin's attackable, if it's center green, I think I could do it in eight. If it's back, right, that might be an eight or nine.

I would shoot a 13 on the 18th hole at Augusta if I was lucky

I think I'd go 13. I would, I documented I'd slice it into the woods. I would hit it into a tree... piece of shit, one good shot. Then I'd just go bunker, bunker, maybe like, like a, sorry, a sand wedge that I can't hit for shit for five yards. Then another one on then I'd put like five times 13.

Bet against the Pittsburgh Pirates in every single road game this season to make money

My algorithm is thus, you just bet against the Pittsburgh Pirates every single game... we're going to bet on road games, every pirates team under and for the other team to win Moneyline against the pirates. And we're going to all make a bunch of money.

Gerrit Cole is a loser for blaming a four-minute delay on a bad start

Garrett Cole said that the game being delayed four minutes was an unforeseen challenge for him. He said the festivities got a little away from the schedule... he's just a loser. Before he came to New York, everyone just assumed he was like the bad-ass dude... then he comes to New York and he's just, he's like sweaty. And he can't answer questions correctly.

The 'Sampson Effect' causes players to perform worse when they join the Yankees and have to shave

If you have to cut your hair or shave to change your personal appearance, I bet it throws you off Sampson effect. I bet you it's almost every player that goes there... Randy Johnson shave his beard when he sucked, when he was in the eighties.

The object in the Alaska sky was a UFO shot out of the sky by the government

Many are saying that it might've been a UFO that was shot out of the street that they don't want us to know about. But the government is saying it was just a contrail. I think it has a lot to do with it. Something's going on.

I'm officially voting for Joel Embiid for MVP

I'm just going to vote for [Embiid] with my vote... and say that if the Sixers don't win the title this year, it's a disappointment all for naught.

The Cleveland Cavaliers can beat the Brooklyn Nets in the play-in game

I think the calves can beat the nets. I'm just gonna, yeah. [They] are a better match up for us. I still think we can beat the nets. And then if we beat the nests, we have a better path to the finals.

The Milwaukee Bucks will sweep the Chicago Bulls in the first round

The bucks are going to kill him. It's going to, I just want it to be over as fast as possible... the box are going to sweep the bowls and at least I know how to deal with Packers fans.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Boston Celtics vs. the Golden State Warriors

Go Celtics warriors.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Brooklyn Nets vs. the Golden State Warriors

I'm going to double dip. I'm going to go nets warriors... Meaning like the warriors are kind of, I'm treating them the same way I'm treated the nets, which is they're too good. They've got so much talent. They're going to figure it out.

The New Orleans Pelicans will make the playoffs through the play-in tournament

I have a, I have a big future on the pelicans to be in the playoffs after the play and games are over.