Auston Matthews has become 'too Canadian' and that is why the US lost the Four Nations tournament

My takeaway from this game is that Austin Matthews has become too Canadian. And that's why we lost the game. Because he's a Maple Leaf and Maple Leafs never win anything. And we saw that.

Michigan is the shittiest state in the United States

Oh, that's the shittiest state. You guys own that? Michigan sucks. Really? Michigan sucks. If you have no other 49 states to go to.

Baseball is the worst of the four major North American sports

I'm not a ball guy. Slow game. Bottom, bottom of the four major sports for sure. Hockey, football, then to throw the NBA. And then we gotta drop to MLB.

Betting the over on Alabama basketball is a cheat code

Alabama by the way is a cheat code if you want to get in on it. It's just betting their overs. They just never stopped missing. This has been like, oh, two weeks now they're over under for the first half was 45 and a half points last night. They scored 69 in the first half.

I am offering a $10,000 bounty to find the UNC staffer who punched a Duke staffer

I will not sleep until we find this UNC staffer who punched one of your guys... Let's put a bounty on it. I will offer $5,000. [PFT]: I'll match. [Big Cat]: $10,000 if anyone can find the UNC person who punched a Duke staffer after the game. $10,000 cash. Give us the footage leading to their arrest.

Tua Tagovailoa's market value is non-existent relative to his contract

Everything's on the table for the Dolphins. Tua could be a fullback. What would you... What do you think the Dolphins would say yes to for a trade for Tua? Like a sixth round pick for Tua? A jugs machine? I don't know what the hell would Tua's market be?