Scottie Scheffler's Masters performance was legendary because it was so forgettable

What a legendary performance. We won't forget just because of it being so extremely forgettable. We'll always be like, you know what? This was the masters where Sunday was meaningless.

Every guy from Dallas looks like a 35-year-old accountant when they are only 25

He just reminds me of every dude I've ever met from the Dallas, Texas kind of area where it's like you're 25, but you look like you're 35 and you got married when you were 23 and you just got your shit together better. He looks like a medium good accountant that's pretty good at golf.

Cam Smith would be the coolest Masters winner because of the mullet and mustache combo

I really just have a soft spot for Australia... the mullet and the mustache combo. I'm pretty sure that like there's rules at Augusta National... if you show up wearing that, if it's, if you're not competing in a major tournament... they are allowed to shoot you. The security force at Augusta is allowed to put you down like a dog. He was, he was a fun guy to root for.

Pigeons are the smartest birds because they live off human trash

Pigeons might be the smartest bird. There is one... they've essentially just over the years been like, Hey, you know where we should live? Right where the people leave their trash. We don't have to hunt for anything. We don't have to go fucking diving for worms and fish... Some guy's going to eat a calzone and not finish it and we're gonna finish it. So pigeons might be the smartest bird.

Barry Bonds could still play in the MLB and take a million walks because of fear

I think of that with Barry Bonds for sure. Barry Bonds I like He could just, he, he could show up and just be awesome and, and take like a million walks. 'cause people would fear him.

American air conditioning is the equivalent of 'Hunter Biden crack' for European visitors

I would imagine air conditioning for Europeans hits like crack. Like the best crack of all. Oh, hunter Biden crack. Yeah. That's like when we go over to, to Spain and we see a nude beach. Like that's, that, that feeling that we get over there is their feeling when they're walking into one of our buildings over here.